It's a common saying that without bad we wouldn't value good as much, whether that's right or not in March I got a taste from both of them and I can tell you that from there my vision of life started to change a little bit. This isn't going to be a good memory but I really want to share it with you, maybe you can learn from my mistakes.
During the last part of year the vibe in my home started to change, no one knew what was happening with her, the only thing that we were completely aware of is that this was supposed to happen or at least that was what we were told, but it wasn't until further investigation and seeing specialist that my biggest fears broke through.
My grandma is 93 years old, has a healthy heart, doesn't suffer from anything other than hypertension, everyone says she's a healthy woman besides her anxiety disorder we knew nothing about her mental health.
It wasn't until one of her long time doctors told me "She's showing the first signs of dementia, it's completely normal and even when we can medicate her it's not going to be ideal unless she starts acting up weird or has bigger hallucinations".
My world broke right there and then, we knew nothing about it, no one was prepared for something like this and I saw the same reaction on my father's face. There was no way we were losing our long time partner to a battle to herself, there was no way we weren't able to do something.
That was the first days of March and I remember calling "Stranger" after smoking a cigarette (something I wasn't doing for so long) just to be able to tell someone, to hear that maybe she was going to be fine we just needed to put more attention, maybe there was some secret way to fix this, maybe we were on time to do something.
Bless himself, he told me a harsh truth that hurt but made me realise that I should enjoy the time I had with her now and not regret it later, because lord knows I've done some pretty nasty stuff before, that's when I wrote about dedicating my work and success (if I ever reach my goal) to her, because she's been there since I was a little girl, she cooked, took care of me and was the best grandma ever.
A part of me is still in denial, she has good and bad days and it's all a waiting game, we have to have patience, we have to do everything we can do to give it the best life, we have to be there for her and maybe, just maybe we'll be able to make it through and she won't suffer.
It's really tough to talk about this, I don't think it'll ever get easier but I hope you get my point across, because she was there for me before, it's my turn to be there for her and give her all I can even when that can hurt me a little bit sometimes. That's my little family secret out, I hope you can now understand the "funk" and the days I couldn't bare to write anything.