It's coming to an end and I feel like I'm ready for a new month. January was challenging to say the least, I started the year with a migraine, my first ever migraine and I have to say that I have a new respect for what my mum goes through on a weekly basis.
I don't want to say it all went downhill from there but it kind of did, my grandma went through several anxiety crisis and it took a toll on us and how we were able to be with and for her. It's heartbreaking to see someone lose a battle with her own mind, we just have to make it better for her and not stress too much when things go bad.
Then I was in a car accident, it was my second car accident but the first time getting injured. It wasn't anything major, just muscular contractions and neck pain, most of which went away as the week moved. Of course I took care of myself and my body a little bit more, doing the massages they told me, not carrying anything heavy and taking my meds at the right time.
The amount of stress my body was under during those two weeks was so much that I found myself gritting my teeth, sleeping less and overall feeling terrible about myself and what was happening in my life.
Until one day I went all out, I cleaned my room like there was no tomorrow, I changed my sheets, vacuumed under the bed and cleaned the floor. It doesn't sound like a lot but it was more about getting something done in order to feel better about my life and myself. I didn't fix all my problems, I was still feeling quite stressed but that night when I went to bed I finally got that sense of relief, like I was actually able to do this.
And that was January for me, nothing exciting, a lot of trouble and maybe a few tears but now that it's coming to an end, I feel in peace. It's a weird feeling to explain, It's like a part of me knows that whatever is going to happen I can't do anything about, I did what I was supposed to and gave my best. And the other part is scared to the core about their future and me not being able to do something for them.
I don't know what's going to happen next, all I know is that I want to give my best and feel like whatever happens I managed to be there for that person. It's going to be tough whatever happens, but at least I don't feel like my worl is crumbling down right now, I see a light of hope and maybe everything will get better we just need time, trust doctors and good energy.