VII


"Now, you have to promise me something"
His voice went down, his tone serious. It was obvious that he was scared of what may happen or even my reaction, I knew he hadn't kill anyone, but it was obvious that whatever he was about to tell me made him uncomfortable.
"Whatever you want"
"Nothing that I tell you tonight can leave this room"
"Don't worry about that, you know I'm not one to judge, I can't"
"I don't know where to start"
"What's up with Dawn? She looks like she's into you."
"Well.."
...3 years earlier...
"Maybe we should end this"
"What?"
"I don't see this working any more Dawn" I knew the tears where coming, I hated to see her cry "It's about me, I need to focus, be more myself"
"Is it because of her? Did she break you that much?" 
I wanted to lie, I wanted to tell her that the Jake that she'd known for 16 years was still there, but truth be told, I wasn't the same. Deanna broke me and burnt the pieces. There's nothing else in there. 
"It's not because of her" I knew my voice sounded harsher than I anticipated "If you could only let her go..."
"How? How am I supposed to let go the girl that changed you this much when even you are not over her?"
"Stop it Dawn" I could feel the pressure building inside me. 
"Stop what? There's nothing left here Jake. You were right, you destroy everything you touch"

Present
"So you broke her heart and then came back for the pieces?"
"I did"
"And how did we got here? I mean she looks like she's really into you right now"
"This is where your whole impression of me could change"
"What did you do Jake?"
"Remember last summer when I told you that I was dating someone?"
"Oh when you called me a prude? I do"
...1 year earlier...
"Can I stay the night?"
"I assumed you would, you know my parents love it when you stay here"
"Let me call my mum to let her know"
As she got up from the bed I got a twinge of guilt, I knew all of this was wrong, she shouldn't be here and I shouldn't have slept with her. I should be with someone else...
"All set but I'm going to have to leave quite early"
"Don't worry, I'll wake you up so you can have enough time to get ready"
"Can I ask you something?" 
Her voice sounded different, there was a hint of something I couldn't recognise, sitting myself up to look at her I saw pain, just like the day we broke it off. Not trusting myself enough to say anything I nodded.
"Why do you keep doing this? It's been three years since she left you..."
"Dawn, are you sure you want to do this now?" I said interrupting her, she was stepping in dangerous territory. 
"I need to know Jake, we've been here for quite a while and if you are only using me, I need to know"
"You know what we are, it works for us. We can't be anything else and you know why."
Present
"So you broke her heart and then used her to forget about your ex?"
"Here's the thing, you make me sound like a jerk..."
"Because you are, you used the love that she had for you"
"She knew I was still getting over Deanna, I told her that there was no way I could get involved with her other than a physical relationship and she accepted."
"Of course she accepted, you idiot, she thinks that she can fix you"
"Oh" 
This was one of those times men amused me the most, their inability to see what's in front of them was beyond my comprehension.
"You don't seen it?"
"See what? She knows what we are, it works for us"
He got of from the couch, maybe I was going to far with all of this, maybe I was pushing him too hard, but I never expected it to be like, he never came of like a douche.
"Are you okay?" I asked as I saw his attention drift away.
"You know who I was supposed to be with the day I was with Dawn?"
"Deanna?"
"No, Sophie..."

Mayte B Marcial

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