This is going to be an interesting one, I like to think I have a normal life, until something happens and that idea is out of the window, I learned that not only I don't have a normal life, my friends are not as normal as I thought.

The October Project was amazing, a really good one, I went through it and didn't fail, although the story didn't went as planned, I'm still writing and figuring out where I want to go with it, I get all of this ideas but none of them seem to work, or if they do, I don't like thee way I handle it.
Anyway, I'm glad to be writing back, it's been quite a week, I don't remember if I post about it, but about three weeks ago we had a family emergency, which is not something fun to go through, now we are supporting each other and doing the best we can to stick together, because that's what family does, sticks together even if times are hard.
Those three days in which we stayed moving and helping were like my worst nightmare, my anxiety was the worst it has been for months, my tummy was not in a good place either, my mind was going a mile per hour, everything was going in slow motion, I actually made an emergency call to "Stranger" one of those nights, he really calmed me a lot.
And from there life took a lot to settle down, I feel like it's still doing it, I had no problem being productive after that, no matter how tired I was, I knew I had to keep going for the sake of everything to work, and I stayed in that mindset, I would work and work, none stop.
But a week ago I saw "Chef", I haven't seen her in what seemed forever, before her trip and summer course, it was really nice to let months of things go, I never think I need that kind of talk until I have it, and then my parents and I took a day off, we went to a small city, we swam, we walked through the streets, we had an amazing meal and we headed to the spa.
From there, my body said no, I wasn't having any workouts, I would start and then I would feel really tired, I couldn't work, I actually fell asleep on one of my classes, I guess after that weekend my body was trying to tell me something, I needed to take a break, and I sort of did, I took a really nice nap, drank some delicious soup and felt so much better.
I started to pick up my week on Wednesday, so I had a lot pilled up, but it was my fault, I manned it up and now here I am writing this, happy to be back, trying to fix the world, working on my anxiety, giving the best I can, because as much as I would want to stay in bed mopping around because my life is "really bad" and my family is going through a bump, I know that's not going to do anything good for me or them.
I wanted to end this on a good note, I'm better, some days are plain bad, I can't bare to face the world, but some others like today are really good, brings light back to my life, you just gotta keep on getting up, even when life is hard, you've just gotta keep on fighting.
With nothing else to say, I hope you have a great week and remember to keep on dreaming.

A long time ago, when I started battling anxiety and overcoming really heavy personal problems, I lost my ability to dream, I was emptied out. There was nothing I felt passionate about, I chose my major out of comfort, my life was in a spiral going down and I didn't know how to move on, let alone, keep on dreaming.
I went through months in which I didn't know where to go, my mind was a mess and I was moving through my life in automatic pilot.Every decision I made was with the help of someone else, all I could feel was pain. Panic attacks became recurrent and the only place I found to be safe was my bed at night.
It took about a year, a lot of help and therapy for me to start feeling again and actually leave the comfort of my bed. I was lucky enough to find some people that supported me through the whole process and pushed me forward. I took a lot of baby steps, all I could feel was pain at the beginning.
As I started to go out a lot more, people started to ask what my plan was, what I wanted to do later in my life and all I could do was panic, because it had been such a long time since the last time I thought in any of that. I was still learning on how to live the day-to-day life and I couldn’t dare to think on the future.
I tried to do a lot of things, my mind started going 100 miles an hour, because I thought I needed to have everything figured out, I thought everyone did. What made it a tiny bit worst were my friends, because talking with them I realised that they were starting to realise where their heart was, what they wanted to do, where their lives were headed. They started to work to get there, and then, there was me, with nothing but a heavy past and a messy mind.
I started to do a lot of research, I talked with people to see why they chose their career and what made them chose that life path. I got mixed answers most of the time, but one thing they all agreed was that they tried different things and at the end they did something that changed them, that made them realise what they wanted to do in their life.
I didn't realise I had already found mine a long time ago, I never paid attention, until this past summer when working on summer course opened my eyes. After working on different areas, some related with my major, with administration and even working with charities (which I'm still considering) nothing felt right as working with kids did. Nothing really fulfilled me like this job did, I would go to work with a smile everyday, no matter how tired I was.
It was an eye opening experience, one I was going to turn down out of fear. It had been such a long time since I had worked in something new that I didn’t know what to expect. But now, I’m really happy I took a chance and did it.
Now, three years later, after a lot of therapy, a lot of talking, a lot of hitting and missing. I'm starting to figure out what I want to do next, I'm not quite sure on what it's going to happen, I still try to live one day at the time and not worry about my past, but also, don't let my future pressure me. The only day you can work on yourself it’s today.

Lately, I've been making a lot of changes in my life, from the way I eat, to the way I sit, to how much I work out and move, all of this has brought attention and comments about how happy they are, how much more healthy I look, and even some saying "I'm glad you finally listened what I told you".

