October was a month of figuring out, not only were a lot of things on the lose after the earthquakes, there was a lot I needed to figure out and learn myself to be where I am today. I feel like this month was to set myself in a better place and be happier.
I was angry, I felt so resentful towards people that didn't deserve it and I'm not sure why, I had nothing missing, everything was at the reach of my hand but there I was being an annoying little girl crying because I wasn't getting what I wanted or thought I wanted.
My grandma had problems with her blood pressure days before my birthday and I was so mad at her because once again it was happening on days before my birthday when I wanted everything to be about me or at least have some down time after everything that had been going on everywhere. Then I realised that she wasn't guilty for any of that.
I went to a funeral, I hadn't been to one in the longest time and knowing that it was one of someone I met in high school and got to live some of my rebellious stages with was quite shocking, I went for a run the day they told me, he was a victim of the earthquake, I had no idea how to react to that, I wasn't mad at him, I was mad at the people that were guilty of that happening to him.
The day of my birthday was the angriest, on my mind I thought I was going to be lavished with all of this messages and attention and I sort of did but not from the people I thought and I was mad because I thought I was important to them but then I realised that I got attention from people that cared about me and that was more than I could ask.
Then I was disappointed, what happened to those close friendships? Those you fought your way through many problems? Where were they? I was mostly sad because of one particular person, one person I had listened to for many hours, one I would go out of my way to help, one that's no longer in my life.
I'm not pointing at anyone, I was mad for a few days but the more I think about it, the more I realise it wasn't meant to be, maybe it was too late for me to offer everything to that friendship, maybe it was my fault, but at least for now I know I didn't do anything wrong, it was a decision made and I won't do anything to change it for me and the other person's sake. All I have to wish is good luck and happy memories.

I talked openly about what happened during the two earthquakes that struck the city and many others around us, it was probably one of the most traumatic experiences most of us got to live and one that I would never would want to relive but my dad is right about one thing, you'll never know when it can happen again and it's better to be prepared.
I was with my grandma, a woman that lived through three of this type of earthquake and even her was scared, she didn't know what to do and even though I know she was trying to stay calm, she was really worried and I cannot thank the universe enough for letting me be at home when everything happened, I have no idea what would have happened if I would have stayed in class instead of going home for the simulacrum that happened two hours earlier.
The fear I felt by not being able to talk to my mum or my dad was real, I've never felt like this before, I didn't know if they were fine, if they were coming home and when you start hearing that there were several buildings collapsed, you can't help but fear for those ones you care the most about and sometimes think the worst.
I had the same feeling of adrenaline rushing through my veins in both earthquakes, I knew that I could've had a panic attack at any moment and my anxiety is still playing up at this day, but I don't know if what it was that helped me stay in focus, I calmed myself down for several minutes, kept myself busy and tried really hard not to panic for mine and everyone that was around me.
I was talking with one of my aunts when my dad appear on the front door and even when I was still fearful because of my mum, a huge weight was lift off of my shoulders, he was safe. It was a similar feeling to when I when with him to pick up my mum, knowing that she was fine and that I was so lucky that none of them were hurt made me feel like the luckiest girl on earth.
It was an eye opening experience in many ways, not only did I start to look out more for the good but I also realised how lucky I was to have all of my family, a house, my friends, everything, because there were people left with nothing. I went out to help not because I needed to feel better or to clean my karma, I went out because I had to, I was blessed to have all of those things and there were people out there suffering, I had to do something and I'm glad I did and still do. Those experiences really leave a mark in our lives.

