Last week I wrote a post about bad days, while writing it, I was sobbing, I felt lost and broken, something inside me didn't felt right, I could feel a weight on my chest, I wouldn't sleep well, I wouldn't eat well, I lived those days and didn't even noticed them.
My mind was in this state of pure misery and there was a point where I was starting to give up, I was tired and hopeless and to make it worst, I had to face a really nasty family emergency that lasted all weekend and it involved a lot of stress and anxiety, to the point where I was considering telling my mum that I couldn't do it, my heart was beating to fast, my chest ached, I was not okay.
Monday of that week was hell, my mind was not in anything that I was doing, I was really sleepy, I had no strength to face any problems, so when a confrontation came I broke down, I started crying like a little kid, I was so vulnerable that anything would hurt me.
The worst part was that my birthday was coming up that wednesday and I didn't wanted it to happen, I didn't wanted to spend another birthday crying, I wanted to be in peace and enjoy it my way.
When Wednesday came around I made myself a promise, I wasn't going to plan anything, I would do what I felt like doing, that day, I felt like eating something nice and reading a book while sipping a Chai latte, I turned my phone off for the morning, and I found my flow, by lunchtime I was a lot more calmer.
I actually had an amazing birthday with messages from my loved ones and the company of my parents, which I learned to value a lot more, I did everything I wanted to do, I didn't wanted a big party, I wanted to relax, do something nice and be in peace.
I learned that sometimes things happen and you can't control them, but it's up to you the way you manage them, it's way easier to fall and not get up, but it takes a true fighter to get up and keep fighting against anything that comes your way, it'll take a lot of work to get there, but it's worthy, there will always be calm after the storm and it's worth waiting for it.