Autumn is one of my favourite seasons, for many reasons, one being because I was born in October, the other one being that I love the weather change, I love cuddling in bed with a good book and becoming a burrito for the duration of the cold days, that's why I read the bulk of my reading list during this time of the year, so I always have good finds, here are five that have become my new favourite.
Maybe Someday by Colleen Hoover, you'll see a few books from this author, she became one of my favourite since book one, which was this one, it's not about the perfect couple, it's about couple problems that are more relatable than others, it's more realistic and that made me enjoy it a lot more.
Sincerely, Carter by Whitney G., this was a pleasant surprise in my recommendations list, I never heard of it,but it had amazing reviews, it was quite a light reading, with a lot of turns and a lot of moments where I wanted to throw the book at the characters, but I never thought of putting it down and that's always a good sign, this book is more about the perfect couple.
Me before you by Jojo Moyes, it had to make it's appearance, I read this one back in the summer months and I found myself cuddling under a blanket and crying like a baby, I liked it a lot, it's a good book for those who love Romeo and Juliet inspired novels.
Friend Zoned by Belle Aurora, another pleasant surprise, I didn't think too much about the book, I thought it was just another love story, which it is, but it has a really nice touch of comedy that made me love every moment of this book, the characters are hilarious and the way the manage the situations is relatable, for me this one was a win.
Wasted Words by Staci Hart, I saw this book everywhere when I decided to read it, it was long and in some part tedious but I can see what everyone saw in it, it truly is one of those books you connect with, we've all been there and done that, it was a good book to enjoy on a rainy day when all you can do is stay in bed.

The day I went I actually took a bunch of work and homework I needed to catch up on with and I founded amazingly easy to focus and I got everything done in a blink of an eye.
I loved this place, this is one of my favourite stops I've gone too, it involves a lot of things that I love; even when it's not close to my house, I'm sure I'll be going more and more when I need to escape the craziness that the city tends to be sometimes.

Everyone fights with their parents, it's a fact of life, something that happens even when you get along with them.
As we grow up and start making new friendships and meeting new people, we start to expand our knowledge and we start to think that we know everything about life, that our parents don't know anything about being young because for them it was so long and life changes.
I was that rebellious teenager that thought I had everything figured out, by the time I was 16 I thought my life was perfect, I had a big group of friends, I was getting invited to the hottest parties in the city, everyone wanted to get along with me and if they didn't, that was their problem not mine, my ego was huge at that time.
But then everything started to go down, I lost all of those things I thought I had, my parents stopped supporting me, those that I called "friends" left me at the first sight of trouble and I was left alone dealing with my problems, my recently discovered anxiety and trying to pick up the pieces of my life, because I needed to graduate.
I was so close to breaking the relationship with them, there was a point where my mum and I wouldn't talk at all, we were strangers living under the same roof, my dad became a referee between the two of us and let me tell you, that's not a good way of living.
It took me awhile to understand that maybe they were right, I didn't knew everything and that was okay, because at the end I'm still learning.
They let me fall, hit the ground and realise how much disappointments hurt, that not everyone is going to be your friend, but most importantly, that even when you fall and it hurts, you have to get up and keep going.
I appreciate them a lot more now, it took a few months for our relationship to go back to normal, but it was worthy, I now understand where they come from and why they tell me what they tell me, I'm not always right and they are not always right, but we are learning and that's what counts.

Last week I wrote a post about bad days, while writing it, I was sobbing, I felt lost and broken, something inside me didn't felt right, I could feel a weight on my chest, I wouldn't sleep well, I wouldn't eat well, I lived those days and didn't even noticed them.
My mind was in this state of pure misery and there was a point where I was starting to give up, I was tired and hopeless and to make it worst, I had to face a really nasty family emergency that lasted all weekend and it involved a lot of stress and anxiety, to the point where I was considering telling my mum that I couldn't do it, my heart was beating to fast, my chest ached, I was not okay.
Monday of that week was hell, my mind was not in anything that I was doing, I was really sleepy, I had no strength to face any problems, so when a confrontation came I broke down, I started crying like a little kid, I was so vulnerable that anything would hurt me.
The worst part was that my birthday was coming up that wednesday and I didn't wanted it to happen, I didn't wanted to spend another birthday crying, I wanted to be in peace and enjoy it my way.
When Wednesday came around I made myself a promise, I wasn't going to plan anything, I would do what I felt like doing, that day, I felt like eating something nice and reading a book while sipping a Chai latte, I turned my phone off for the morning, and I found my flow, by lunchtime I was a lot more calmer.
I actually had an amazing birthday with messages from my loved ones and the company of my parents, which I learned to value a lot more, I did everything I wanted to do, I didn't wanted a big party, I wanted to relax, do something nice and be in peace.
I learned that sometimes things happen and you can't control them, but it's up to you the way you manage them, it's way easier to fall and not get up, but it takes a true fighter to get up and keep fighting against anything that comes your way, it'll take a lot of work to get there, but it's worthy, there will always be calm after the storm and it's worth waiting for it.

