You see, when life throws lemons at you, you learn to make lemonade, or so they say. In my particular case, life threw watermelons at me and the only thing I could do was try to catch them and maybe do something with them. 

It all started a year and a half ago when my grandma passed away. Looking back, I can see how bad I handled those days after her passing. All the free time I had was used in nothing. Before I would complain about the lack of time I had to do basic tasks and once I had it, I didn't want to do them anymore more. I became lazy and I trapped myself in that thought for 7 months. 

Then my dad got diagnosed, he needed to go into treatment and seeing the desperation in his eyes made me step in. I took over his job and for the first few months I did nothing with it, there was no point, he was going to come back, or so I thought. Time passed and 6 months turned into a year. 

The day I knew he was going to pass away, months before we got a proper diagnosis, I threw a tantrum, a full on baby tantrum. I didn't want to deal with the responsibilities, or at least not yet. It was the biggest anxiety attack I've had in 4 years or so. I couldn't contain myself and all I could think of was leaving everything behind.

Of course I couldn't, but it was at that time when it clicked. There was no more running away, I had to embrace the responsibilities and hope for the best, my work would speak for itself when time came and I started a new life path, just like that. I had to change in order to adapt to everything that was coming up for me. 

After my father's dead I had three days to pull myself together and see what was up next. I never wanted to run away more, but I promised him I wouldn't and the only thing I could do to honor him was to keep those promises and do what he wanted me to do in this company. 

I signed the contract, got the papers and now all I have to see is if I'm really capable or how I can make it work in my advantage. Because changing is good, right?

Mayte.

Growing up everything scared me, from having to ask someone for something to having to do stuff on my own. The idea of having to be on my own was terrifying and the more I grew, the more my parents wanted me to become independent, so I held on to all those precious years I had around them to help me. 

I was lucky, it wasn't until 23 that I saw the need to branch out and do something else, something bigger, that's when I applied for my masters and it was the best decision for me at the time. Not everyone can say that they had their parents support that long or even get the chance to get a higher degree. I saw the opportunity and took it. 

They say that when you are meant for something else, the universe will do anything to make you notice it, and in my case that something else meant leaving my comfort zone completely. I got a job, I got into a relationship and lost two of the pillars of my life all in the span of three years, everything I knew banished. 

There was no going back, not even to look at the good memories, the more I held on to those precious years, the more defensive, anxious and mad I got. For some reason I couldn't understand that the girl that I once was, was no longer in there. It was time for me to take on the challenges and do what I was always meant to do. 

My introduction to this new life and this new set of responsibilities is certainly out of the ordinary, not everyone falls into a job like this with so many responsibilities, and the more I asked myself why should I keep it, the more I got pulled in. 

I'm still learning and I'm still scared of every aspect of my life that is changing but there's no stopping, at least not for a little bit. I'm hopeful on the thought of actually being able to pull it through and make it happen but once again, one can only work and hope for the best. We gotta remember to keep on dreaming. 

Mayte.

It's been a week since my father passed away, he fought cancer until there was nothing left for us to do. He was in hospital for three days, at home for one. We watched him fade away rapidly, losing his sense of the real world, little by little until his mind wasn't there. He fell asleep for one last time.

I thought about giving up completely on this October project but then I stopped to think that the last thing he would've wanted would be for me to give up, even if the thought of him not being here could destroy me. Somehow, somewhere I needed to have that strength to keep fighting and keep making him proud during the next few years. 

Growing up he raised me to be a strong independent woman, maybe he knew, maybe he just saw the world change for the worse, I'll never know. He pushed me to be an engineer, to study my masters, to learn how to handle myself in front of people. Everything I know about tools, electricity and computers I learned from him.

He was such an amazing man, no one could say anything bad about him. He was a breeze of fresh air to everyone that got to meet him. Everywhere he went he was recognised and loved. There was something so special about him that people couldn't help but to feel safe and understood around him. He was the best husband, father and friend anyone could've asked for.

There was this really selfish part of me that wanted to keep him around forever. I imagined myself getting home from work and seeing him, talking with him like we did before, asking for advice or even just watching tv. But soon I learned that there was nothing else for me to do, keeping him around was cruel for him. It would've come to a point where all he could feel was pain. 

