August was really different compared to other months, I had a lot going on from beginning to end, so much that I hardly posted anything here and the things I indeed put up were not my best work and I still resent that, I hate putting things up and not feeling happy with them, if you are really putting the effort to read it, I should put my effort to write it.
I blame it on the circumstances when I know it was my fault, time management hasn't been my forte this summer and beginning of semester, I've been all over the place trying to figure out what the hell do I want to do next, I'm adjusting to college life again and it's been hard.
As you know I worked in a Summer Course for a month and a half, it was my dream job, I was an administrative assistant and I had full on contact with teachers and kids. It involved many of my favourite things, from organisation, to play, to kids, to even sports, it was a fun job but also a really consuming one, I lost almost all my day in there, even when it was a 9 to 3 job, but I'm not complaining or making excuses, as I said, at the end it was my fault, my lack of time management left me with no time for anything.
Then, before I knew it the summer was ending and with that I knew that I was going to have to say goodbye to a wonderful family that received me with open arms, helped me and supported me through the whole process, the thing was that I hate saying goodbye, I don't know how to do it, when to do it or even how not to make the other person feel miserable, because a part of me knew that this goodbye may be a definitive one, I don't know if I'm ever coming back, so I built a wall around me, I didn't let anyone in, I started to close in my little nutshell and people started to think that I was being rude, when in reality I didn't wanted to hurt anyone nor myself.
Then the last day, I did what I always do, I ran away, I said goodbye to a handful of people and left the building with nothing but pain on my chest and a bit of regret, I know that what I did was terribly wrong, believe me I know, but a part of me also knows that it was for the best, I didn't wanted to upset anyone and I also didn't wanted to make promises that I couldn't keep, such as promising to come back next year.
With that out of my life, I knew I need to figure out what was going to be my next step, I knew I had to go back to school, but was I going to join a sports team, or even hit the gym? was I going to make any changes in m life?
Unfortunately, I only had one weekend before school started for me, I had to sit down and think quick, there was no way I was going to miss school, but a part of me justa wanted to sit down and feel sorry for myself, so I did what I always do in this cases, I took days to let my mind rest, I didn't di anything major, I didn't even stick to a routine and let me tell you how big of a mess my life was at the end of those few days.
What made it a bit worst was the fact that I didn't even had a friend to complain to, "Chef" was in Europe, "Stranger" was "busy" (Which is his code for "new girl"), "Editor" had it's own battles and I didn't wanted to confuse him more and the list goes on and on, so the last weekend of the month I just exploded, I was an angry and sensitive person that would explode at anyone for anything, luckily everyone came back to normal that weekend and I took all my pain out with them.
And that's where I am right now, I'm still figuring out what to do and how to do it, it's been a whole process but I think I'm finally coming to terms with that, I know I really want to do a lot of things, it's just that I haven't been 100% into anything that weren't the summer course or sleeping.
It was a good month, filled with lessons and good people around me, the ones that worry me a bit are my parents, they put a lot of pressure in themselves, now I'm the one that worries about them, but as with everything, I know everything will fall eventually into place.
Hope you had an amazing month and remember to keep on dreaming.