The more I think before I sit down to write, the more trouble I have taking words out of my mind, it's both a blessing and a curse to be able to spend so much time thinking and going through what I want to share and write about. Sometimes this insecurity comes from a place of me wanting to share the uplifting side of things and not the raw parts.
This week I focused on getting rid of that thought because not only do my life isn't perfect now, but it's not going to be anywhere close to what it used to be maybe a few years back. Everything changed in the past two years and even when I know I miss those years of less stress and worrisome, I also know that what I've learned now is more valuable in the years to come.
It's been hard and a journey I didn't ask to immerse myself into, but here I am now and although I've had many breakdowns and many bad experiences I wouldn't change it. It's come to a point in which not only do I feel like I'm stronger, but I'm starting to value more and more what I have and what I've learned. It feels like I can finally start to face the world again and not be afraid.
Maybe my new normal isn't ideal, maybe I should start doing things differently and focus on the other side of my life, the one with pretty photos and amazing food, the thing is they go together. It's a balance of the good and the not so good. At first it felt like two different lives but little by little I started to understand that my friends weren't judging me but I was hiding something from them.
Over the past three months I've come to terms with all of this and now I finally feel like I'm learning from it, I'm actually finding a balance between the "two parts" of my life and  enjoying it. If course sometimes it feels like I'm running myself thin or like I can't do this anymore but then there are good days that make realise that there are always going to be high highs and low lows.
Like this Sunday, I got to wake up late, clean and organise my life, resend some work and feel like I actually can do this and have time for myself. Maybe tomorrow will be another day and I'll feel like I can't do it, but for now I feel happy and in control, prepared for the changes that can come in the next months.
All I have to do is stop trying to control everything and do what I feel like it's best for me, not for everyone else.