This will be the biggest adjustment in my life to date. Now with my father gone, my mum and I are left alone in the apartment, and we'll have to learn how to work well together and not fight as much so we can keep the last promise we made to him. His two tornados will learn and be better for each other. 

Thanks for 25 years dad, no one will ever forget you, ever. I love you. 

Mayte.

 My life changes on the daily, one day I can be having a great, chill day and others I may feel like the world is crumbling down under my feet, and for a while that kept me from doing things I loved or even enjoying life as it is. There was nothing I could focus on, nothing that would make me feel comfortable or proud of what I was doing. 

It's fair to say I was in a really negative headspace and not doing anything to change it. Then I got sick, and not the kind that would go away once you took medicine, this was serious. I got scared, it's been years since my body gave up on me that way. I couldn't keep food down, I lost weight rapidly and the only thing that kept me going was the little bits of food I could eat here and there. 

As stupid as it sounds, I refused to ask for help. That would mean I failed, everything I had worked for that year was going to be thrown away because I worked so hard I forgot that you need your health to keep going. I cried, it broke me down to a point were I didn't get out of bed for 24 hours. I f*cked it up big time. 

The next Monday I went to see my family doctor, he assured me I would be okay, there may be an ulcer but nothing that would kill me if I kept my word and started taking care of myself. The next two weeks were hell for me. My morning routine included me throwing up bilis and I thought there would be no turning back for me.

The stress my mum went through those weeks was almost unbearable, seeing my father fight cancer while my health deteriorated too was the worst punishment. And then something clicked, medicines kicked in, food started to become a friend again. Life started to get brighter and better. 

I'm a month into treatment and there's still a long way to go through. I was in denial of how much of my ED voice was still within me. "Eat later, you have too much work", "it's too late, wait until lunch and have a better meal". The signs were all there but I denied myself from seeing them, just as I did before. 

Now, I'm living my life the same way I'm eating, as weird as it sounds. I'm doing bits, eating a little more each day, taking life as it comes, learning not to stress over the little things. Becoming someone I can feel proud of. Maybe I didn't know enough, maybe I needed to hit rock bottom to understand it, the important part is that now is that I'm working towards that goal of actually getting better. 

Mayte

Getting our lives "back on track" seems a common goal throughout life but what once you start thinking about it, the idea of it becomes ambiguous and everything becomes about personal interpretation of that phrase. For me it was always about being the most productive person I could possibly be, but as years went by I started to learn that there's more to it. 

Before the idea of having everything clean and organised was the epitome of "having my life together", it worked for a few years, mostly because I had the extra time to keep a house picture perfect but life started to change and the three hours I had to clean started to get replaced by work and school.

Suddenly the idea I had built in my mind about how my life was supposed to look like disappeared and I was left with something new, something I had to figure out from scratch. It was time for me to adapt and keep moving from what I knew and what I wanted to learn. It was time for a new chapter but boy was I lost. 

So, I did what every sane person would do, I freaked out and stayed in my pile of depression for a while. I became a slave of my own self. I wanted to change nothing, if anything I was so stuck in my old ways that I fought to keep them even if they weren't working. I was in between two completely different parts of my life.

This went on for about a year, I was lost on the person I wanted to keep on being that I couldn't really enjoy life as it was happening. I was miserable and didn't know where to start the change, then my dad's health declined and everything I'd been avoiding started hitting me in the face. Reality stuck in a way it hadn't ever before. 

As I'm writing this, I'm a month away from turning 25, reaching that quarter of life and I figured what better way to quick start this new part of my life that with a series of how and why I'm making those changes in my life. This will be more "personal diaries" so instead of having a set schedule, I'll be writing as inspiration strikes. 

I hope you like it and get inspired to maybe change those little things that bother you and make something good out of them. Who knows, there may be more to it than you are seeing.

Mayte.

