There's a difference between good criticism and bad criticism, we all know it, but lately people don't seem to really recognise the difference between the two and have been really outspoken about the aspects about my life they don't agree with. Not because I have a wild lifestyle, just because it doesn't sit well with them.
The main reason for me to talk about this is my boss, my new and neurotic boss. I've been an assistant twice now, I get what I have to do, I know what I should always avoid and what I have to face no matter what. The problem here is that my neurotic boss, who we shall call "Manic", really wants to immerse himself into my personal life.
Everyone knows, unless you are close to me, I won't talk about my dates or friendships, I don't find it necessary and, in some of my friends' words "makes me look like a prude" which isn't a bad thing, but it isn't really my character.
This behaviour goes back to how I was raised, I was always told by my parents to recognise with who I could talk about certain topics, to be more guarded and really separate my personal life and my profesional life. A knowledge I've taken to the next level, separating my personal life from my family and work. Unless I feel like it's someone close to me and worthy, I won't talk about it.
So when my boss decided it was okay to talk about my personal even when I was certainly uncomfortable and give his opinion, telling me I give this vibe, like I'm lonely, something moved inside me. The question resonated so much with me that I questioned myself all day, thinking that maybe he was right.
It came to the point in which I had to ask someone, I couldn't keep it to myself so I asked "Cheri" and everyone I could reach really. Their answer is what you would have expected a big no accompanied by a "if it's taking so much energy out of you, maybe you need to think about it". They are right, I was overthinking something I thought I'd come of off.
Criticism gets to you in the weirdest ways, sometimes it's going to come out of nowhere at a time when you feel vulnerable, it's going to get to you, but you can learn from it and move on from there. This is one of those escenarios in which you've gotta remember who you are and let people's opinion slip by.

Ever since that day I've been thinking a lot, maybe I'm wrong about my attitude after what happened, maybe I shouldn't have said anything, maybe everyone else is right and things like this should be kept from the world.
The more I think about it, the less it makes sense. I know people aren't trained to talk about mental health and most of them don't know how to react when someone tells them what they've been going through, but sometimes saying that you are right there for them is more than enough and will do more good than giving advice, and more if it's "obvious" advice.
This is one of the reasons of why mental health is still a taboo subject, because the few people that are open to talk about it get judged for it or are giving "life advice" by people that think is all about being happy, feeling better  or eating healthier.
Whenever I try to explain what I deal with, I get mixed reactions, some recommending natural remedies, some telling me to not make such a big deal of everything around me and others being emphatic, giving me their support and making me feel like I'm not crazy, because more people than you think are going through this.
Sometimes it feels like I can't even talk about how having anxiety affects my sleep, my eating behaviours or merely the way I manage myself. It's more than getting nervous over something, it's more than losing a few hours of sleep and it's certainly more than just being afraid of someone getting close to you on public transport.
Yes, sometimes my anxiety lets me do most of my daily activities. Those are the good days, when I wake up and feel like I'm ready for what the world has in store for me. It feels like I can be a normal human being and not worry about controlling the little things. Most of my days are like this.
Then there are bad days, some start from the moment I wake up, some start after my morning coffee and others are triggered by something that happens, it doesn't have to be a big event, sometimes the tinniest things are the ones that send me on a downward spiral. Those are the days I want the world to stop for a little bit just so I can take a nap and maybe feel better after that.
That's why it's so hard for me to explain how it affects my daily life and how I manage it. Every time I feel like I have it figured it out, something changes and my whole system is thrown off. It's a constant battle but one that I'm not afraid to fight anymore because the good days make it all worthy.
If you know someone that is going through something similar, don't give unsolicited advice, ask them if they need anything and remind them that what they are doing is amazing, going through this makes them stronger than anyone can imagine.

