Here we are again, I've missed a lot of things lately, I could come up with a million excuses when in reality there were a lot of things going on in my head that I cannot explain, plus a really personal and family subject which I won't touch on because of the nature of it and to respect my family's privacy, but now I feel like I'm starting to come to terms with all of it and taking a deep breath.
It's really funny how things work, I was over the moon at the beginning of the week and now I feel really down and not in the mood for anything, it's been a complete mood change and even when I know I haven't been handling it in the best way possible, I'm reacting the best I can.
But back to the beginning, last week was quite short and boring as we got two days off of the week, so my lazy mood was in full swing and instead of doing what I was supposed to do in five days, I did everything in like two days and I just neglected this space and blamed it on my lack of inspiration.
This week started quite the same, I found myself trying to find the silliest excuses not to write or to spend more time on my phone, when in reality I should have been working and pushing my limits a bit more.
Then I decided to take a chance and do something new, which I know it has a really low probability of actually working out, but that also consumed my energy and time as I didn't work as efficiently as I would have been if my mind was fully focused on the task in front of me.
And then something happened, something eye and heart opening that made realise that you only get today, yesterday and tomorrow don't count and you can either keep blaming everything that you don't make happen into someone or something else or you can work for it, even though it's going to be really hard.
One thing that actually made me smile and was completely random was a street musician, I always walk through that part of town on my way to school and that day he was playing as he does every other day (I think, I never seem to understand where he's there), I was making a phone call when I recognised the song, it was "Hey Jude" in the part where they say "don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better...". Even when it was something random, it felt like the universe was telling me that even when it feels like everything is breaking down, it's going to be fine.
One thing that actually made me smile and was completely random was a street musician, I always walk through that part of town on my way to school and that day he was playing as he does every other day (I think, I never seem to understand where he's there), I was making a phone call when I recognised the song, it was "Hey Jude" in the part where they say "don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better...". Even when it was something random, it felt like the universe was telling me that even when it feels like everything is breaking down, it's going to be fine.
That's where I am, I'm pushing myself forward once again. I know that there are going to be really good days and really bad ones, I'm worried for everything that's to come, but I'll try to enjoy more the day to day life and take chances, take opportunities as they come and enjoy the beauty of life as it is today.
If you are recovering too, remember that it will pass, it will get better eventually, just remember to keep on dreaming.
Mayte.
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