"Now, you have to promise me something"
His voice went down, his tone serious. It was obvious that he was scared of what may happen or even my reaction, I knew he hadn't kill anyone, but it was obvious that whatever he was about to tell me made him uncomfortable.
"Whatever you want"
"Nothing that I tell you tonight can leave this room"
"Don't worry about that, you know I'm not one to judge, I can't"
"I don't know where to start"
"What's up with Dawn? She looks like she's into you."
"Well.."
"Maybe we should end this"
"What?"
"I don't see this working any more Dawn" I knew the tears where coming, I hated to see her cry "It's about me, I need to focus, be more myself"
"Is it because of her? Did she break you that much?" 
I wanted to lie, I wanted to tell her that the Jake that she'd known for 16 years was still there, but truth be told, I wasn't the same. Deanna broke me and burnt the pieces. There's nothing else in there. 
"It's not because of her" I knew my voice sounded harsher than I anticipated "If you could only let her go..."
"How? How am I supposed to let go the girl that changed you this much when even you are not over her?"
"Stop it Dawn" I could feel the pressure building inside me. 
"Stop what? There's nothing left here Jake. You were right, you destroy everything you touch"

"So you broke her heart and then came back for the pieces?"
"I did"
"And how did we got here? I mean she looks like she's really into you right now"
"This is where your whole impression of me could change"
"What did you do Jake?"
"Remember last summer when I told you that I was dating someone?"
"Oh when you called me a prude? I do"
"Can I stay the night?"
"I assumed you would, you know my parents love it when you stay here"
"Let me call my mum to let her know"
As she got up from the bed I got a twinge of guilt, I knew all of this was wrong, she shouldn't be here and I shouldn't have slept with her. I should be with someone else...
"All set but I'm going to have to leave quite early"
"Don't worry, I'll wake you up so you can have enough time to get ready"
"Can I ask you something?" 
Her voice sounded different, there was a hint of something I couldn't recognise, sitting myself up to look at her I saw pain, just like the day we broke it off. Not trusting myself enough to say anything I nodded.
"Why do you keep doing this? It's been three years since she left you..."
"Dawn, are you sure you want to do this now?" I said interrupting her, she was stepping in dangerous territory. 
"I need to know Jake, we've been here for quite a while and if you are only using me, I need to know"
"You know what we are, it works for us. We can't be anything else and you know why."

"Now, one dance is more than enough for me and everyone else here, don't you think?"
"No, if we stop you are going to make me talk and to be honest, I don't want to"
"Save this girl from the pain"
"Should I? You seem to get along quite well..."
"That's why she's been harassing me?" A laugh escaped my lips "You should have told me before"
"They think you are fresh meat, right?" His eyes wondered around the party "Maybe I should tell you about them, it's quite interesting..."
"You've used your sorcery with them?"
"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't do anything special, I'm just myself"
"That's pure ego, you can't be that charming"
"Are you sure?" He said taking a step closer "They see something in me"
My laugh grew as the song finished, it was obvious for me that he was avoiding telling me the story about those two, but now I was so invested that there was no way I was going to let all of this slip while they trash-talked other girls.
"I need to know, they can't be like that just because they want to, they need a motive"
"And they may have a motive, but before I tell you, you have to promise me one thing..."
"Yes, to whatever it is" There was a hint of desperation in my voice "I know you well enough to see that you are hiding something"
"I'm avoiding your questions, yes"
"Why?"
"Because the more you know about Faith and Sophie, the less you are going to like me..."
"That's imposible! You can be worse than the guys I know..." I bet he remembered some of the stories.
"Mentally unstable? That's your thing, not mine"
"Now, can you please tell me about all of this and why everyone seems to be treating me like I'm the newbie?"
"The newbie?"
"Your friend right there..." I wish I could remember names more easily...
"Ben...?"
"Your friend Ben right there was giving me advice on how to survive with all this vultures around you"
"Ben? Really? He's quite guarded with new people, he must really like you..."
"I'm adorable"
"We'll se about that"
"Don't change the subject, I want and need to know about everything that's happening here"

