Last year I was in a really bad place mentally, I wasn't paying attention to what my mind and body were telling me, I became this insecure person that would hide from everyone, I isolated myself so much to the point in which the only people I would talk to would be old friends and maybe some family members.

I knew where all of this was coming from, all of this came from the pain I was carrying. Throughout the year I went to three funerals and didn't allow myself to mourn or cry the loss, because I had to be the big girl in this situations, be the rock for everyone around so I kept it inside.

Little by little I began to break down my character, I wasn't the same happy woman I used to be, I became fearful and insecure, I became all of those things I once swore I would never be again. All of my ghosts came back to hunt me. There wasn't a day I wouldn't think about how much of a failure I was becoming.

My anxiety became a part of me again, it wasn't an illness I had, it became who I was. It would control my day to day life, there was no escaping to that. It drained the energy and life out of me. 

I didn't really understand what I was going through until July with the big panic attack. It was the universe's way to tell me that feeling like that isn't normal, that anxiety and stress shouldn't control my life. I became aware once again of how I was feeling, of how much wrong I had been doing to my mind and my body. 

For anyone that has ever dealt with an eating disorder, you may understand, relapsing without even noticing is disheartening to say the least, it made me feel like the biggest failure. I was destroying my body because of the stress other people where putting on myself. 

Then there was the anger factor, I couldn't believe how much anger came out of me once I started talking. I kept everything for myself for so long that mourn and sadness became anger. I came to the point in which I wasn't just upset, I was ready to give up on everyone and go on by myself. 

Over the past three months I've been working a lot on myself, paying attention to what my body has to say about me and most importantly, focusing on being happy. Making myself a priority is the best decision I could've ever made. 

Mayte.