Last month I managed to work on a lot of things and accomplish most of my resolutions and given that I want to keep on that same positive path most of them are more likely not going to change, but I'll add a few new ones.
Personal:

• Work out four times a week (minimum)
• Eat less processed foods, or, eat more at home. 
• Drink up to three cups of coffee a week, not more. 
• Sleep 7 to 8 hours at night. 
• Drink two liters of water a day. 
• Spend as little as 10 minutes either meditating or doing yoga, every day. 
• Reset my home every night. 
• Use my BuJo every day so I won't forget anything. 

Every month I sit down and write a review of how my month was, how many interesting things happened, how much I managed to get done and it can get quite repetitive if you look it that way, but I've always got to remind myself that someday I will look back to all of this and see how much I did, what crazy thing happened, even if it was bad, I want to see how I worked pass that.
Anyway, February being a short month brought a lot of lessons, a lot of learning and a lot of understanding of many things that have been going on around me. I realised that I cannot stay mad at everyone all the time because it only hurts me.
Since the beginning I had this beef with my mum, I knew that at some point I was going to have to tell her what was bothering me and when it happened a sense of relief invaded me and although we are still working on our differences (some of which I  know will never get pass through), we are better right now.
I also learned that sometimes you just have to do your thing, no matter how hard is not to do something for someone else, sometimes you have to put yourself first in order to keep moving, to reach that goal. The world is going to keep spinning and there will be more moments and you'll be present in them.
Working out became a huge part of my day once again, I fell back in love with it. After a long break I realised how sad it was to let go of my health, my body and all of the hard work I'd put on in the past two years. It's been a tough come back though, I'm starting to regain resistance and strength but it will be a long way to come.
With that came a lot of tiredness and a lot of sleep, I learned to prioritize more the hours I sleep rather than the hours that I lose doing other things, my body needs recovery and the more quality sleep I have, the better I feel.
Last but not least, I'm still trying to figure out my anxiety, I feel like I came to a dead point this month in which I didn't have a lot of it but when I did I tried to do something to calm myself down and not let it control my mood or even my day. There's a long way to go, a lot to do and a lot to figure out but for now I feel like I'm coming to terms with it and trying not to make that much fuss about it.
Maybe it wasn't such a good month but I learned a lot and I feel happy with the way everything happened, I hope you had a great one and remember to keep on dreaming.

Life never goes as planned and I seemed to have realised that many times, yet I never really learn my lesson, why you may ask? I'm sick, again. It's fun knowing that no matter how hard you try your health isn't catching up with you and you go from one to another.

The Voss family is known for being weird, having bought a church to live in and having a twing indeed makes you stand out. Merit knows what is like to collect things and secrets, over the past few years, she has managed to collect many from different family members that sooner or later are going to make her crack under the pressure, leaving her family with an unwanted truth that everyone is going to have to face.
What I liked:

• Sagan's character is really important and an amazing character, he's the one that kick starts the story and he leads some of the plot twists that are in the book. 

Believe it or not, I always try to keep my emotions under control, I don't like to cry in public, I don't like to show anger, I like to laugh, be free and show my best side in front of everyone, maybe it's a way of protecting myself, maybe it's a way of hiding who I am. I truly don't know.
Over the years I managed to successfully hide whatever was going on in my life, every seemed perfect from the outside. The family, the city, the apartment, everything was how it was supposed to be, no one would have ever believed that deep inside there were more problems than you can probably imagine.
This went on for years, I was the perfect kid, until one day I wasn't, something inside me clicked and I realised that life wasn't as perfect as I first thought, life was way more complicated and way more hard to go by as you grew older.
I've learned that it's stupid to try and keep your feelings for yourself, sooner than later you are going to crack either from pressure or just because you had enough and it is in those moments in which you are going to realise who really are there for you and who just liked the way your life looked.
It's hard to take off the mask and break the pattern, most of the times it takes multiples attempts to take it off completely and once you do it everything seems more terrifying, more dangerous, because you feel like there's nothing else to protect you, that's when you are truly against the world.
You are going to get hurt, lose friendships, cry, get angry and feel like none of this is truly worthy until that time when life gives you back and everything will feel brighter, more colorful, more vivid, those are the moments that remind you that all of this, all of the things you went through are worthy.
Everytime you let your emotions shine through you realise that maybe you had to learn that lesson to keep going, that maybe that friendship wasn't meant to last or that love is one of the purest feelings you could ever feel in this world.
Life gives and takes, it's up to you to decide whether you want to treasure those moments, learn from them or hide, not feel a thing.

Ruby Santos knew a lot about the army, having his brother be enrolled for a few missions, it was him what brought her the idea of sending letters to soldiers that were overseas, what she didn't anticipate was that maybe she was falling for him.
What I liked:

• The writing style at the beginning of the book was really laid back and fitted the communication both characters were having. 
• The interaction between the characters was really good, they instantly clicked and it made the book light and easy to read. 
• Ruby's indecisión was natural in a way, we all have been there not knowing if the other person reciprocates our feelings and it made for a nice twist between the two of them . 