If I had to guess I would say that Faith was set on making him look bad for everyone, maybe this was her way of defending her cause or maybe this was her way of freeing up the path for her.
"Faith, that's where you got it all wrong. Jake isn't half bad as others that I've dated, the difference here is that I don't care. We are friends, close ones. Now that you know, can you stop?"
"If you are friends then why is he looking at you like that?"
"Like what? Like we have an inner joke? Like we know each other? Stop looking for things that aren't there, okay?"
With that I got up, the only thing that could calm me down was a cigarette and something strong like tequila. When I accepted the invitation I never expected having to deal with this kind of people. I knew he had ex girlfriends as friends but this was out of my patience's reach, this party became a witch hunt.
How come no one else around here seemed to be as bothered as me? It seemed like this was a newbie initiation, seeing how far they could go, how much they could push a person until it broke down.
"Something bothering you?" I wish I remember his name, he was the first one here "Or maybe someone?"
"You already know who, why do you even ask?"
"Feisty, but I like you so I'm going to give you an advice..."
"I didn't ask for anything" I turned to leave, if only they could leave me alone for 5 minutes, I would be able to think.
"Unsolicited advice then" He grabbed me by the arm "Faith, she's different from all of us, don't take anything that she says. I've talked with Jake about her but he's still defending her, even when her main goal in life is being with him. She still thinks they can be couple, when Jake has moved on from her. Don't let anything she says push you away, you two seem good friends."
"Exactly that, friends. She's looking for something else."
"She's going to continue with that, you can either let her win or spend a good time with him." A grin appeared in his face "You care a lot for him, right? Go talk to him, make him explain you why Sophie and Faith are like that, he can help you understand everything"
"You care a lot about him too"
"After all this years..."
Looking up to the stars I realised he, whoever he was,was right, no one could comment on this but Jake. I just wish he could've warned me about this, maybe save me from this pounding headache.
"You know what can help you relax? A beer and a dance"
"That's what you say to everyone"
"I do but I like you and you seem to be quite normal compared to the other vultures around here"
"More like bitches"
"Now I get it" H was laughing "You have a sense of humour, maybe that's why you get along so well"
"Maybe, he's a good friend"
"He is, he has a sensible heart and he's lost a lot because of it"
"I could see some of that..."
"Done talking?" His voice was deep and shaky, Jake was right behind me "Do you want to dance?"
"Are you drunk?"
"No, but you'll have to drink with me if you want to see me like that"
"Come here" I said coming close to his ear "I'll dance if you tell me the story between Faith and Sophie"
A deep laugh escaped his lips while he turned to look at his friend.
"You told her?" He seemed to consider my request "We should keep you out of this mess but I don't think you'll leave me alone if I don't tell you but we need to dance first"

Lying seemed like someone people out here were used to doing, everyone seemed to have their hidden interest with Jake. The more I talked with them, the more I found out about him, about the person behind the party. I could tell that everyone was looking for something, but what? What wsa about him that everyone wanted?
"What about you?" Sophie's voice brought me back from my day dream
"Excuse me? I wasn't listening"
"I asked if you had a boyfriend or a partner"
"Not really, I like being single"
"Me too, but I feel like I need someone, you know?" His eyes drifted to the other side of the room"Someone mature, with goals, aspirations, someone... mature"
"Ever met anyone?" The answer was clear for everyone out there.
"Not really, I've been single for about a year, ever since that guy I told you about" Her attention drifted "He made crave something more serious with someone more mature"
"I get you, I once dated someone younger than me and it all went too fast with him" It was the first time Faith talked in a while "He wanted to meet my family and we weren't even together"
"And you? Have you dated anyone younger?" Sophie asked me
"No, young isn't my thing"
"But you do go out, don't you?"
That made me laugh, a part of me wanted to correct them. It was true that I wasn't one to flaunt my relationships, I loved my privacy and every relationship was for myself and no one else. But there was this other part of me that wanted to accept that I had been known for dating multiple people.
"I do, not lately, but I've been known for that"
"Was Jake one of them?"
"Why does everyone want to find a connection between Jake and me?"
Now I had to accept that what seemed like a practical joke at the beginning now was making me wonder why everyone seemed so keen on finding out if Jake was single or not. Something was up with him and this party.
"Everyone? More than one has asked you?"
"Everyone has asked me since I got here and I don't get it"
"Yes, even Faith here was asking me earlier about him"
In other conditions I wouldn't have involved Faith in all of this but seeing her facial expression made me realise that maybe I was right, something about her was off.
"Why did you want to know?"
Popcorn would have been great for something like this. Sophie seemed annoyed at the thought of Faith figuring out something about Jake, but at the same time Faith seemed like she didn't care enough about Sophie's outrage.
"We both know that someone like her isn't going to last around here, she's too... sweet for this"
"Around here? Why are you so set on putting a bad image of him on me?"
"Look around, every single girl around here has been with him. Now ask me how many have lasted long enough to call them their girlfriends"

