How are you supposed to explain to your boss that you have anxiety and the episode on Friday was so hard that you couldn't control it, so you ran like your life depended on it?
I took that Friday off, after everything that happened it only seemed fair to spend sometime with myself. Saturday was spent with my family, celebrating my nephew's birthday and it wasn't until Sunday rolled around that I realised that I was going to have to face my boss the next day and talk with him about everything, my reaction, how I got triggered and why I didn't relay on the people I would usually rely on because I don't really trust them anymore.
I got there and found him on the same place, I felt a knot in my tummy knowing that I had to do all of this but once I was able to tell him how much I needed to talk to him about the Friday events I felt more relaxed. What everyone told me turned out to be truth, my boss really trusts me and we are a team, it isn't about being the one that shines.
Once I knew we were alone in the office I reached out to him and started talking about the many things that had triggered me that day, like the call I made to "Stranger" or the attitude of one of my coworkers. I could see an understanding look in his face and recognition once I started describing some of the situations to him.
I could see that he agreed with me in certain things and how he was connecting the dots of his point of view and my point of view. Talking to him like this wasn't only eye opening for the both of us, it was also a way of connecting a lot more. I feel like he didn't realise many things until I started talking about attitude changes and why my dynamic towards certain people seemed different.
He's a very wise man and a person I'll always respect beyond the work space. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't accepted to talk with me. It made all of the fear I had fade away. He accepted my problems and didn't even blink when I told him what I'd been going through.
The sad part? It depends on me whether or not I'll get to see him again next year, I'll either recover and be in a better place or fade from their lives like I've done many times in the past.