I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, ever since I started to come clean about the different situations that had been going in my life, I've been feeling this need to be more open with people around me, with my friends and family about how I feel and how they being there has helped me a lot.
It's been hard to accept myself, my problems and the way others are caring for me. I'm not usually one to express my feelings, I always feel awkward and a little bit nervous but deep down I always hope for them to know that I'll be there whenever they need it and how much I actually care for them.
Saying that, I've been letting new people into my life, something that hasn't happened in years and something I was more than scared of doing. I've been conscious about letting them into this really vulnerable part of my life in which not only do I show how much I went through but also explaining them why I can't do certain things.
When I lost her all of my world came crumbling down, I thought I wasn't going to be able to connect with anyone else and then someone appeared in my life. He's the definition of good soul. Over the last two months or so we've been talking, connecting and being friends.
He became important in such a small amount of time that a part of me was freaked out, I haven't felt that connection with anyone in such a long time that something felt off. I later discover that life hadn't been easy for neither of us and maybe was that what was holding us together.
He's the new "Guy", get it? Maybe it is a bad joke but his nickname plays with his last name and the fact that I sometimes treat him as my gay friend. In the small amount of time that I've spent with him I've gotten to know him quite well and have some amazing stories that may or may not play part in something I'm thinking about for October...
For what feels like the first time in months, I'm happy, I have hope about the future and what I'm going to be able to do to recover. I know all of this has just started but every step I take feels right, I'm recovering my ability to sleep for more than 6 hours, I'm eating without worrying about calories, I'm doing what I feel like doing without worrying about what others may say.
There have been a few stumbles along the way, mostly with food, but my friends have been wonderful, supporting me and making me see where I go wrong. The only thing I can do is learn from that and keep on going, becoming stronger than ever and as always, remembering to keep on dreaming.