"She told you that? She can be serious about can she? Can she?"
If there was one thing I was sure about was that he was mad, he sounded mad and for the first time during this party I wish I hadn't said anything.
"You were his last serious relationship, right?"
"I wouldn't really call it serious but if that was for her..."
"It was" I interrupt him, mostly because I can't help it "You were with her about a year and half ago"
"What else did she told you?" Now he was curious.
"No, no. I want to know your side of the story first"
"Why are you like this?" He was rolling his eyes at me "I'll tell you later, okay? Come here, we need to dance first"
It was my time to roll my eyes at him, I hated dancing or at least the kind that he danced. A part of me wanted to leave but after everything that just happened, I was ready for more, even if that meant dancing a little bit.
Agreeing to all of this called for more alcohol. If I was going to do something like this I might as well enjoy a few drinks. Getting a little bit drunk can help my and others cause. Without inhibitions I might be able to talk a little bit more with them and find an answer to why they are here trying to be with Jake.
A part of me expected this outcome, partying before seemed funny, partying now seemed like something I wanted to enjoy once again but hadn't worked out the way I wanted to. It seemed like this part of me was happy to go out, sing and let all my problems go, but another part of me was terrified of going back to my old me, of getting drunk and doing something I would regret.
And of course there was the anxiety factor, having a panic attack in the middle of a party isn't exactly ideal.
Now that I was starting to warm up to everyone in the party I could see that everyone had their groups, everyone except Faith, for some reason that girl seemed approachable but quite difficult at the same time.
"Where have you been?" There was a hint of anger in her voice. "You left me with Sophie"
"Sorry? I was smoking, you said you hated the smell..."
"I do, you shouldn't smoke though"
She was really vocal about this, much more if we took in consideration that I met her a few hours ago.
"I should, I really should..." At this point I should at least consider it.
"Have you known Jake for long?"
"What?"
"You two seem quite close, how long have you been friends? I've never heard about you..."
I could either make her suffer and have a little fun or make her have a run for her money.
"We've been working together for the last three years but only came close this year, why?"
"Nothing, it's just that he doesn't introduce new girls regularly and when he does... well, let's just say it's because he wants something more than just a friendship"
"Really?" There was a hint of sarcasm in my voice that I couldn't hide.
"Look around, each one of the girls here is looking for something and it all has to do with him."
"Jake? Then, why are you here?"
"Because he's my friend and it his birthday"
"Right, do you want another beer?"
Maybe I was being a little bit paranoiac, maybe I was being precocious but something about Faith was making me nervous.

I knew this was a bad idea.There were more people than I even anticipated, I should've known better than this. This feels like one of those times in which life wants to prove me that it's not this easy, that I maybe I should pay more attention next time I accept to go out again, it feels like not even the cigarettes are going to save me tonight.
Drag after drag I feel my anxiety fade, "It can't be like this forever" I tell myself even when I know I'm lying. I should know what my body is capable of by now, I can either find something to distract myself with or I bust with the last blow of my cigarette, that's when I see her.
I don't remember her name but she's all over him. A part of me wishes I could've noticed her before, she was here when I arrived and now that I've seen her with him it's obvious that she's waiting for something other than just a hug. She's trying to make an statement and if I'm correct, none of this is going to end well.
Grabbing my phone I take note, I know someone that will be impressed by this story besides me, Isa, she's been thinking about this party even more than me. I wish she was able to come but work is work and there's no way of escaping any of that.
"Update 378: I've met what I would assume would be her ex or someone new, I wish I could remember her name but for now we'll call her "N", she seems to be the most normal out of all of them. I still don't know what to do with myself or if I should leave, I have a backup. You can laugh at me tomorrow."
"Why so lonely?" I looked up to see him, the party boy in front of me.
"Jake, I'm... taking a break, it's been a while" For some reason he was able to make me nervous without even trying.
"Come on, it's not that bad, is it?" He said while looking around "You've been talking to a few of them haven't you?"
"I've met Sophie and Faith? I'm really bad with names"
"Yes, how's Sophie?"
"Great, she's... interesting" Quite a character but I wasn't allowed to say that much "Why? Someone important?An ex maybe?"
"Maybe but I feel like you already know and you are not telling me" He had a grin on his face, like he knew I was up to something.
"Because maybe I shouldn't tell you, all I know is that there's three women trying to get into your bed tonight"
His laughter filled the space, a part of me expected this reaction, he knew how observant I usually was but another part of me expected him to be more discrete or even annoyed at my statement, instead we both were here laughing at how obnoxious the situation was.
"Remember when I told you about one of my crazy girlfriends? Who do you think she is?"
"The girl you were hugging?" I wish I had better memory "What's her name?"
"Dawn? No, she's another story but now that you mention her you should know her too"
"Sophie? It's her isn't it?"
"Your face, you should see it. What do you know?"
"Everything makes perfect sense now, everything that she has been talking about, you are the bastard that broke her heart"