Opening up about your struggles is one of the hardest things I've ever had to face. Opening up about it with someone you used to care so much about but you haven't had any contact with in the past 7 years, it's even worse. It's one of those things you never think of doing but once you are there, in the moment, it just comes out.
The beginning of my problem isn't documented, it happened after some comments from people that thought it was okay to comment on the size of a teenager, nothing wrong could've happened, right?
Somehow those words got to me and moved something that I never really thought about, I was 15, I shouldn't have to think of that.
It didn't matter how hard I tried, everyone was still talking, some good some bad. My parents caught up with the problem quite quickly, asking questions, taking precautions but even then, nothing could stop the vicious cycle I got myself into. Food was an enemy and it wasn't meant to enter my body.
Whenever I talk about this it always comes down to why did I do this to myself? Why didn't I just ate something? and how did I "recover"? And I always make it seem like it was a problem that just stopped, suddenly I started eating again, when in reality it took years of therapy and seeing doctors, because my health had been compromised and eating wasn't as easy as it was for everyone else.
I saw how his face changed, from happy to worry and pity, two of the feelings I've avoided for as long as I can remember, the main reason for my silence about this.
A part of me regretted it right there and then, he was feeling sorry for myself, for what I did and kept on doing for years, and my heart broke. I was no longer the girl he idolised years back, because now that he saw me broken he thought he had the right to put me back like I was one of his life projects.
The illusion broke when he told me to eat with him, to accept an invitation to my favourite place. I know he was saying it with the best intention but the way he worded it made it feel like I was a sick kid that he needed to take care of. I felt so vulnerable and broken, like all the work I've been putting on myself was for nothing.
I declined the invitation and went home feeling tired emotionally and physically. I realised I couldn't do that with everyone because telling someone to eat isn't going to cure their eating disorders but showing support will do.

I'm not certain on how it started, I just remember those dark days in which food seemed the enemy, just like everyone else. Every opinion was made to hurt me, to make me feel like my value was deeply connected to the number on my pants, the smaller it was the better I was, the prettier I would be.
Last week I ran into an old friend, he's one of the three men that got away. My memories of him are nothing but sweet, he was someone that saw beyond the looks, he would always comment on other assets, take care of me and even when my mind told me not to trust anyone, my heart always told me he was sincere.
It seems like I rejected him, the one hidden talent I didn't know I had. He "made it" in those years we were apart, he got married and had two beautiful kids. He has an amazing job and financial stability, yet I felt like I was seeing the same boy, something about him felt familiar and suddenly after everything that I'd gone through that week I felt safe.
It was one of those weird moments in which you feel like someone up there, a higher force, is giving a sign, nodding at you, saying that slumps are slumps and you are going to be okay. It lifted a weight of off my shoulders and I found myself laughing for the first time that week.
The closeness was still there and everything about the encounter seemed natural, like it was meant to be. It almost felt like destiny was trying to tell me something.
Once we started to talk and catch up, I realised he didn't know what I went through when we met, very few people did, so once he started complimenting me, saying things that knew would get to me I broke down, because just like a few years back, I was struggling to see what everyone else saw, to feel worthy of the attention everyone was giving me.
But before I could say anything he told me something I can't forget, something I always thought about but never really worked on. He told me that I used to be closed off, I had a wall around me and no one was able to go through it, not even him. He dropped a bucket of iced water on me.
After all this years he was right, I had a wall, I still have a part of that wall and I don't know how to let go of the comfort and security it gives me because deep down I know that when I know down those walls, someone is going to hurt me.

