Getting sick is one of the worse feelings in the world, getting strep throat is even worse but I'm getting ahead of myself, my last two weeks were more than bed rest and antibiotics.
I feel like being a control freak is finally getting to me and affecting my health in ways I never even expected it to affect it. I usually can tell when I've been overly stressed because my gut suffers and goes through many changes that won't go away unless I relax and move on. This time it was really different, my immune system gave up on me and I got severely sick overnight.
The thing is that for the past two weeks I was so wrapped up on everyone else's problems, commitments and just daily activities that I was leaving little to no time for myself and if you are rolling your eyes at me right now, hear me out.
When you have a person that struggles to do simple, daily things, your life takes a turn. You no longer have to only make your bed, you have to help her make her bed too, you don't have to cook for one, you have to do it for two. It's investing more and more time in others and at the beginning it can be really challenging, because if you used to have your space clean in 20 min now it takes you 30 or 40 minutes more.
I got to a point in which every day was a struggle and my to do list was so long that there wasn't anything else I was able to do. It weighted on me quite quickly, by week 3 my anxiety was through the roof and I still felt like my life was an utter mess. No matter how much time I spent cleaning, organising, doing laundry, it wasn't enough.
Every morning I would wake up with this infamous list and I would get stressed just by the thought of it. Cleaning, which is one of my favourite activities, became something I would dread so much. Everything stopped being fun and started being a proper task. I felt like I was starting to lose the little control I had in my life.
Then I got sick, it's been years since I've had a high fever or got properly sick, but this time my body was telling me to take a break, a proper one, without work, worries or long lists. It got to a point in which not only was I feeling tired and in pain, I started feeling sorry for myself, I was so weak that all I felt like doing was crying.
I went to the doctor, I spent time in bed, I took my medicines and started to see the light of day once again, because after three days of feeling like utter sh*t, I was finally feeling better and even my appetite was starting to come back.
I'm not 100% there yet, I still have a few symptoms and feel sluggish, but I'm taking care of myself, mentally and physically. Now more than ever I'm taking my health seriously, plus I have a new found motivation to do all I've been avoiding lately, maybe something good is indeed coming out of all of this.
I don't know what the future has