Looking at myself in the mirror I could see how rosy my cheeks were, there was no way of hiding my nervousness. This was going to be my first party in years, maybe even my first party since becoming legal. Maybe I wasn't as ready as I first thought, but there was no way I could back down from the invitation.
I didn't have a plan, I just knew that for the first time in years I was happy to go out at night or so I thought. "Why did I even accept?" I was questioning myself, my ability to make smart decisions once again.
If my teenage self saw me like this, she would be laughing. No one would've believed how hard this was for me a few years back. Being the life of the party was part of a past I kept from everyone new that entered my life. It wasn't worth sharing that, it wasn't worth changing everyone else's opinion of me.
Maybe a nap would've helped, more sleep is good for the soul. Maybe going out the night before wasn't my best idea, but something about this party seemed right. Something was telling me that no matter what happened tonight, I wasn't going to regret going out or even staying the night out.
"One last call" was my thought, "One last call to the one person that's going to help me come through."
"Lou?" I could hear voices on the other side "Busy? Should I call later?"
"No, just wait" I was starting to walk in circles. I could hear him shushing everyone around him. "Are you okay? You sound... flustered"
"Remember how I told you I was going up to this party with people I don't really know and how I was going to be entering the lions cave?"
"You are nervous right? You are doing that thing were you get all flustered, throw a tantrum but end up doing what you first were going to do"
"No!" Without looking I knew the look he had on his face "Okay, maybe..."
"You can't do that all your life." The voices in the background interrupted him "Wait a second"
The laughs and yelling stopped for a second before I heard him again "Can you hear me?"
"So I'm pulling you from your friends?" There was a tone of mockery in my voice.
"No, you never do that. Anyway, you have to man up or woman up and go in there. Stop throwing this tantrum and enjoy the party, you know you can do it, you did it yesterday."
"I'll buy tequila, I'll get drunk and I'll see you later tonight" Now I was smiling, making him angry was my favourite sport.
Before he could talk there was a shout, maybe a girl, perhaps he was on a date. I had to start making mental notes on asking him whether or not he was dating someone.
"Don't, tequila does nothing for you or me for that matter"
"Are you sure you are not busy? And I'll buy some, it'll be my birthday gift to the party boy and i'll make me man up or woman up"
"Don't go in with the idea of getting drunk, have a good time, enjoy the party and if you have time or trouble, call me"
Now I knew he was serious, he wasn't one to joke around safety or not at least mine.
"I promise I'll be safe but send me your location, I might need a backup"
"You'll be fine, I promise. Now, have fun."
There are very few people that can help me calm down, Lou was one of them and even when I hated admitting how important he was for me and how he was always right, he was and he was important. Now that my mind was clearer I had a party to attend, the first one in years. What could possibly go wrong?

October is one of my favourite months of the year quickly followed by December and maybe May. It marks a month long of birthday celebrations as half of my family was born during this month, but most importantly, I turn 23 on the 12th and this year unlike any other I want to do something different and enjoy the month.
For the past four years something has happened in the approach of my birthday making it feel like something bad is meant to happen. We've been in the hospital, in a funeral, driving to another state because of a family emergency, you name it.All of this has happened days before my birthday leaving me with this sour taste when the day arrives.
The only thing I'm asking for myself this year is calmness, peace and a little bit of cake. I want to be with myself, enjoy everything and do those little things I love, eat good food and rest. Maybe I'll throw a little one day trip in there, but who knows.
Anyway, as I was contemplating what to do for this year's project, I came across an idea, a project I've always left hanging and didn't really pay attention to for years. I want to write a story. It seems like the natural next step in my writing life.
The recovery series will continue in November but I figured that taking a little break from the anxiety stories will do all of us some good.
The story will be special, it's a twist on something I got to live in the last party I went to. I have the special permission from the main character to share a little take on what I saw during that night and dawn.
It all started as a joke with "Chef". I started sending "updates" on how the party was going and a little joke became a true story line, one I became so involved with that there was no way of taking it off of my mind so I decided to share it will all of you.
I hope you get to enjoy it as much as I did, it was an amazing night. I'll be posting every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Saturday will be reviews and Sunday a little catch up, who knows what October has stored for us, right? For now remember to keep on dreaming.