Didn't you miss this little life updates? I didn't, but right now we are due one, so much has happened in the past week that I don't even know where to start or how to explain everything that went on in the past 12 days but we shall try and we shall get through this.
Everything started two Wednesdays ago, my grandma broke her arm. She was getting ready and she lost her balance. I was in the hospital with her all day and it was one of the most stressful days I've had in a long, long time. I was panicking all day but managed to keep my mind clear enough to not freak her out too.
She was recovering, doing better when we started to realise a few changes on her attitude, on her sleeping patterns, she was more anxious than ever and if you've ever spent time with someone that suffers demencia you may know how much it affects them to not sleep and how vivid hallucinations can be.
The new medication doctor's gave her were inhibiting the effect of her anxiety medications and she was suffering from severe side effects, some weren't even mentioned to us. As soon as we were able to pin point what was wrong, we stopped the medication and focused on hydrating her.
Why I'm mentioning this is to bring more awareness to people that have family members with chronic diseases to pay more attention to the medication you are giving them and ask if your are feeling like one medication may not be good for them. Say something, ask different opinions and don't be afraid to seem like an annoying patient, you are looking out for them.
As for myself, well, I've been doing better, I'm more calm than before but unfortunately it isn't all fun and games. I was in a car accident last week, I was with my mum, coming back from a meeting when a truck hit the taxi we were into. It wasn't anything serious for us, but the taxi's trunk was quite damaged.
We went to the ER, they told me I suffered from a little bit of whiplash and couldn't do any exercise or carry more than 10 kilos for about ten days, but I was good to go without a neck collar which helped me feel better as there was nothing severely wrong with my spine or neck.
I've been in pain ever since, not strong pain but the kind of pain you know it's there and won't go away, but I'm grateful not only for the taxi driver that was overly nice to us, trying to call an ambulance but grateful for the fact that my mum and I made it through just with minor injures, it was a scary experience.
Now you know, my life hasn't been the easiest the past weeks but I've managed to pull through feeling like I can do this, mostly because I know I can. All of this that's been going on it's temporary, every injury is going to heal, every one of us is going to feel better and that's why I'm keeping my mind positive and clear.
It's tough, but as tough as it can be I know I can pull through, my family can pull through and once it all gets better we will be looking back, feeling proud of ourselves and everything we did right. It's a hard way to grow and mature, but sometimes that's the only way to realise where you are wrong and where you can improve.

"Have you been eating your carbohydrates?" That's the first question the nutritionist asks my father, but somehow her question resonates with me. Have I been eating enough to fuel my body? or have I've been neglecting my eating behaviours again? Looking back in the past two weeks I can see where I went wrong.
Stress and lack of time can help you justify bad behaviours, you tell yourself that only this time is going to be like this, even if it's the 5th time this month of you doing it. We get so wrapped up in our heads that we forget that it doesn't matter how much you work, if your body isn't healthy enough, you aren't going to get anywhere.
Think, when was the last time you felt irritable, sad, without energy? Now think if you drank enough water, ate enough or got enough sleep? You've got your answers and no matter how much you want to lie to yourself, the truth is going to be there and is up to you to change it or not.
I have to be honest here, I didn't realise that my lack of energy was because I wasn't eating enough, I blamed everything I could before accepting that my diet wasn't fitting enough for the amount of activity I've been doing lately. In my mind I was in a small deficit.
This is part of recovery I'd forgotten about. I wasn't prepared for this little bump along the way, food hadn't been a problem in the past two months and suddenly my mind is wrapped up in calories and nutritional facts. Being so aware of what you are consuming daily isn't always ideal.
One thing is to suffer from tiredness from your day to day activities, another is to feel fatigued hours after waking up. I was so tired most of the time that the only answer for me would be to take a nap. I wouldn't concentrate on anything else and my apetite wasn't indicating me anything, I wasn't hungry.
And one day you eat properly and everything clicks, your body isn't as heavy as before, you mind isn't as fussy. Maybe your problem isn't that you forgot to take your vitamins that morning or that your period was a week ago, maybe it was that you body wasn't fuelled enough.
This is a hard step, it's all about listening to your body and what it needs, if it needs more fuel, less of certain foods or if you are going on the right track. It takes time and a lot of effort, but the more you do it, the more you are going to show your body how much you care.
You eat to live not live to eat and food should never be seen as an enemy.

