My life is not perfect, this past week I've cried, I've ran away, I've had panic attacks, and it's not something nice I like to share with everyone because let's be honest, we just like to share the good things in life and how happy we are in a life, even if it's not real.
I can't talk about why I'm feeling like this out of respect for my family, no we are not falling apart, no we are not having big problems, we are fighting and passing a bump, but sometimes that bump is bigger and harder to pass that you ever thought and it's not like you can just stay there, you just have to fight and keep going through, that's what life is about.
And sometimes I found it hilarious how people like to think my life is perfect, even some of my family members, even some of my "friends" liked to say that, and that's not my reality, I do work, I do go to college, I force myself into a lot of things, I still suffer from a mental illness, I still suffer anxiety, and sometimes it all gets too much.
I'm not blaming it into anyone, I know that sometimes life happens and you can't control it, you can try and lead a really happy life, but it's not going to be real.
This is one of those times when I know I should let everything go, I know I should cry my pain out, but a part of me really wants to control it because I don't know if I'll be able to control it, but it still hurts, I feel it inside.
And today was my breaking point, I've been working so much, putting so much pressure in myself and it has been going great, I've loved the results, I love everything I've been doing, yet, today I'm questioning everything, I don't feel inspired, I feel broken on the inside and everything that comes out of me shows that pain and it's hard because that's not exactly what I want to show.
I've gotten to the point were as excited as I was to go on a trip, I now want to cancel everything, but I don't want to stay at home either because I know it will make it worse, I'm lost, I feel lost, I don't know where to go, what to do, I know it's going to have a solution, but right now, I just want this bump to pass.