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”

Henry David Thoreau

Good or bad, our lives are filled with memories, moments we've gone through from bad hair cuts, to afternoons full of laughs, tears and even fear, no matter what it was about, everyone has memories and has lived moments that have helped them become who they are now.
Every second of our life something is happening, it may not be exciting, it may not be something to remember but we are living and that's all that should matter, at least for you.
When we don't do something we get stucked in this though of "What could have happend?"/"What if...?" that haunts us for months at the time, not letting us forget about everything that we could have said, everything that we could have done to change that one little thing that is bothering us.
We've all been there, we hold on to the past and fear the idea of the future and ignore everything that's going on around us until it's too late, until we can't do anything and we've already missed the moment. It's quite easy to get lost.
Everyone tells you to just live the moment, to leave your phone at home, to not worry about anything that's coming next, because you can't do anything to change what you've done and you cannot do anything if you don't fully know what's coming next so, why worry now?
Live in the moment, enjoy what going on around you, cry, laugh, think, rest, whatever you do, enjoy it, it's never coming back and it's true what they say, once you start getting old, everything starts getting harder and goes faster.
Enjoy what you have now instead of regretting what you didn't do before.

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.”

George R.R. Martin

Read, there's no secret in me saying that I love reading, I read 70+ books a year, mostly romance and drama, although I also love reading a little bit of suspense and crime. Either a magazine, a book or an ebook, you'll never find me without something I can read.
At first it was something I was able to do to escape the real world, involving myself in imaginary stories, falling in love with the douche that suddenly converts itself to this knight in shiny armour to save the pretty damsel in distress.
Then I realised that there was more to a book than that, there are a million and one thoughts of what's going to happen with each character and if there's going to become a series, the plot, the storyline, everything has to be really thought out.
It became one of my main activities on a day to day basis, there isn't a day in which I don't read something and that has not only helped me improve my vocabulary in english and spanish, but it also helps me relax.
There are many benefits to reading, most of which I've talked a lot of in the past, but instead of reading because it's going to improve your memory or lower your stress levels, do it because you like it, there are millions of books out there for you to chose from.
If you aren't a fellow reader, ask for a recommendation from someone, you'll be surprised by the amazing titles you'll be able to find, or go to a bookstore, see what rings your bell, whatever you do, remember to give it a fair shot, the first 100 pages are crucial in any book.
Reading helps nourish the soul.

"Now that I'm a parent, I understand why my father was in a bad mood a lot."

Adam Sandler

Youth is something I never wanna take for granted. I just want to smile and live life.

Tyler, The Creator

My dad always tells me to enjoy life stages as you only get to be this young, this stupid once, and for a few years I didn't understand what he meant by that, because if your parents tell you something, you just brush it off most of the times.
During high school I decided I was old enough to make my own decisions, I was a big girl and if I wanted to go out with my friends, get home late and drink my ass off I was going to do it, because I knew what the world was about and there was no way my parents knew more than me, I mean they were older and times change.
The other day I passed through one of the bars I used to go to when I was 17, it had a new concept, it wasn't the same three story building with a pool. It has a much more relaxed feeling now and even when I don't miss that part of my life, I got nostalgic, I had so many memories from that place.
When I talk with my friends I realise I missed so many moments with them out of being rebellious, or not paying attention to what was going on around me and those moments never come back, I could have waited, I could have enjoyed the time I had with my friends instead of going out with people that later turned their back at me.
I can't go back in time, I wish I could, but I cant, what I can do is learn from those mistakes, pay more attention to the moments and enjoy life and it's stages, because as much as you want to go faster and life live like older people, you'll regret what you didn't do at your time.
Enjoy life, live it freely and don't rush, nothing good comes out of it.

“This thing about you that you think is your flaw - it's the reason I'm falling in love with you.”