... it's hard to acknowledge that it's time to move on, that you aren't in front of the same person you were about 3 years ago, and probably you aren't the same person either.
You'll try, if you care enough you'll do it not only for you, but because deep inside you know that you still care about that other person, because no matter how bad the situation was, because no matter how things are going to end, old friendships always make you care more about others.
Sometimes it isn't about errors or mistakes, sometimes life leads you to different places, each one of us choosing different routes, each one of us choosing different paths and those decisions are the ones drifting us apart, making the differences seem bigger and bigger.
And then the question is, how do you talk about it? how are you sure that there's nothing else in there for you or the other person? how do you avoid hurting the other person's feelings?
You can always sit down and wait around until you see the lasts bits of you friendship drain away, not do anything, even avoid the subject, watching how each time that you see each other there's going to be less to talk about, you are going to have less in common.
Then at some point the calls are going to stop, that person is going to move on or you are going to move on, finding someone with who you seem to have a lot more in common and that place is going to be filled with someone else.
It's hard to let someone go and it's even harder to see someone go away but sometimes it's all you've got left to do and once you do it there's no going back, because once you leave someone's life, unless the other person is okay with it, there's no way you can get back to it.
I rambled a lot, my mind was in a bad place when I was writing this but the pain is there. Seeing one of my close friends go is hard, mostly when you have gone through pretty rough things together, but it's time, for our own good at least, to continue out different ways and maybe someday, somewhere we will reunite and life will be better for both of us.
You can't hold someone down, but you can help them fly away even if that hurts you.

Believe it or not, I always try to keep my emotions under control, I don't like to cry in public, I don't like to show anger, I like to laugh, be free and show my best side in front of everyone, maybe it's a way of protecting myself, maybe it's a way of hiding who I am. I truly don't know.
Over the years I managed to successfully hide whatever was going on in my life, every seemed perfect from the outside. The family, the city, the apartment, everything was how it was supposed to be, no one would have ever believed that deep inside there were more problems than you can probably imagine.
This went on for years, I was the perfect kid, until one day I wasn't, something inside me clicked and I realised that life wasn't as perfect as I first thought, life was way more complicated and way more hard to go by as you grew older.
I've learned that it's stupid to try and keep your feelings for yourself, sooner than later you are going to crack either from pressure or just because you had enough and it is in those moments in which you are going to realise who really are there for you and who just liked the way your life looked.
It's hard to take off the mask and break the pattern, most of the times it takes multiples attempts to take it off completely and once you do it everything seems more terrifying, more dangerous, because you feel like there's nothing else to protect you, that's when you are truly against the world.
You are going to get hurt, lose friendships, cry, get angry and feel like none of this is truly worthy until that time when life gives you back and everything will feel brighter, more colorful, more vivid, those are the moments that remind you that all of this, all of the things you went through are worthy.
Everytime you let your emotions shine through you realise that maybe you had to learn that lesson to keep going, that maybe that friendship wasn't meant to last or that love is one of the purest feelings you could ever feel in this world.
Life gives and takes, it's up to you to decide whether you want to treasure those moments, learn from them or hide, not feel a thing.

Taking care of yourself is maybe one of the hardest tasks there has ever been, it's even harder than taking care of your puppy as it's growing up. Why? Because we think that one cold is nothing, because we say "it's not that bad, I can handle it", when in reality your body is crying for help, telling you to stop once in for all.
We grow up believing that in order to get into a place of success and recognition we should always burn ourselves out to the point in which a cup of coffee isn't enough, in which sleep is something you get every three weeks and holiday is almost a foreign word.
Every day you wake up, plan your day, put a smile on your face and go out into the inclement world, a world that most have said to be brutal to those who are too soft or too weak, you fight for years and years, forgetting meals and anniversaries, spending more time in a cubicle or in front of a screen than you do with your loved ones.
It shouldn't have to be like that, not anymore. Spending time by yourself with yourself, being present in the moment must be a priority, something you must do everyday even if it's just for 5 minutes, because in those five minutes you are going to be able to connect back with who you are, be yourself and forget about everything else. This is the kind of thing that keep you sane.
You shouldn't have to wait until you have to run to the emergency room to take care of yourself and in reality when you see it as an outsider, we spend so much time doing other things, things that don't matter instead of taking care of ourselves which takes little time from our day to day life.
You don't need an overly complicated routine, all you need to do is what feels right for you and your body. I spend 10 minutes every night doing what has worked for me, not more, not less and I've seen more results staying consistent that in having an overly complicated routine.
You get one body, one soul, one brain and you should take care of them, they are the ones that keep you moving. So from now on, eat healthy as much as you can, squeeze a bit of physical activity at least three times a week and spend 5 or 10 minutes by yourself everyday. If you don't care and love what you have now, no one is going to do it later.

