The thing with dealing with a loss is that is takes a lot of time to recover, you go through the good and the bad for so many days in a row that at some point it starts to feel normal.
I've been going through a lot, I've been thinking a lot too, but mostly I've immersed myself in work and projects I want to start, plans I want to achieve and places I really want to visit. There hasn't been enough time in the day for me to focus on the pain and everything that I've been feeling in the back of my head.
It's wrong, I know that much but for now it's what has been working for me and I'm scared to let it slip, to come out of this really planned routine because I'm sure that's when the pain is going to come back and reality hits are painful and hard to deal with.
This week I've been working and working and focusing on what's next, what will happen if I get into the masters, what is the next step in my life and where my heart really is. There's nothing figured out yet but there are certainly some different possibilities I would like to explore.
There have been days in which my head is spinning by the end of it, because I spent so much time in front of a screen that my eyes, brain and even soul and dry, there's nothing else in there.
But there are other days like Mondays in which I have a burst of energy and I'm able not only to get into my gym wear but actually workout and do a full routine without feeling exhausted or unmotivated. Highs and lows, I guess.
My family has been going through a lot and I've come to the realisation that there are days in which I don't have energy to deal with any of that. I need a break from all of this, from the pain, from the worry, but it isn't as easy.
Everyone says "You've got to get stronger, go pass this", well, if you are going through something similar, know that you are allowed to cry, scream and take time off, there's as much as you can take, you don't have to be everyone's superheroe.
With that said, and as always, remember to keep on dreaming.