Colleen Hoover

"If you can love yourself how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?" says RuPaul as his show is ending, I've been watching "Drag Race" for over three hours and I can already see why people love it, it's not about wigs or transformation (although that is fun too), it's about people accepting who they are, but also being accepted.
About four years ago I gained a lot of weight, if you are familiar with that you may also know that it takes a turn on your confidence as clothes don't fit you the same way they used to and people start to point it in not the nicest ways, even when they are not meaning to offend you.
About two years ago I started to lose those extra pounds when I started working out and getting a little bit into yoga, I remember how many people told me I looked good and I should keep going, while others asked about my weight gain and what had happened there, at the time I brushed those questions away, I was not interested on what others had to say about me or my body transformation.
Later I realised that I was so on the fence about those comments because near inside I still keep those rude questions back in the day and although I knew I was working out for myself, my health, I didn't want anyone to drift that attention from there.
Throughout that year I learned to love myself, my body and all the flaws it had, like stretchmarks and scars I have, I still feel conscious about it but I'm starting to accept them and even when I wish they weren't there, I know they tell a story of who I was and who I'm becoming, they show growth and many stories I once will tell my grandchildren.
And once I started to love myself I realised that other people started paying attention too, I noticed that a lot more people thought I was pretty or that I looked good, confidence brought that attention and it wasn't until I talked with "Chef" about it that I understood that phrase.
The lesson? Learn to love yourself for who you are, for what you do, not because someone else tells you how pretty you are, do it for yourself and the rest will come.

“... it’s a blessed thing to love and feel loved in return.”

E.A. Bucchianeri

Falling in love is portrayed as this unique experience that you may be able to only live once or twice if you are really lucky, you are supposed to hear wedding bells, see the world in pink and smell the roses from afar, but that almost never happens.
A lot of people fall in love with the idea of love and look out for it, they search like dogs, until they find something similar to it, they settle for a while until they realise that wasn't what they were looking for, others, like me, don't look out for love, as many past experiences have proved us that maybe love isn't about roses and wedding bells.
I like to think I believe in love, I've gotten my heart broken more than once by people I once thought I loved when in reality, all it was that I cared for them and someone snuck the idea of love in my head, making it hard to forget and move on.
As I said before I just recently said goodbye to one of my love interest from high school, it took me a hell of a long time to realise that I cared for him, that I once thought he was my friend and I almost idolised him for so long, that when I started to see his true colours I realised that maybe it wasn't love, maybe it was a friendship that was evolving before everything went to sh*t.
After that I closed myself to men and love in general, I couldn't bare the idea of someone coming close enough to discover who I really was, I was afraid someone would hurt me as bad as others did in the past, I was scared that if I cared enough, they would hurt me.
It took a long while for me to understand that maybe you shouldn't be afraid of such a pure feeling, love hurts and it isn't easy but at the end it's worthy, I can see it every time my mum worries for my father or in the eyes of different couples.
Love is complicated, love is one of those things you've got to feel in order to understand what the fuss is about, you cannot live it through other's experiences, but you can indeed choose whether or not you'll be open to the idea of love.
Don't be afraid of love, open yourself to it, if it's right, even if it hurts, it'll all be worthy at the end.

Work as hard as you can, let your mind be free, all lessons I've learned in the past, but one that popped out quite recently was that no matter how busy you are, how much you nourish your mind, your body also needs to be taken care of.
Our bodies are perfect machines that work all day and night for all of our life, without a break, they recent when you are under a lot of stress, when you don't eat properly and when you don't stop, everything you do affects your body.
I learned this the hard way when I started getting sick every two weeks or so, it didn't matter the sickness, from stomach issues, to the flue, to hard pain, to even menstrual problems my body was trying to tell me something, something I was ignoring until I couldn't.
I don't know if you remember but over this year's summer break I went down with an ugly stomach issue, I couldn't eat, sit down, bend down, stand up or anything that meant putting a bit of extra pressure on my tummy, I woke up crying over the pain and had to rush to see my doctor, because this pain was unlike anything I had felt in my life.
Over the next months I started to take a bit more care of my body, mostly because there were many meals I couldn't eat and if I dared, I would be punished with a nasty pain in my tummy for at least two hours. My tummy was recovering and so did I.
We live under the misconception that taking care of our bodies is expensive or really hard, but is it? I've learned that in fact, it is quite easy if you find a little bit of time to listen to what your body has to say and do something about it.
Eat your greens, work out, relax, sleep 8 hours, drink water and your body is going to thank you.