Lately, I've been making a lot of changes in my life, from the way I eat, to the way I sit, to how much I work out and move, all of this has brought attention and comments about how happy they are, how much more healthy I look, and even some saying "I'm glad you finally listened what I told you".
To begin with, I've always have to deal with comments about the way I look, the way I eat, the way I move around and live my life, being younger that really got to me, I thought everyone was giving their opinions because they might know something I didn't, and I did everything I could to change they way I was, that brought an eating disorder and really low self esteem.
Then my anxiety kicked in and life got harder, I had a voice inside my head telling me that no matter how much I tried, how much I did, I was never going to be good enough, so I became a perfectionist, everything that came from me had to be perfect and you couldn't expect any less and I was leading a really miserable life.
Through therapy I realised that I was living an unhealthy lifestyle and that if I wanted to change something about me it had to be because of me, because I wanted to do, not because someone else was pushing me into doing it, and it was hard to accept the idea of not being a perfectionist and not being pushed into doing stuff.
About 4 months ago I started to work out again, it started with yoga because I was suffering from back pain that I caused myself, then I got into a bit of cardio, then it escalated to strength because of summer course and all of the things I was doing there, and I really like having that hour or so to myself, I have a chance to take all my frustration through a sweat.
Then I got braces, it had been a long time coming, I knew I needed them but being as self conscious as I was, there was no way I was going to be able to survive with those, but through a lot of work I finally accepted them and now I know, they are not as bad as I thought.
With those two changes, my eating habits also started to change, I figured if I was already working out, why not eat healthy? then with the braces I had to look for soft food, so I started to eat more veggies and fruit, and I really enjoy it.
I've also been working on my organisation, sometimes it sounds like I'm really good at that and time management, when in reality, I can spend 5 hours in bed reading and leaving my responsibilities out of the window, but I've been working my way through my to-do lists and it feels good to not have as much left at the end of the week and have time to relax.
The last thing I realised changed in me was my capability of taking chances, I want to do more, feel more and be more adventurous, sometimes I bury my head in work and I forget to live my life, I forget that I'm only 21 years old with time and opportunities to live.
What I'm trying to say is that, all of this has been because of me, because I wanted to become the best version of myself and not listen to what others have to say, I'm glad others are happy because of this, but that doesn't mean I did it for them, and I think that's one of the main reasons of why I enjoy it so much, because I took the decision.
If you are still reading, I want to tell you not to listen critics from others, you do you, be the best you can be and do it for you, it will make you feel so much better about it and if anything fails, well, you can always try again.
Mayte
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