I'm mad, I've been mad for about a week now and I don't even know where to begin with. There's a lot that hasn't been told and a lot that I need to get out of my system otherwise I'm never going to be able to push through.
Over this past two weeks I've realised that my life needs to change in many aspects, I need to find my balance quickly or I'll find myself losing my head over the smallest things and I'll turn into this bitter girl that thought didn't deserve anything they had.
I've realised that I need to step down from trying to help everyone, mostly my family and it sounds bad because it's going to be a dirty move, but the more I get involved the less they realise how much it hurts me when they prefer other people or when they simply don't take accountability for what they are saying.
I also need to find more time for myself, simply because the less time I spent doing what I love the more I get lost in what others tell me and that isn't right in any way, everyone needs to be able to be by themselves and enjoy their time alone. I used to be so good about this and then everything changed.
My health is also another thing I'm mad at myself for, I used to be such a healthy girl growing up, everything used to be right and suddenly when I started getting bullied for my weight and developed an eating disorder I threw all of that down the drain. In a couple of months I destroyed my gastrointestinal system and my body started to have and iron deficiency.
I've been sick for the past two months, I've been feeling dead tired after donating blood, I cannot drink or eat certain things because they upset my stomach and at this point I'm trying to do everything I can to change it but I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel and it pisses me off.
I also need to be better about being vocal with how I feel without making others feel bad because over the past two weeks I've received news from different friendships that have left me with my mouth wide open and I haven't been able to say what I think out of fear of them taking them bad. It has to stop.
I need to fix my relationship with myself before I can fix it with everyone else. Anger is a really bad feeling to have and it's worse if all of that is directed towards you. It changes the whole game for worst and it shouldn't be like that.