I'm at a weird point in my life, I'm in the second semester of my masters, working a half time job, trying to be the best version of myself and feeling like I'm failing miserably. It feels like every time I try to hit a new goal, I fail over and over again.
But right here, right now I'm going to give recognition to something I haven't talked about in a good couple of years. My lack of motivation and discipline, something I once praised to have but then lost somewhere along the end of my college career and never worked hard enough to get back.
If you know my daily activities you know most of them are doable and some days I even have some free time to take a nap, work on a passion project or just relax, but what's been happening over the past two years is that I tend to burn myself out doing work I've been delaying and I end up half asing everything.
I cannot tell you how many times in the past year I've questioned my work ethic and my ability to prioritise. I'm in a vicious circle, one in which I work my ass off to get everything done and then I spend way too much time resting or doing things that aren't important enough to then regret it because work pilled up again and won't go away.
The problem here is that I've come to a point in which my life has gotten so crazy, busy that unless I learn to prioritise and plan my life out, I won't be able to even do half of what I'm supposed to do and not only am I going to suffer, but my work and GPA are going to suffer too.
It doesn't take a village, but it does takes work to recognise the areas in which I need help and the ones I can control by myself. For example, house management and everything that has to do with my grandma, I can use some help with and now that I've asked for it, I feel better, less worried about  what can happen when I'm not there, on top of everything.
This is one of the reasons of why I haven't been on top of my fitness or healthy eating, whenever I'm able to really plan, or set a schedule to work out, I go with it but seeing that I haven't spent enough time thinking and going through with it, I end up not doing it.
Today I promise you to go back to that super organised lady that posted 5 times a week and was able to do everything she set her eyes on, but this time I also promise to have more fun and spend more time with those I truly care about.
It's time to do it for my own good.