What I didn't like:

• The lack of Aaron's voice, I wish we could've had a lot more of him and what he was thinking. 
• At some point the interaction between them got too long and the emails made it a little bit boring. I wish we could've gotten a lot more of what was the other one thinking. 

When I went into college I started eating out of nervousness, I quit smoking out of the blue, I stopped walking all together and as a result of that, I started putting on the weight that I once had lost.
My mum gave me an opportunity to sign myself to a gym close my home, at first I was excited, I wanted to lose all the extra weight I had, I wanted to feel good about myself and in my incredulous mind, I was also ready to find love and the only way was going to happen was being slim enough to be noticed.
I went three to four times a week, I was on a roll for about four months in which I felt really good about myself, but then something inside me started feeling wrong and in my first opportunity I stopped attending using as an excuse the graduation trip that my parents gave me.
I didn't do anything but eat for the next two years, I gained a lot of weight to the point in which I felt uncomfortable with myself and the way I looked, no pair of jeans fitted right because I was going up sizes again. And then summer course came into vision.
I had been off for two years, I didn't expect to come back ever and then as I was looking for a temporary job, summer course came into mine and my parents' mind, it was the perfect opportunity but I knew that in case I got accepted I needed to have more resistance.
It was April when I started doing some light cardio and it was awful, I wasn't able to do nearly anything without feeling out of breath or completely disappointed with myself. I did it once or twice a week and I noticed my mood going up and my body starting to feel different.
During that summer I dropped several pounds from the nature of the job, I was really happy with it so I kept working out regularly and by that December I was the happiest I have been with my body in a really long time. I was looking healthy with a way to go but way better about it.
Then the holiday came and I stopped for a little bit, I wanted to give my body a break, but that break was a little bit too long and it took me a while to get back into the groove of things, but one thing that is true is that I got so invested into it that I never thought of actually quitting.
To add to this I also started doing yoga, one thing I thought I was never going to do, but knowing that I suffer from back pain it just seemed natural to try anything to stretch the part of my body that hurt the most to the point in which some days even lifting my arms or laying flat was painful.
Last year was a true test, so much happened that I found myself working out less than I would have wanted but enough to gain muscle and get to a point in which I feel happy, comfortable and people start noticing. Almost everytime I see someone I haven't seen in a while I get those comments.
It has been a long, tiring process but I feel so much better now with my body and soul. I like sweating the stress of the day and knowing that not only am I working to reach a goal, but that I'm also getting stronger each day that passes. I can do a lot more than I did at the beginning and I feel proud about it.
An important thing to add and the main reason to talk about this is that each time someone asks me why I did it I feel weird, I didn't do it for a particular reason, there was no heart break, there was no health risk (at that point at least), it was just me trying to feel better about myself. 
That's why I chose to not talk about it, I wanted to keep it to myself so none of the comments people would make affected my motivation or would put me down.
I'll do it again, I love the feeling, I love going for runs to the forest once a week, I love feeling better in the clothes I wear and I like being more flexible to. I did it for myself and I feel proud of the way I've come through. Do it for you, it'll feel better that way.

About three years ago I decided to take a turn for the good and do something for my body. It had been a long time since the last time I had done any type of work out but something inside me told me that this was the right time to change.
Before this I had been a somewhat healthy kid, I would get sick once or twice a year maybe and the only recommendation from my doctor would be to go for a walk to keep me in the right track, which I did for the last year of middle school and first months of high school.
At this time I was happy with my body, I had boobs and a nice butt (according to myself), but I was also starting to lose baby fat which meant I was looking leanear that before and I was happy with that.
Fast forward to my first year in college in which I discovered all the fast food and late diners that did nothing for my metabolism, I gained a lot of weight during those months but brush them off, until I noticed a real change in my body and the way clothes fitted. I had gone up almost two sizes.
Then one day someone thought it was okay to tell me how big I was looking, and I don't know if I was in a particularly bad day or if everything piled on to me but that one comment broke me and that's when I took one of the dumbest decisions I had ever made.
I stopped eating, I would drink a liter of water, eat some candy, or simply eat when I was in front of someone, but throughout the time that I went through this I didn't have a proper meal and of course I lost weight, but I'm paying a high cost for that.
People knew, in case you are wondering, some of my close "friends" knew and didn't say anything or ever attempted to say something and right now I still don't know how I would confront any of them. It hurt to know that they care so little to not say anything.
When I finally started eating again my digestive system was so messed up that I gained all the weight back and put on a few more pounds on. I was feeling like shit when my mum took me to see a doctor, the one that first talked about anxiety and the symptoms.
She gave me a rather strict, but rather nutritious diet that lasted for a solid six months before I started to slowly incorporate fats and junk food back into my diet, I lost a little bit of weight but not doing anything else than eating wasn't doing anything for me.
My weight and diet stayed rather stable during the next year and then college happened...