After the camp things started to go at a faster paste, the last leg of the course was starting and I thought everything was going to slow as the main event was over but haven't I taught you kids that things never go my way?
The work load slowed down a little bit, but I wouldn't say I had free time at all, I was trying to manage everything while trying to keep this blog alive and trying to figure out how my last semester was going to be, so you can only imagine what was going around in my head.
I failed at working on this blog and it was quite obvious but I managed to get all of my classes in with the teachers I wanted and had some spare time to talk with my tutor to have some guidance about what was on the lookout for me and graduation.
Then I got to work with 50+ army men that went to one of our events, I've never felt smaller or more intimidated in my life, but it's one of those things I can say I never imagined myself doing but truly enjoyed it. The kids and teachers were fascinated by them and it was something I will never forget and I think even my grandchildren are going to hear about it.
After that we had a few bumps along the way, not everyone was happy, I was so worried for some of them that I couldn't even sleep properly for a few days and had to go out to free my mind from everything that was going on and in one of those outings my wallet got stolen (I was okay for mad at myself and everyone).
Before it was over my proudest moment happened, on one of those days I got there earlier than most and given the inclement weather our kermess was about to be cancelled when my boss came with an idea that I helped to execute and got to be the leading voice for once. It was one of the most amazing feelings in the world, knowing that everything was done right even when we had everything against us and that I helped do that, made me feel like I was able to conquer everything I wanted.
And like that it was over, the last day was quite sentimental and this year unlike others I got to say goodbye to everyone, I didn't escape like I usually do and it felt nice, because something inside me tells me that I should come back for one last time before I become a full on functional adult of our society, but who knows what the year has prepared for us.

Because what's better than spending 24 hours with your coworkers and over 100 little kids, nothing right?

For this year's camp I was solo, my partner in crime had other duties and I was left with a mountain of work and little to no hands of help and you can only imagine under how much pressure I was, not only were my bosses counting on me but also many of my coworkers too.
We started the day at 8am without enough sleep, then went straight into work, getting phone calls, payments and putting together some of the activities we were meant to be having in hours. Nothing was ready, everything was going wrong and the only thing in my mind was how bad my period pains were and how much I wanted food.
By noon we were starting to pull everything through, I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the top of the mountain but we've gotta remember that those can lie to us, sometimes our goal is farther than we think and problems began to surface not only with kids but coworkers with exhaustion.
And then the lunch began and the parents appeared too, they were ready to pick some of the kids up and being the only one that could do it, the "300" rounds (as my boss called them) began, I flew up and down the stairs about 5 times before finding a good system and making it kinda work for everyone.
Suddenly the day was starting to end and my help was needed in other areas which made it a hell of a lot more fun for me. I actually remember many of the teachers entering the office, looking exhausted to tell me about something else we had to do, something else that had gone wrong or just to seek some relief.
But the best best part was when I got to take off one of the target tapes he had on his hairy leg, it was just one pull that was so satisfying I can't explain it and everyone that saw it made the same face as him, everyone felt his pain.
And when the night and rain hit us my boss came to the rescue, managed to pull and activity and after the rain we had our yearly woodfire which kids and adults love. One of my little ones was picked up early but begged her mother to stay to see it and he did, he saw it and was amazed by it.
By the end of the day we were all out, but adults don't sleep at night and I laughed, chatted and got to know more of the people I'd been working on with for two weeks. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat properly but I enjoyed it way too much and our delirious morning we managed to see one of my favourite people dance and sing and just have a great time besides the tiredness. It was one of the best camp I've been too.

After my exam my main focus was Summer Course and it was all I could talk about, I was so excited to go back to hard work, time with teammates and just enjoying the day by day there, because unlike what everyone thinks I do love working with kids and adults that are big kids.
Seeing it now I feel like I rush a little bit into it, I could've waited a couple more days to get into the craziness but at the end I don't regret going back into that office, seeing old friends and preparing myself mentally and physically for what was to come, which to be honest, I never expected it to be that crazy.
The last two meetings were the reaffirmation of what was to come, I knew that there were going to be a lot more kids and a lot more responsibility but it never crossed my mind that the day before the first day we were going to be running around like headless chickens or that I was going to be having lunch with my two bosses because I couldn't go home because we had that much work left to do.
The first few days were crazy, I have never been that tired and that stressed (As a side point I want to point out that at this point I didn't know that I wasn't in my best mental state, I was neglecting my mental health so much that I wouldn't even pay attention to those little signs that my anxiety was sending me), but I was happy too, this, after all, was my dream job.
And as days continuing to pass and work started to settle down I became more and more aware of the little things that were bothering me and the little voice inside my head telling me that I wasn't good enough, that there was no way I was going to be able to pull this off, so imagine my face when they told that for the next three weeks I was going to be by myself.
My co-worker was going to work with one of the groups and I knew that was what she wanted all the way so I wasn't going to be the one stopping her, she deserved it and I knew deep inside me that I could do it, I just needed to focus and don't let anyone tell me that I couldn't.
Everything started going fine, a part of me was prepared to work, to do what I was hired to do, but another part was still terrified that some day I was going to show up and they were going to tell me "Thank you but this is not working for neither us or you".
And for the first two weeks I got this feeling of anxiety and failure everytime something went wrong, because even when it may not have been my fault, there's always something I could have done to fix it, until the camp rolled around, but that's for another time.