I've never been one to face anything by myself, and if you know me you may be shaking your head and thinking that's crazy because it seems like I do it all the time when I disagree with something, but most of the times I'm looking for an argument based on knowledge, not feelings or disagreements.
The thought of hurting someone with words makes me feel quite uncomfortable and the times I've done it have never been on purpose and I'll instantly regret it, but there are times in which you've got to talk about that one thing that has been bothering you to continue.
There isn't an easy way to confront someone and it shouldn't because if you are there in the first place it's because something wrong has been going on in that relationship and even when you can ignore it, you'll feel like you are walking on eggshells around that person, not knowing exactly what to say or what to ignore.
But what happens when the person is really important to you? Should you just not pay attention just because you care about their well-being? Should you just forget that something happen? Even if it's wounding you?
As I said, there's no easy way of facing any of this but at the end it's something you should always talk about not only for you and your feelings, you should also think about the other person, maybe they think it's right to do the thing they did to get you there, maybe they don't realise they are hurting others with their actions.
It's hard to face a situation like this, I wish I could tell you that everything is going to go alright, that after you say something everything is going to fall into place, but I can't. Unfortunately life is not like that and you can get quite disappointed from people you thought cared about you, but take it as a lesson and move on, don't grieve for someone that doesn't realise what they lost.
At the end of the day confronting someone isn't about arguing, isn't about complaining. It's about trying to get your point across, to stand up and say you are not right with everything that's going on. If they care, they'll listen and talk with you.

As you know, I've just started in an old/new job, I went back to summer course, but unlike last year, this time I've spent a fair amount of time taking care of myself, which means I've started to work out a bit more, I (sometimes) take care of my eating habits and I overall feel happier and more like myself.
And ever since I came back I've been getting comments talking about my physical appearance, and I've been trying to brush them off, for many reasons, but one of the most important ones is that when I started being more active and started taking more care of myself, I did it because of myself, because I wanted to do it for me.
So everytime someone talks about it, I just smile and nod, not because I'm rude, I just don't want to turn all their attention into that. I'm still not 100% happy with the way I look, there are some days when nothing seems to fit right or I feel bloated and not quite as comfortable with my image.
But the other day one of the secretaries that work in a different floor called me to pick up something, it was the end of the day, I was tired, sweaty and dreading more stairs, so I made a comment about me being incredibly tired and not in the mood to go up more stairs and she told me "Well, you should do more, or do you do some exercise when you get home?"
My mind flipped, a part of me was pissed, another part started feeling sorry for myself, but at the end I told her that I did do something once I got home, but when I tried to explain her the only thing she did was turn it around and kind of make fun of it.
So I just walked away not wanting to hear anything else or make more of it, but a part of me felt really sorry for them, I didn't take it personally, that would only break me and it's not worthy. But my point is that you can't go around making assumptions about people, just because they are larger it doesn't mean they don't work out.
And this goes for everything, it's in our nature to make assumptions about everything, but next time you do it, think twice, because you never know what that person may be going through or how that comment may affect them.

Through this past four months I've been talking about being in a "funk", not feeling like doing anything and just avoiding everything that had to do with doing something either out of my comfort zone or that was going to make me work harder than I am today.
Through those four months my workload increased not because I was having more work, actually there were two months in which it decreased, but because I was putting it off. There was nothing that would pull me out of bed to do anything other than reading, let alone working.
And it wasn't because I was feeling depressed or was struggling with my anxiety. I was using my ability to find excuses to the max, there wasn't a situation I couldn't use to not do something I was supposed to do.
In normal situations I would blame on motivation, because that's what everyone does, but once you really stop and think about it, motivation is not what's really stopping you. What is really stopping you is the lack of discipline and the lack of perseverance.
Think about it, how many times have you stopped doing something because of... (insert excuse here), it can be anything from the more realistic like the lack of time which can be easily fixed once you start getting more organized, to the really obnoxious like the fact that your series will be airing that night and you have to watch it.
It's really eye opening and although it's almost impossible to do something right away, you'll start noticing little things like how many YT videos you watch to procrastinate your next task or simply how much time you lose doing unimportant things that will not benefit you in the long term.
My biggest advice is to stop justifying the actions that don't benefit you, such as not finishing that paper because you felt tired, or not sending that essay because you stopped to watch a video as a reward for your hard work. There are a million and one examples, but today for a change do what you have to do.
Remember that the faster you start the task, the faster you'll rest and the more accomplished you'll feel.

