I'm not ready, I don't even know where I am standing right now. So much happened in the past three days that I don't even know where to start, what to say, or even, how to feel.
No one expect this kind of news, no one expects the pain that accompanies this kind of news because even when we know that death is natural, no one expects it, no one knows when it's going to happen, if you are going to suffer, if it's going to last long.
I've lost important people in my life, but somehow it wasn't something that stuck with me, maybe I was too young, maybe I wasn't prepared for it. All I know is that this time the pain feels different, everything I do mushes together and I can't remember it. The world is still spinning but I'm going in slow motion, missing pieces, feeling lost.
I don't know where to go from here, all I know it's that I'm going to hurt for a while, at least until I can get used to the idea of her not being here anymore. Tears will accompany the pain, they are the only ones that are going to help me heal and move on.
And I know that I'm not the only one going through pain, I'm not the only one feeling like this because there's the people that were closer to her, people that saw her more than me in the past years.
Not everything is going to make sense in the next few days, but I somehow have to make an effort, a real one to come to terms with it, there's so much to do, so many plans, an exam to pass, a job to land and a life to live.
The hardest thing right now is trying to find the energy to do all of those things. But I know that sometime soon I'll get through this and make her and many others proud, I just have to be strong and patient at the same time.
Thank you for bearing with me, this past year has been really tough, everytime I think I'm coming out of something, something else strikes, but I'll get through this, I know I will.