Dark colours are associated with fear and that's exactly what I felt through June, I became aware, once again, of how much I'm afraid of failing, of not being good enough or simply not being who I thought I was.
Through May I was a stressed mess and this became even worse when I realised that if I weren't to pass my English course in that month I was going to be able to finish until September, if I was luck, because I had Summer Course right in between and the next two months were going to be about that.
To put it into perspective, I had to pass my last two day exam in the first round in order to finish just two weeks before summer course started and had time to hand my last papers in time and maybe, just maybe, have a week to rest without any commitments. If I were to fail I was going to need to retake the whole month worth of classes and there was no way of fitting it in.
That month I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't eat without thinking about those exams, so when the score for the one that was worth 50% of my grade came back I felt a little bit defeated, I got a 42 out of 50 and you might be rolling your eyes thinking well, that isn't bad and it isn't, but in those classes I had always reached to be the best and knowing that I could still blow my chance to pass this class put me in a really bad mood.
The next two weeks we had mock after mock of the exam and every time I would get out of that class and have a headache, mostly during the two hour listenings, but no matter how much I did I still felt like nothing I was doing was going to be good enough, each time I felt like I was going to fail and blow every chance I had from now on.
The day of the first part of the exam I was so nervous I barely slept, I was so anxious and got to the test late but lucky for me I managed to regain time as I'm always quite fast with exams, but then the second day rolled around and I knew I was going to be in trouble, listening is my weakness.
On the day I was supposed to get the results I had "Chef" by my side, holding my hand and telling me that I was good enough, I was going to pass, so when my teacher called me and told me that I got a 92 I was more than delighted, my exam was perfect and although a weight was lifted of my shoulders, I realised that I had a lot of explaining to do to everyone that got around with me and my horrible mood, but a lot of them understood quite easily and I realised that even when it was all for a good cause, I shouldn't be like that with no one ever.

It's said that you see red when you are mad, angry and even a little bit stressed and those were my main emotions during the whole month, there wasn't a day in which I didn't feel like the world had it against me.

But March took a turn towards the end of the month when I received a rather hopeful phone call and decided to do something my teenage self would be proud by I now felt embarrassed of doing.
When you want a job you fight for it, you apply, you call, you make it your main priority to fight for it, but when it comes to seasonal jobs all you can do is hope that they loved what you did the year before and hopefully they'll call you back.
I wasn't going to let any of that happen so I started calling my old bosses and telling them that I was onboard, I wanted to participate on another summer course and I hoped they wanted me back, preferably on the same position as the year before.
One of them answered on the first call and told me that they were beyond happy to have me back, but the process wasn't going to as easy as that, I was going to have to get a call from my other boss, the one with the final word and until then I had to play the waiting game.
I called her once, then twice and a third one two weeks later right before my class, she didn't answer, my hopes were stepped on and mushed, I was gutted, I thought they might have chosen someone more prepared, someone with more personality or just someone that was way better than me, but boy was I wrong.
In the middle of a speaking exercise I received a call, I checked the number and it was her, my boss, so I excused myself and went on to speak to her. She told me they were a little behind on the planning but that I was taken in consideration and if I wanted to be back I was going to be well received.
I was so happy and cheery after that, I got this rush of happiness because not only did I had a job for the summer, but I had my dream job, the one that fulfilled me the most over the five years I've been part of this project, there were no word to express how grateful I was.
And then as I went to see some of my friends I saw someone I've been eyeing on my english class and out of nowhere decided to go and talk with him, something I would have never thought of doing, but the good news and the challenge one of my friends had set me got me excited and something inside me told me to just do it.
He was nice, it was an eventful day and all the sorrow I had from previous days was left behind under the amazing news I'd just been given.

