I had so much in my head like finals, this blog that had been through a rough patch since the beginning of the year, finalising with English (finally) and overall getting back into a social circle was getting the best of me, so when my mum announced that our yearly holiday for her birthday was coming up I cheered up a little, I thought this was going to be my queue and I was going to be able to finally relax, boy was I wrong. 

Before we even went there I was in such a bad and defensive mood that I couldn't even bare the littlest mistakes, I fought with my mum on my way there, I was a nightmare to be with and all because I felt like no one understood what was going on and on top of that I was hiding under this mask of everything is perfect which made it even worse. 

By the end of day two I was so mad with myself and the world that I remember my mum going up to her room to lock herself away from me leaving me and my dad by the pool just to get away from more disagreements and arguments that weren't in place nor time. 

And like that the trip came to an end, my mum and I's relationship was in a really bad state for weeks after that and it took me months to understand how wrong I was and how much I could have done and how I shouldn't have taken any of my problems on her, because at the end I was the one making it bad for her and not the other way around. 

This for me was the first wake up call, from many I got throughout the year, in which I understood that I had been neglecting my mental health and if I was so on the fence about everything was because I wasn't feeling like myself and I was working overtime to make it seem like everything was right and my life was going in the right direction.

It was a tough month but we got through it and looking back I can say I learned from it. 

Mayte.