Moving forward is hard, moving forward when you know there's something keeping you down is even harder, but right now I think I'm starting to find a new balance, a balance that maybe will help me get to that spot again, where I feel safe and without anxiety.
This week I dedicated more time in myself that I have in a long time, I decided to train harder than I have in the past two months while staying on top of those little things I haven't been able to work on because I had simply hadn't found the time, or so I thought.
I'm still recovering from the blood donation, I still feel weak and sometimes I get dizzy but one good thing that came out of that was my water intake raised quite a bit and it has also helped me to feel more happy and my headaches have diminished a lot.
My body is sore in every place imaginable, but I also feel stronger, more confident and happy to be building that resistance and strength that I once had, maybe a little bit more. I have to say that it's true what they say, working out really helps to free your mind from stress, for me it's all about going for hikes or runs to the forest.
Another important thing I've been working on has been my organization skills, I want to be on top of everything and life stress free for a while, maybe for the rest of winter and spring. I've been downloading and putting to the test several printables and using my BuJo a lot more than I have in the past.
It wasn't a long week but I managed to do a lot of the things I've been trying to get done for a while, I worked on the design of this space, made a new doodle, rediscovered my love for design and wrote about something that has been close to my heart for quite a while and hopefully it'll help someone out there figure out what to do.
I hope you have a good one and remember to keep on dreaming.

Reading is an escape from reality, a way for you to escape what's going on in the real world at the comfort of your own home. Books give you relief, consolation, joy and so much more in just a few pages, you get to enjoy the words of the author, but most importantly, you even find lessons in them.

You should never trust one that doesn't love reading, because for them life will be too short, too boring. You get to enjoy one and many lives more by reading and feeling what other characters are living. You get to learn, live and enjoy through those pages.

Through my years of depression and uncontrolled anxiety I became a hostage of those pages, reading, devouring book after book, relaying of what others had to say, what others were living to maybe find some motivation, something that would cure that pain. 

From there they became my best friends, keeping one safe in my bag at all time, saving old ones from the dump, buying some more from other stores. Giving, lending and recommending people every good book I've read, because they deserve to know that there's so much more out there, much more than they can imagine. 

It became my vice, my personal drug, one that made me feel better, that helped me escape different realities that reminded me how strong a person can be when they want to. 

Every once in a while I would leave it, take a rest, live my own life but it doesn't matter how long or how tedious that break would be, every time I would come back finding another amazing story, another amazing book that would bring me back to the days when I would be able to sit and do it all day long. 

Read whatever you want to read, even if it's bad, even if it isn't for everyone. It doesn't matter how much it takes you, a week, a month, but don't put it down, engage with what others are trying to tell you, to show you and enjoy it. 

One day you will thank that person that recommended you that first book that made you fall in love with those printed words and you should do the same for someone else, it will change something in them. 

Mayte.

I'm mad, I've been mad for about a week now and I don't even know where to begin with. There's a lot that hasn't been told and a lot that I need to get out of my system otherwise I'm never going to be able to push through.
Over this past two weeks I've realised that my life needs to change in many aspects, I need to find my balance quickly or I'll find myself losing my head over the smallest things and I'll turn into this bitter girl that thought didn't deserve anything they had.
I've realised that I need to step down from trying to help everyone, mostly my family and it sounds bad because it's going to be a dirty move, but the more I get involved the less they realise how much it hurts me when they prefer other people or when they simply don't take accountability for what they are saying.
I also need to find more time for myself, simply because the less time I spent doing what I love the more I get lost in what others tell me and that isn't right in any way, everyone needs to be able to be by themselves and enjoy their time alone. I used to be so good about this and then everything changed.
My health is also another thing I'm mad at myself for, I used to be such a healthy girl growing up, everything used to be right and suddenly when I started getting bullied for my weight and developed an eating disorder I threw all of that down the drain. In a couple of months I destroyed my gastrointestinal system and my body started to have and iron deficiency.
I've been sick for the past two months, I've been feeling dead tired after donating blood, I cannot drink or eat certain things because they upset my stomach and at this point I'm trying to do everything I can to change it but I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel and it pisses me off.
I also need to be better about being vocal with how I feel without making others feel bad because over the past two weeks I've received news from different friendships that have left me with my mouth wide open and I haven't been able to say what I think out of fear of them taking them bad. It has to stop.
I need to fix my relationship with myself before I can fix it with everyone else. Anger is a really bad feeling to have and it's worse if all of that is directed towards you. It changes the whole game for worst and it shouldn't be like that.

I want to make the most of a new month and seeing that February only has 28 days I better make it good for everyone but especially myself. I'm ready to venture outside of my comfort zone even if it's just for a little bit, without compromising my work or thesis.
Personal:

• Work out more and by more I mean even if it's just two times a week. I've been an utter mess when it comes to finding that motivation. 
• Spend time by myself, it doesn't matter what I do but spending time by myself doing something that I love is going to be amazing for my mental health. 
• Take more photos. I feel like lately I haven't been paying attention to the places I go and taking photos really makes me see more of the beauty that's out there.
• Save money, for real this time. I need to be more careful in what I spend my money on, I have an steady income and half of it disappears in food. 
• Eat healthy, another for real this time, I've been sick for too long and it isn't normal. Eating junk food isn't going to get me anywhere. This also includes drink more water. 
• Use more my BuJo, I enjoy setting it up but I've been crap at keeping up with it, those pages deserve some love.