It's a common saying that without bad we wouldn't value good as much, whether that's right or not in March I got a taste from both of them and I can tell you that from there my vision of life started to change a little bit. This isn't going to be a good memory but I really want to share it with you, maybe you can learn from my mistakes.
During the last part of year the vibe in my home started to change, no one knew what was happening with her, the only thing that we were completely aware of is that this was supposed to happen or at least that was what we were told, but it wasn't until further investigation and seeing specialist that my biggest fears broke through.
My grandma is 93 years old, has a healthy heart, doesn't suffer from anything other than hypertension, everyone says she's a healthy woman besides her anxiety disorder we knew nothing about her mental health.
It wasn't until one of her long time doctors told me "She's showing the first signs of dementia, it's completely normal and even when we can medicate her it's not going to be ideal unless she starts acting up weird or has bigger hallucinations".
My world broke right there and then, we knew nothing about it, no one was prepared for something like this and I saw the same reaction on my father's face. There was no way we were losing our long time partner to a battle to herself, there was no way we weren't able to do something.
That was the first days of March and I remember calling "Stranger" after smoking a cigarette (something I wasn't doing for so long) just to be able to tell someone, to hear that maybe she was going to be fine we just needed to put more attention, maybe there was some secret way to fix this, maybe we were on time to do something.
Bless himself, he told me a harsh truth that hurt but made me realise that I should enjoy the time I had with her now and not regret it later, because lord knows I've done some pretty nasty stuff before, that's when I wrote about dedicating my work and success (if I ever reach my goal) to her, because she's been there since I was a little girl, she cooked, took care of me and was the best grandma ever.
A part of me is still in denial, she has good and bad days and it's all a waiting game, we have to have patience, we have to do everything we can do to give it the best life, we have to be there for her and maybe, just maybe we'll be able to make it through and she won't suffer.
It's really tough to talk about this, I don't think it'll ever get easier but I hope you get my point across, because she was there for me before, it's my turn to be there for her and give her all I can even when that can hurt me a little bit sometimes. That's my little family secret out, I hope you can now understand the "funk" and the days I couldn't bare to write anything.

It is said that if you start the year travelling that you are going to do it throughout the whole year, or at least I like to believe that, so imagine my reaction when my mother cancelled out yearly New Year's trip and decided to make a family dinner at home, I was beyond devastated as I thought this meant I wasn't going to travel as much this year, little did I know that it was going to be just the beginning of something new.
Towards the middle of the month my cousin went into labour, it wasn't going to be easy and my aunt was there all by herself in the need for help, lucky for her my job was flexible enough that allowed me not only to leave the city, but will allow me to work from anyplace as long as I had internet connection.
And so I went, I packed my bags, booked my flight and gave a notice to my boss who told me to not worry about it and to only give him updates on how I was doing.
That morning I was so excited/nervous that I was unable to eat or drink without feeling sick, I was talking with "Chef", responding some other emails and trying to process everything as it was going to be my first flight in many years and it was also going to be my first time flying all by myself.
My dad took me to the airport and even when I'm always the emotional wreck out of the two of them I could sense that he was also feeling it to, it's not everyday that you take your only daughter to the airport, he told me "This things happen and sooner than later you were meant to start travelling by yourself".
I boarded my flight without problem, I even had time to work a little bit outside the gate as the nervousness faded away as soon as I passed security and realised that it wasn't that difficult, it wasn't as scary of a situation as I thought it was going to be.
That week I barely sleep, I held my first newborn and did a lot of things I never even thought of doing, like feeding a baby or watching reruns in a hospital waiting room, but it was all worthy.
On my way back I was almost too late to be allowed through security, but once I was relief filled my veins and I was in control once again, ready to board the next flight home, hug my mother and relax even for a few hours, because even when it was worthy, my body and soul were beyond tired.

