Let's take that word in all its meaning, I've been working over my capacity and I'm not proud of that, it has shown me how little I actually can have under my control and how important it is to take at least 30 minutes for myself every single day.
I've been sick for two weeks now, my throat has been hurting, my head has been throbbing and my back is killing me, but right now after a week of trying to take it easier on me, I can confidently say that I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm starting to feel better and like I'm capable of doing what it's in my plans and not stress about every tiny little thing.
It took me getting sick and having a high fever to realise that my body can't do everything and sometimes, just sometimes you need to delegate and accept help from others. It's fine to accept that you can't do everything and anything without breaking down at some point.
Being so in control of everything affected me, my sleep, my appetite and my mood, I didn't notice it right away, but the more I paid attention to my sleeping patterns and eating habits, the more I realised how much stress I was actually carrying within me. I usually try to sleep 7:30 hours, but I was sleeping 5 to 6 hours. I usually eat a lot in between meals, I love snacks, but somehow my appetite was long gone.
I got into this vicious circle in which everything had to be done perfectly, there was no room for mistakes, I had no time for that, and instead of getting that perfect result, I actually got burned out, my immune system gave up on me and my body told me to either take a break or go to ER, because there was no way I was going to be able to go on like that for longer if I didn't stop.
So I did, it took me two weeks to get it and ask for help, but now I feel better. I'm not perfect, I still have to learn how to fully take care of myself and manage my time to be able to actually do my school work, work, workout and have time for myself. It sounds like a lot but once I actually break it down, unless I have a crazy long paper to write, or a seriously close deadline, it doesn't take me more than 2 hours a day getting my schoolwork done. As for work I have a halftime schedule, plus set dates of meetings.
Working out is a time for myself to release endorphins and focus on something else, I actually see it as a break from everything. The more I think about my daily activities, the calmer I feel, and I know nothing is going to happen if one day I don't do everything on my to do list, I'll be okay and the world is going to keep on spinning, so I can either stress it out or accept it.
I'm calmer, I don't know how long is going to continue for, but at least I'm actually trying. Remember to always have time for yourself and keep on dreaming.