It can be quite discouraging when you know that one thing fails after another, but life likes to throw some curved balls to see if you can handle everything that's to come for you. I know I feel a little bit defeated, I know I'm annoyed at myself, I also know that I'm scared that everything is going to go wrong or that it's going to take a lot of time and money to go through this. 

I'll never let any of this eat me alive, I know I can get better, I know all of this is temporary if I listen to my doctor and take care of myself, I'm lucky to be in a position where I can receive treatment and I can take care of myself. 

This is not me complaining or being a drama queen, it's just be wanting to be over with sickness, doctors and everything that may be causing all of this. We all have the right to feel like this and it's tough to go from one to another and not know where the next thing will be. 

I know I'll get out of all of this, I know I can, I also know that happier times will come, it's just that I want them to come now. Some of the situations are making my life harder than it has ever been and even when I want to say that I can do it, I'm starting to doubt myself.

If you are reading this thinking "why is she sharing so much?", well through the years I've learned that keeping your feelings caged leaves you to nothing, you are allowed to cry, to laugh, to feel defeated from time to time and that doesn't mean you are weaker or that you are giving up. 

Sometimes you need to cry in order to reach calm, sometimes you need to say what's been bothering you to feel better, sometimes you need to show the real you to the world to be your best self. It's hard, it can be challenging even, but once you do it, you can reach a level of tranquility with yourself that you've never had.

It's true, when the storm comes it's better to show your best side, but you are also allow to mourn, to feel a little bit bad about yourself. It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop... (Confucius)

Mayte.