After my exam my main focus was Summer Course and it was all I could talk about, I was so excited to go back to hard work, time with teammates and just enjoying the day by day there, because unlike what everyone thinks I do love working with kids and adults that are big kids.
Seeing it now I feel like I rush a little bit into it, I could've waited a couple more days to get into the craziness but at the end I don't regret going back into that office, seeing old friends and preparing myself mentally and physically for what was to come, which to be honest, I never expected it to be that crazy.
The last two meetings were the reaffirmation of what was to come, I knew that there were going to be a lot more kids and a lot more responsibility but it never crossed my mind that the day before the first day we were going to be running around like headless chickens or that I was going to be having lunch with my two bosses because I couldn't go home because we had that much work left to do.
The first few days were crazy, I have never been that tired and that stressed (As a side point I want to point out that at this point I didn't know that I wasn't in my best mental state, I was neglecting my mental health so much that I wouldn't even pay attention to those little signs that my anxiety was sending me), but I was happy too, this, after all, was my dream job.
And as days continuing to pass and work started to settle down I became more and more aware of the little things that were bothering me and the little voice inside my head telling me that I wasn't good enough, that there was no way I was going to be able to pull this off, so imagine my face when they told that for the next three weeks I was going to be by myself.
My co-worker was going to work with one of the groups and I knew that was what she wanted all the way so I wasn't going to be the one stopping her, she deserved it and I knew deep inside me that I could do it, I just needed to focus and don't let anyone tell me that I couldn't.
Everything started going fine, a part of me was prepared to work, to do what I was hired to do, but another part was still terrified that some day I was going to show up and they were going to tell me "Thank you but this is not working for neither us or you".
And for the first two weeks I got this feeling of anxiety and failure everytime something went wrong, because even when it may not have been my fault, there's always something I could have done to fix it, until the camp rolled around, but that's for another time.