I don't know how to use my voice anymore, I've been writing about so many other things lately that I don't know how to do this anymore. So much has happened that I don't even know how to explain it, but I guess I have to start somewhere, right?
It's been three months since my last panic attack, I've been working a lot on trying to get my anxiety back into a safe place, where I know how to react, what to do. It has taken a lot of time to get to where I am now, I'm able to sleep 8 hours without waking up worried or shaky, I'm able to go out again without fear. I didn't realise how bad it was until I started to get better.
Fitness wise, I faced an stomp. If you know why I workout so regularly, you may also know what happens when I take a break, I get anxious. This month I've been making a conscious effort to get up, do more, move more and diversify my workouts, it's been making it better and I've been feeling more like myself.
Those two factors are the ones that have been the most consistent in my life lately, everything else seems to be either working a few days or not working at all. It's almost like I can't figure out a paste in which I can get things done but at the same time don't burn myself out.
Maybe I'm asking too much, maybe it's impossible but that isn't stopping me from trying. I know there will come a time in which balance is going to be there and I will no longer complain about life and how rubbish it is, or maybe it won't and I just be there talking about this for the rest of my life.
This month made me see that there's only one way to do everything and that's the right way, there's nothing else. And if I ever want to get to that place I'm going to have to commit, accept the mistakes I make along the way while enjoying the ride. It's part of achieving that balance I crave so much, I need to learn that not because one day goes wrong everything is going to go wrong.
As you can see there has been a long learning this month, I've figured a lot out, I've learned a lot about myself and I've discovered what are those that can trigger or calm me down. It's amazing to learn more and more about a silent illness and about myself.
Now, I'm in an even better place that I was about a month ago, it's taken a lot more time than I wish it had but I'm glad to see where I am now. For now, I'll keep on writing, sharing and sorting my life out. Hope you had a great month, if you didn't remember there's much more out there, it'll get better, you just have to remember to keep on dreaming.