I've been working in a new project this summer, but I needed help from others, a lot of people said yes, I was going to be around the city with them, working and enjoying the making of this project, but then, there was this one day when we got clear blue skies, amazing sun, amazing weather that I couldn't say no, so I ventured myself outside.
I didn't said anything to anyone, I went by myself to a new place with nothing but my determination to get what I wanted, on my way there the only thing rounding my mind was how beautiful the day was and how much I loved some songs on my playlists.
I spent the whole day doing something I love, doing new things, going to new places but most importantly, enjoying my "me" time, I was not worried about texts, e-mails or calls, I was another person in this planet doing my thing.
On my way I realised that I had an amazing day by myself, I wasn't feeling anxious or uncomfortable, I was actually fine, I was happy and glad I did it that way, my way.
When I first discovered I had anxiety, my world turned around, I didn't knew what to do, where to go, who to talk to, I was lost in what everyone was saying, for me the only answer was to isolate myself, I went from being a really sociable person to one that hated being near other people, I became this really closed person that was afraid to leave the house and every time I had to do, I would panic.
Going from open to closed made a huge damage, I was feeling lonely, I felt like no one cared, like no one understood what I was going through, something that really didn't helped once I got into college.
When I started going to therapy, I realised how much talking helped me, there were a lot of things I was carrying and those were making me feel even worse, all of this slowly transitioned to writing, both of which became like therapy to me.
It wasn't until I was able to do simple things by myself that I realised how much I had healed, I was not the shy girl anymore, I had a little bit more of confidence and I wasn't feeling as uncomfortable when going out as I used to.
This not only allowed me to value more my "me" time, but to value the time I get to spend with family and friends, before I used to cancel or just not go to reunions out of fear of something happening, now I can proudly say that I can connect more with my friends and family, I talk with them, I don't feel scared or anxious when someone hugs me.
I'm learning to enjoy the time I have for myself but also the time I have with others, it has been a bumpy road and I'm not even close to the finish line, but one thing I'm sure about is how far I've come to go back, don't give up, maybe the road may seem to bumpy but at the end it's all worthy.