A few months back I made a promise to my friends where I was going to be man-free for the duration of the semester, mostly because I knew how hard this period was going to be not only school wise but everything in my life was going to be more crazy than usual, I also wanted to prove myself that I didn't needed anyone telling me how gorgeous I looked to feel like that, I wanted to love myself first.
All of this started because talking to a lot of my old time friends I discovered that I have felt more secure when I'm with a man and I'm not talking about finances or going out type or security, I mean it in a self esteem way, that lead me to having more men in my life that I can really accept but also not really compromising with any of them.
Everything was going great and even though I had ups and downs through this time I was feeling okay with me, that was until two of my high school loves came back to my life and I realised how much I liked them, mostly one of them and I started taking more time to get ready or even eating better than my usual.
Then a few days ago I realised how happy and beautiful I felt without him having to tell me that and it felt good, it's true that I was being a little bit more careful and healthy with him in my life, but it's also true that during this months man-free I was also feeling great and having a healthy-ish life-style.
Where I'm going with this is that we don't realise how much others opinions matter to us until you have a life without them, it's true that having them every once in a while is nice, but there's a difference between that and depending on them.
Putting yourself in first place and doing things for you and not to like others really changes your life, I'll go back to what I said before, go with that person that loves you even in your worst days, that way you know how real and worthy is.
I know that I still want to change a lot of things of my body but I think I'm going the right direction this time, I'm doing all of them because of me and for myself, you don't need anyone else critising your looks, as long as you feel beautiful and you are healthy, it doesn't matter. The only thing that really matters is yourself and the way you feel in your own skin.
Mayte.
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