My life went from being amazingly stressful and almost painful, to amazingly relaxed and more balanced all in the course of one week, luckily for my friends and family everything went back to normal quite quickly and my mood swung back to be cheery and sometimes sarcastic.
People don't realise how much pressure you are put under as soon as exam week nears, your world revolves around exams, projects, deadlines and facts about subjects you are going to forget in the next couple of days, but in those days they are as important as breathing or eating.
My anxiety started to reach new levels as the days passed by, and even my caffeine intake increased, but as the last and most important exam of the semester approached, my confidence levels reached a new level as everyone had to hold me hanging in there, reassuring me that not only was english a strong subject for me, but also reminding me to give myself a bit more credit.
The first results made my way and a part of me was disappointed, a 43 out of 50 is not a low score, but for me, at that moment, it felt like suddenly all of my effort was not good enough. The comparisons began as soon as people told me about their 48 and how good it felt.
My mood was out of control, my mind was rummaging over my different options if the results didn't favorice me, but as time moved on, realisation started to settle in, there wasn't any more time for anything else, this exam was my ride or die before the summer started.
"Chef" was called to be the victim to accompany me to see the results, after two days of exams and brain exhaustion my mind was ready to either fly or crash, everything was surviving under a fragile balance and those results were only going to make me either really happy or point to the wrong direction.
Luckily for me and everyone around me I passed, it was the last recognition needed for me in that subject, now I have my eyes set in other goals, but as always, we will see how any of those go. For now I just have to keep on dreaming.

I'm ready, I feel like I'm ready because I'm scared, every time I get those butterflies in my tummy I know I'm ready, will it work out? I have no idea, the only thing I'm sure about is wanting to do this.
After working hard in June, after leaving everything in those 21 days I can say I'm ready to sit down, work on those projects I've been meaning to work on, to go out, meet new people, forget about my phone, read more, let the air fill my lungs and be free, at least for one day.
My plans are still there, I will never forget about them, but now instead of merely working in them I want to go out, explore more, expand my vision, smile and laugh like I haven't in months, take pictures, spend time with my friends and family, just be myself.
I won't promise anything, I'm tired of breaking promises, and I really don't know what I want to achieve, all I know is that I want to be free, to let my emotions show through and to be able to relax, be more patient, not so controlling and stress free.
I have an idea of where all of this came through, and a part of me thinks all of this started to build up months ago but I never paid attention to it until now. It was one sleepless night, one of many I'd been having over those months, I remember feeling defeated, tired, restless and lost.
Stress started to eat me over, everything revolved about a goal, everything revolved about me being able to do that one thing everyone was expecting me to do, that's why I couldn't get out of that funk, that's why everything took longer and was not at the level I wanted it to be.
My body is relaxation mode, I'm enjoying the time I've got to do nothing, work on little projects were I know my heart is, put y life in order, prepare for the summer, go out, even laugh. Everything will find its way as long as you work on it, and that's what I'm doing.
Whenever you start feeling flustered remember to take one day at the time, breathe, forget about the pressure and just move on from there, it will get better, just remember to keep on dreaming.

