My sleeping schedule is so messed up that I can conceive to fall asleep before 11:00 and I know that's early but for a person that loves to start her day by 7:00, that's late and it leaves me sleeping less than I would want too. I know that's still a lot but sometimes you need that extra time to unwind after a day of multiple activities and if I can't do that now that I have the time, when?
It all started a month ago, of course, it was like all the tiredness from the month before hit me and the first day after the service I slept for almost 14 hours, something unheard of, I'm usually wide awake by 7. I couldn't bare to wake up, I couldn't even do any basic movements without feeling like I had run a marathon.
That whole week I feel asleep as soon as I got home, I started sleeping 10+ hours a day and still couldn't get back my strength. By the start of week 2 I started to worry, the last time I slept like that was when my friend died and I started to show signs of depression. I freaked a little bit.
I made an appointment with my therapist, first time I'd saw her since the last days I spent with my grandma and as soon as I walked in she knew something was wrong with me and that we needed to talk more than I could've told her on the phone. That was the day I realised that not only was I lying to her, but I was lying to myself and my family.
It's very telling for me to have something impact my sleeping schedule, I love sleeping but that doesn't mean I can do it for that long without getting restless and this time the more I slept, the more tired I felt and it was becoming a vicious cycle I couldn't really get out of.
She recommended many lifestyle changes, many to which I said "I can't do that right now, I don't know how" and once again she called me out on my shit, because making excuses is a talent, one I have and use frequently when something doesn't go my way.
I made little changes here and there, but really it wasn't until I realised that the only person that was hurting because of this excuses was me. If someone was going to hurt, suffer the effects I know insomnia has on myself, it was me and I could either start doing what she told me to or cry later.
No, my sleep isn't back to how it was and I don't think is going to take me 2 weeks to get it back but I've certainly have sleep more and I don't wake up feeling like those 7 hours were for nothing. I'll have to work from here and see where I get. Now if only I could fix my dreams the same way.