Art In My Life


I'm a good artist but I still consider myself an amateur, people have always pushed me to do it, everyone that sees what I'm painting tells me that I'm good, but I don't think that it's true, not yet.
Everything started with my dad, he is a frustrated artist, I used to watch his drawings and paintings and asked to myself how was he able to do it, at that time I didn't knew what drawing or art meant, I only watched him paint, that's when he told me that you only needed to imagine something and put it on paper and it sounded really easy, but it wasn't.
It took me years to be able to do it, because it takes a lot of hard work to get to do it, one day I decided to practice, I started copying the drawings that I liked from him and made them as similar as possible.
With time I started to search new techniques to make better drawings and be faster than him. I remember that I used to look for geometric figures on everything. From there I was the kid that knew how to draw and the one being asked to help others with their drawings for free, I was ten, I remember having a competition with one of friends, I won, we had to draw a centaur, the one that I did was better and I finished first.
I really love reading and I used to draw what I imagined was going on in the book, it has been a long time since I've done it, I never had a place to draw, I just did them and either threw them away or lost them. I also started modelling clay, I made little figures, something I haven't done in a while and that I need classes.
Later I realized that my drawings where only of women and up to date I think that I can draw better women than men, that's when I met him, it was an accident, I remember that I was at that park, sad for other reasons, that guy passed by, saw me crying and told me that life was too short to cry and my first though was that what he said was a song, but he made me laugh and he was happy with that. After a few hours of talking with him, I told him what I did, he told me it was good that he did the same but with his feet.
A couple of months later he gave this little notebook, it had a lot of pages, with a drawing of girl thinking and a wooden cover, he told me "You can do whatever you want with it, write, draw if you want too but don't show it to anyone until it's finished" the truth is that I missed a few pages before showing it to someone, I guess I didn't kept that promise, but it wasn't my fault, that person really pushed me, when I showed him, he kept it. That person bought me another one but I didn't finished it, we just broke up.
I was 15 when I got the first the first notebook, it would be interesting to see it again, to see what I used to draw at the time and how far I've come, to remember myself.
That's when I bought my first notebook, I still have it, it's filled of drawings of myself and I even write on it, as I wasn't really good with water colours, I bought some and started experimenting with them, I make weird but really pretty drawings, some of them are like dreams, I never do them like myself, I try to make other people but again, mostly women.
I remember going to the "Vasconcelos" library, It's my favourite library, I went into the the art section and took pictures of the books, I tried to copy them, but I couldn't, it was more difficult.
Everyone in school always asks me why I don't study art, I'm going to stud art but I just don't know where or when. There's something stopping me, I don't know what it is but I don't feel motivated. (…)

Now that you have to choose between medicine and any other degree, if you had the opportunity, would you study art?
I would choose art, I think, but I'm worried of what I'm going to with that degree, I also like the idea of being with people and helping them.
I've been interested in Medicine since I was 10 years old, I have an uncle, he once showed me a work he made about fungus and how they can influence the decomposition of bodies, he explained me everything and I liked it, later he started to guide me, telling me where he studied. He influenced me a lot too, one birthday he got me a book with a note that said that I was a really creative kid and to keep filling my mind with dreams.
When I had to choose what high school I wanted to go to, I searched the university he went and what I needed to get in there, but it wasn't possible to go where I wanted to go.
At the time I tried to convince myself that maybe medicine wasn't for me, maybe I could study another degree, I was about to do it, after thinking about it, I discovered that I let others take my decisions, my parents, even my ex boyfriend. When I had to choose my degree I was told that it was too difficult to get in, that I was not going to get it, my parents told me to be a nurse instead and I put it, but as a last option. Going into the exam, I thought that they were right, what if I didn't got into any of my options.
I was not exited when I got the results, now I've been studying a degree that I have fought to like but at the end of the day, it's not my dream
When did you said that enough was enough?
When I broke up with my boyfriend of four years, it was the "Enough is enough" of my life, we had a lot of problems, he started to control me, it was like everything was on pause. When we broke up I said "Enough, I want to be a doctor, I want to keep drawing, I want to go out and I don't want anyone telling me what to do".
If I could go back, I would have choose other options, I wouldn't have let anyone else take my decisions. All of those experiences have formed me, to know what I want and what I don't like, I know where I want to get and people that will support me.
"They tried to change me, but at the end of the day I'm going to the same place"

Jimena.

Mayte B Marcial

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