Last week I was checking my agenda and "The Brain" (my trusty notebook that has ideas, calendars, projects and a little bit of everything in there) when I came across multiple pages that were incomplete and not in "Oh I missed a few days", but in "Oh I stopped doing halfway through the first week and didn't bothered to look back".
A little voice started to tell me how unorganized I was becoming and a part of me also agreed with that voice because to be completely honest, I indeed have been slacking in the past two months or so, but as my life continued to go the same way and nothing major happened for me to notice, I just worked around the edges.
A part of me knows that all of this has been as a result of a few tweaks I've been making in certain aspects of my life, like my social life which has been increasing a lot lately or the time with my family which has also been increased as the year goes by.
I kind of neglected my work, school and instead of giving that little bit more, I've been doing just enough for me to have certain grades, for the blog to continue operating the way I like it, or I've been cheating my way around work, avoiding certain commitments I know take a lot more out of me than others and it all has been reflecting.
It may not seem like that from the outside mostly because everything looks as neat and as put together as before, it's my insides the ones that are messed up and those take a lot longer to put together.
This has affected different parts of my life, the ones I should care a little bit more. I haven't been prioritizing enough, I haven't been dedicating enough time to certain tasks as I should, I haven't been 100% myself in everything because I found myself feeling either bored or lazy to not do those things.
Now, it's time to practice some self-discipline, prioritize and really give all I've got in every project. I know it's going to take a lot of time and for the rest of the summer I will have to balance a lot more, but that's life, isn't? It's about taking opportunities, giving your best and not caring about what the world may say.
I'm going back to basics.

A lot of things have happened in the past month or so, some I have touched on, some have stayed in the dark not only for you, but for my friends and family. So, instead of letting bad things and regrets take over my mood I've been trying to cleanse my mind and my system thinking about other things, mostly to move forward.
Change was something I was really afraid of, because in the past those changes hurt a part of me and although process had been made, a part of me was still afraid of what might happen if I were to let anything slip and slide out of my control.
But now I'm starting to embrace those changes, even the big ones, like the schedule change I had almost at the end of the semester, or the fact that now I'm letting my hair be all curly and wild instead of trying to tame it. I'm not as afraid anymore, although I still get a little bit stressed when they happen.
I'm even more open to meeting new people, talking with old friends I haven't spoken in a long time. I feel more comfortable with myself, with who I am, with my body and the way I look and even when I know there's a long way to go for me, I'm no longer scared of it.
A bunch of my friends have told me that I look happier, I look more confident and I never really paid attention until I started to get more looks, more smiles. It was like I was living under a rock before this and now I've been awaken and everything is brighter, more colorful and I'm no longer alone.
It takes time, a lot of it, it takes a lot of learning to love yourself, to see what makes you happy and even knowing who you are, but once you start there's no going back. Some days may feel like you aren't moving, like you are static, embrace those days, relax, maybe you are starting to put a lot of pressure on yourself.
Laugh, dance, sing, cry, scream, do whatever you feel like doing, but don't let anything stop you.
I finally feel like I'm ready for something new. I'm finally starting to move forward and it feels so damn right. I'm well aware that there may be some bad days, but as soon as I keep doing my thing and I don't let anything stop me, I shall be okay.

Ever since I started writing this blog I had one goal, one main thing I wanted to accomplish, I wanted to leave my past behind me, not live through it, learn from the mistakes and move on, but  I quickly learned that it's not as easy as it seems.
When you go through bad experiences it's easy to stay with them, to live your life through them, living with the fear that if you ever dare to do something out of the lines that you draw, it's going to happen again and again, you get stocked in this vicious circle where you can't let go of the pain.
You get used to feeling pain, it almost seem like something normal, something that everyone is going through, but it's not, you should never get used to the pain, to feeling like that, because even when you think you don't, you deserve to be happy as much as the rest of the world.
It takes time and a lot of work, you are not going to wake up one day feeling like everything is going to be fine, but if you really fight for it, every morning is going to get easier, every morning you are going to feel like you deserve all of this, because you do deserve all the good that comes into your life.
You are going to have to learn how to love yourself again, to believe in what you can do, to recover the strength you had, you have to remind yourself that in order to love others or to succeed you have to work inwards for it to show outwards. Everything starts inside.
It's a long process learning to love, to believe and to succeed, it's tiring and some days it's going to feel like it's not working, like you are stock somewhere in the middle not knowing where to go, but believe me when I say that all of that it's worthy, mostly because you are worthy and deserve all the good in the world.
Don't give up now, don't give up on you, believe a little bit in yourself and you'll see how good everything is, you are more than you are now. Let your light shine through.

