Mourning takes time, people talk about it all the time but we never understand what all of that's about until we go through it. When people come into your life, you never think about how they'll head out or about how long they are going to stay in there. It's a waste of time and energy when you are starting a new relationship or are making new friends.
A year ago I lost a friend, she passed away in a domestic accident, there was no one to blame or to point a finger at. She was 23 at the time, young in the grand scheme of things. I'd known her since I was 11 years old, half of our lives, and it all went away in a second.
A couple of months before this happened, we met again. We were barely 18 when we stopped talking, we were young, naive and starting to go on different directions. At the time it hurt to lose someone because I couldn't bare to open up more to her. She was going through so much that throwing my problems at her just made the whole relationship burst.
I mourned her then, she was the first person to see something in me, my first kiss, my first crush even. There was something about her. She was one of the prettiest girls I ever met and everyone thought that. Her energy draw you to her in a way I've never seen. There was something beautiful about her.
The day I received a message from her I knew I had to talk with her, she had been such an important part of my life that letting her go completely didn't seemed like the right thing to do. I was so nervous, she was as unpredictable as me, if not even more. We could connect or we could burst once again.
I'll never regret going to see her, everything about us talking seemed right. We chatted for hours, I spent most of my day with her, remembering how we grew, how we developed. I remembered how she helped me come out of my little cocoon and how she introduced me to new things.
We never talked again, she was gone a few days before her favourite of the year, her birthday.The news hit me in a way I didn't expect, she wasn't mine to lose but somehow it felt like a part of me was gone. It took me months to understand what I was feeling and how I was supposed to react to any of it.
And it was when it hit me, she wasn't the only one I was going to lose. My grandma's condition was deteriorating quickly and a year later she said goodbye. I'm not over any of that yet, she was such a big part of my life that even 6 months later I feel like one day I'll come home and she'll be there asking me if I was hungry.
I'm learning to say everything now and spend as much time as I can with people I love, because, after losing both of them, I realised that life is too short to not say how much you love someone.