It's the most wonderful time of the year and it truly has been feeling like Christmas as it has been amazingly cold in the city and I've already put up my Christmas tree, but it wouldn't be Christmas if I didn't present this year's project to all of you and that's what I'm here for.
This year we are going to mix it up a little bit as there's only going to be one storyteller and that's going to be me, just me and I'm not going to lie, I didn't have time to ask around and see what I was going to be able to do, but nonetheless I feel rather excited to do this by myself with my own memories, most of which are going to be from this year, some that I will bring back from the past just so you can laugh with me.
But that is not going to be it, adding to that I will be posting 12 reviews to my favourite series that I haven't mentioned this year and that I have kept for a special occasion and I'm sure that you are going to enjoy a few recommendations for you to enjoy by the fire or on an afternoon just so you can unwind.
It's a big project I have on hand but I feel like I owe all of you for all the times I wasn't able to keep up or post as I said I was going to, mostly towards the end of the year, so I want to give you something to enjoy, to laugh and to also get those stories everyone remembers me from and laughs at me.
I hope you like them because I'm really excited and really behind, so enough of chatter, I'm going back to work and I'll see you in a memory of my awkward phase as a teenager and remember to keep on dreaming.

Ever since I was a little kid, I've seen my parents help others, they are always the first ones to raise their hand when someone needs help, so I grew with this positive image of people helping others, trying to make the world a little bit better, but lately life has been harder, every time you turn on your T.V. you can see something new happening, people attacking each other and it makes me sad.

One day I was going to have breakfast with one of my friends when I noticed I didn't had any money, I'd left it at home, so I decided not to eat until I got home, but she notices something was going on and as she was going to eat alone, she lent me some money, she read me.

"This semester a few boys made a project but it didn't work because they didn't calculate the amperage right, so I lent them the only transformer I had, they passed and I never got it back."

"A few days back a man was carrying a little cart of tacos and I saw how everything fell, it was pretty heavy because it had a gas tank, all because a car lost control and to not hit get hit, he fell to the side so I helped him pick everything up."

About two years ago I went shopping before having to go back to work, I got into the bus and sat down, about 4 stations from the one I was supposed to get down the lady besides me fainted, I turned my head and saw her eyes going white.
If you know one thing about me is that I don't know how to handle myself, let alone help anyone in this kind of situations, so a lady started telling me what to do and went into automatic pilot, I was moving but not really thinking, we got her down in the next stop and called the cop that was on the station for help.
She called her brother to come pick her up and we waited with her, I remember being terrified but looking for something to do that may help her recover and feel better, luckily the other lady helping was a nurse, she knew what she was talking about better than me.
Her brother came and took her not before thanking us for the help and telling her sister to never ever go again to donate blood without having someone by his side.
It was quite the day.

Once upon a time there was a biology group and an evil head office that decided to cancel the field trip, but the students and teachers would not give up, they had been planning all of those field trips for months.
After weeks of collecting signatures, reunions and many protests from both sides, the evil head office that was only counting on senseless arguments, was defeated, the students were able to go to their field trip without knowing some of the secret reasons of why the teachers fought with them.
They wouldn't let many students go, but they let two extra teachers in, they told us to fight for our field trips because it was our right, but they were using the spots we deserved.
Two of the head teachers turned to the evil side as they made every student pay more than they should for the room, even when they were more in the room to make it cheaper, but three brave students were not going to let that happen and only payed what they were supposed to.
The teachers began looking for the fugitives, checking room by room, counting and registering every student, but the three heroes were smarter and managed to fool them for one more night.
But the next day was not going to bring more luck, as they were getting onto the bus, they cornered them, seat by seat asking for the room information and checking with the hotel, it was the end for them, they were going to get busted.
Sadly that was how one of the evil teachers broke his character, showing his true self in front of everyone, while his partner was trying to figure out what had happened, the other one attacked them for the money, luckily for our heros, the good guy calmed the dragon and helped our heros come out victorious.
At the end some teachers do worry about their students, even when it doesn't show.