Have you ever had those days in which you feel like nothing goes your way and if something starts to bright up, then it goes wrong?

A few weeks back I was having really bad days, I would wake up and feel terrible stressed or angry about something that wasn't even deservant of my attention, nor my hate, then I would take that anger out in people who didn't even have anything to do with the main problem. I was overreacting over everything.
Then I realised that I was the one putting bad energy out there to begin with, I was the one causing all this trouble because my attitude towards everything was awful. Let me tell you, pointing at every mistake someone has it's not going to fix the problem, explaining the base of the problem and trying to come up with a solution together is better.
The energy you put out there it's the one you are going to receive. The way you treat people it's the way you are going to be treated. Everything you do it's a reflection of you and unless you are really negative, it shouldn't be like this all the time.
We all have bad days, it comes with life and how we handle everything that's around us, not always things are going to go our way, but that doesn't mean that one, we should take out on others and two, that it's always going to be that way.
Think about all the amazing things we have in life, if you can read this, that means you have access to internet and you should value it, think of the little things we give for granted, a lot of people don't have access to many of this things.
If you are having a bad day, go to bed, take a hot shower and think what you can do to solve the problem, be grateful for what you have and then, let yourself relax, wake up and be positive, bring good things to the table and do something nice for others.
Just because you had a bad day that doesn't mean every single day it's going to be that way.

It's that time of the year again, as graduations begin to happen, friends start planning out their next step and if they knew what they wanted to do with their life since they started going to kindergarten, and then there's the rest, the part of the college population that's still trying to figure out what they want to do next.
Everyone wants to know about you, how you are going? what are your plans? if you dare to bring your couple to a family reunion you will hear about weddings and kids, you can always brush off those comments, but when you don't know what to do with your life the problem begins.
You start to question yourself about every movement you make, somehow those questions stick to your head and you even consider going to the doctor to see if that little headache you've been having for the past three days means something, just as a precaution.
But no one tells you about your options, you don't have to make a decision right away. There are so many things waiting for you out there and you can either choose something in a moment of weakness or try different things, see where it goes. You may be able to find that one job that really makes you happy.
Sometimes it's easy, you may find it in something you already do, sometimes it takes a hell of a lot more time because the thing you may think you are passionate about may not fulfill you, and that's okay. If something fails try something else, don't give up right away, answers are hidden in this most unknown places and it takes time.
Don't let anyone pressure you into becoming someone you are not, at the end of the day you are the only one that's going to be doing that for the rest of their lives and as I see it you have one of two options, you can either go, do something you love or stay, do what you are told and although you may be happy, it may not the one for you.
It goes differently for everyone, as everyone's ambitions are different, but you only get one life to do what you love.

Lately my friends and I have been talking about comfort zones, we all have them, it's quite easy to fall into a routine and not want to see what's out there, it makes us feel safe and we almost create this environment in which we feel comfortable in, and living in a bubble you get to ignore a lot of things.
For us, a common topic is people, more often than not you only get to talk with people you know and feel comfortable around, if you are in a crowd you avoid meeting the person next to you because you may either feel weird doing or feel like it's unnecessary, we want them to take the first step.
We all have been there, meeting new people is hard, we all get nervous, but once you break the ice that first time it's quite easy to keep going if the relationship (either friendship or something else) it's meant to be, you either instantly click or you don't, there are no inbetweens. When you click with someone, you can feel it, the conversation flows without pressure, the nervousness goes quite quickly and all that's left is a nice talk.
Of course you are not going to be able to have that connexion with every single person, but you never know until you bite that bullet and realise that although it's hard, it's also worthy, you can really get to meet amazing people in the craziest situations and you won't regret it.
I'm writing this to myself and to everyone out there that's scared of meeting new people, one thing I've learn in this past few days is that even when it's hard, it will always be worthy talking with that person you feel curious about, you may get to know your soulmate, a crush or even a good friend that will stay with you forever, you'll never know until you do it.