I wouldn't consider myself overly social, I have a small group of friends I talk with in a weekly basis, we understand each other and manage to get along quite nicely. I've lost about three friendships in the past year or so and one of them didn't really hit me until I realised how much I wanted to talk with him and I couldn't.
We made peace after everything that happened during April and May. It was one of the best decisions I made during those months, having someone you care about close to you will always make you feel better. But there were secrets he needed to know about and I had to find a way to tell him without worrying him about my health or my well being.
I made the call one afternoon, I was waiting for someone in the same lounge I did the first call, I called and started talking and saying that even when it was hard for me to accept that I'd been going through all of this, I was ready to ask for help from an expert, from someone that knew more than me what to do in this situations.
He was there when I first started dealing with my eating disorder years back, he was there when I started having regular panic attacks, he was there when I wouldn't leave my house for days at a time, he was there the multiple times I tried to take my life away. I guess I understand why it was so hard for him to accept all of this when I started talking.
I told him everything, from how my anxiety had been spiking once again to how my suicidal thoughts had come back after everything that happened. I poured my heart out about all the things that had been going through my mind over the past month or so. It was one of those hard truths that had to be told even when it was going to hurt someone.
It's a hard spot to move on from, knowing that someone you care about is struggling with themselves, fighting against their instincts and their mind. It has to be the hardest battle I ever had to fight but now I know I have something to keep me accountable. I'll always be grateful for having friends like this, friends that listen no matter how hard it can be.