"One time when I was walking with my now ex, we saw a man taking an almost empty bottle of Coke out of of the garbage, I had one full bottle of water with me, we got close and we gave it to him, he was surprised and thanked us a lot."

"Coming back from work I saw two women, one was younger than the other one and she was carrying her baby, the other one was carrying a load of bags, so I helped her go up the stairs with the stroller and a few bags"

One day when I was on my way back to school from seeing my girlfriend, I got onto the subway and a guy sat next to me and started talking to me, telling me that someone was following him, he was not from the city and he didn't know what to do, he was asking me for help.
I told him to get down in the next stop but just right before the doors closed, to avoid them, once we were down I told him we couldn't keep going by subway, they would notice, so we got down and took the bus to the next connection.
On our way there he told me his story, he was from Monterrey and he was here pursuing acting, he was told to come here to certain address, but when he got there, there was nothing just two men that started following him, the only thing that he could come up with was getting on the subway and then he found me.
Right as we got to the station I told him I couldn't continue the trip with him as I was going to be late for class, but before saying our goodbyes I gave him the extra shirt I had with me, which also happen to be one of my favourites, I told him to wear it and disguise them. We parted ways not before I wished him luck getting back.
About a year later I got a call from him, he was back with his family and happy, his parents thanked me for helping him get back.

Have ever had to face tests?
This is the story of how I faced two of the most difficult, yet important tests in my life.
Through the years we live different things, each with it's own level of difficulty and importance, but what matters is that you learn from them.
Both tests started at the same time, but I didn't had to manage both immediately, everything has it's own process.
The first test started when I met this one really unique woman, she was different, that caught my attention, I wanted to make things right, so I waited and dedicated myself to her before rushing into anything, I needed to know if it was the right thing, luckily for me, it was, we are working through it, but it's all having a great start.
The second test has a close bound with the first one, one is product from the other one. This one has had a slow beginning, I tried not to rush anything, I've been letting things slowly develop, I know that he can feel when someone's being fake or not completely honest.
With time I've been able to to build a stronger relationship with them, to this day I know that if he were to chose, he wouldn't chose me, I've learnt that sometimes we hold on to hope for a long time, fortunately his age is on my side, I know that with time he'll be able to adapt and we may even build a relationship.
I've never been in this type of situation before, I've never been involved when there are many conflicts and many points of view getting in the way, but I've learnt from it, because there's a way of handling them by putting necessities over desires, by helping him understand the situation in a different way, a more positive one.
I'm talking about my relationship with a single mother, my main goal is to build a strong and positive relationship, filling every aspect of my life, bringing happiness back into our lives and being able to show her that nothing is impossible and to the little one, I want to show him that a break up doesn't mean loneliness, and making sure he understands that I'm not there to take the place I don't belong in, but to support him and her.
Now comes the part in which I tell you how am I, I'm good, they fill me with energy, happiness, stability and security. I'm excited to be by their side, making that bound stronger. I'm getting to know my new family.

On the birthday of one of my friends, we went out to a party, after a few drinks we were all wasted, I drank and drank but didn't feel anything. About 5 a.m. we were about to leave, I got everyone into a cab and left to leave them at the club, but I had to come back for my friend's car and to pick up everyone that was left there.
I was getting close to the party when all the alcohol hit me, soon enough I got a call from them, I got scared because they were inside a police station, I sobered up in a second when I heard that, I was so scared, it was one of those times where the alcohol leaves your system instead of through the night, in a minute.
I called them again and they told me that they just needed to use the toilet, they got in the car and I drove them back.