Half of the things I love doing involve music, every time I go out somewhere I would be listening to music, every time I work on something I have music, there are very little exceptions in which I won't have my earphones with me, or any music playing on the background.
My taste goes from pop, to indie, to rock, to some 70's and 80's classics, to more slow music to relax me, it all depends on the mood I'm on, and the way I want to feel, music controls how I work, how I feel and how I'm going to feel, that's why it's so important for me.
For me to be able to pick new music, I have to listen to the song at least 3 times in order to know if I'm going to like it or not, there are no short cuts on this or I won't listen to that song, here are 10 songs that made the cut:

1. What About Me? Isac Elliot
2. You & Me (feat G-Eazy)- Marc E. Bassy
3. Wasted Youth- Fletcher
4. This Town- Niall Horan
5. Last Train To Clarksville- Woodlock
6. Sweet Dreamer -Will Joseph Cook
7. Guilty- Chris Jamison
8. Romantic- Stanaj
9. Are you Ready?- Prides
10. Mad Behaviour- Izzy Bizu

I opened the letter earlier, I forgot that I didn't do one for my birthday, which was a weird mistake, anyway, you are an amazing writer, and you are so right in so many things you said in that letter that I don't even know where to being.
It's true, a lot has happened in this past year, you've been having amazing opportunities and you've showed people that your work is just as good as anyone else, you haven't been carrying any of your parents names, just yours and it's been feeling really good.
You've opened your heart a lot more to new people, you've let wrong people in but quickly turned before everything went downhill, you are still scared of what might happen if you hurt again, but you are not as scared anymore. Remember to keep your friends and your loved ones close to you, they are the ones that give you strength and confidence to keep moving forward and sometimes they need you too, so stop and listen to them.
Your life seems to be getting more and more crazy every day that goes by, you have to remember that doesn't matter how much you have going on, you will always have time for a break, the world won't come crumbling down if you disappear for 2 hours or a day.
One thing you've been lacking a lot has been adventure, I know you miss those days where you could do whatever you wanted and don't worry about anything that may happen, you have a lot more responsibilities now, but that doesn't mean that you can't have fun from time to time, remember to go out and be spontaneous every once in awhile.
Trust in your talents, sometimes you can be good at somethings, yet you are scared of not being good enough, don't be, the more you do it, the better you are going to be at it, come out of your comfort zone and do it, what's the worst thing that could happen? If it doesn't go right, laugh, but don't punish yourself.
Now that you know what you are capable off, it's time to keep going, don't let anyone stop you, don't let anyone tell you that you are not good enough, because you are, and if you aren't, you can learn and keep trying, it's time to make something big on your own, remember how big your dreams are and how much you want to accomplish them.
Remember to keep on dreaming.

Last year I did something similar where I shared lessons I've learned through that year and it was really fun to sit down and reflect in all the things I've lived and the lessons I've taken out of them, some have been fun, some have a lot of pain behind them.
You are only this young once, enjoy it, this one was one of the first ones that hit me, I've only going to be 20 years one time in my life, there's a lot of things I still want to do and I won't be able to do them if I stay in my bed seeing other people do them.
Be spontaneous, when people think they have you figured out, change, but it's always nice to find a balance in your life, that way you can get the best of both worlds and you won't stop pursuing your dreams and you'll have fun and amazing adventures.
Your health is the most important thing, when planning something new or working on a new project we give everything but we forget that if we don't take care of ourselves we won't have the energy to do it, you only get one body, take care of it, work out, it helps you balance your mind when it's feeling overwhelmed. 
Don't be afraid of new things, new opportunities and experiences always seem scary at first, but it isn't until you actually go out and do it, that you understand how fun it was, say yes more, you only get amazing opportunities once.
Learn to say no, not everything is going to be good for you, don't let anyone pressure you into anything, you are capable of making your own decisions, you are the only one that knows what's going on in your life.
Friends come in all shapes and forms, and that's what makes them special, don't look out for people with the same taste as you, it will be boring, look for people that can make you grow and try something that they may like too, you'll be surprised of how many new things you'll be trying just by listening to them.
Don't be afraid of food, eat until you are satisfied, find a balance, eat healthy, but never be afraid of food, don't see food as calories, and if you are going to change something in your body do it for yourself, you are your toughest judge. 
Sometimes it's nice to take time off, when things get too much, go out, let your mind wander free and don't worry because everything has a solution, you just have to let things be, if it's meant to be, it's going to happen, if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be for you. 
Learn to love and cry when needed, don't cage your emotions, let them take control, the more you try to control them, the colder you are going to become, remember that you are only human, you feel pain and happiness, don't let those moments slip away, being vulnerable is not a bad thing. 
Work on yourself, work on your posture, workout, be the best version of yourself you can be, make yourself proud before making others proud, feel good in your skin, feel confident every time you enter a room and don't let anyone make you less.
The last one is the most important one for me, keep the ones you love the most, close to you, sometimes we let life take over and we forget about even texting them, it takes a second, don't let any people you love out of your life, they are the ones that are going to make you better and brighter, if they love you they are going to support you and help you through bad times and you should do the same for them.
I feel like there's a lot more I could talk about, it's been a good year, but I know I still have a lot more to go, this time unlike any other years, I'm happy to face everything that life has to offer, I want to make the most of this and be more adventurous, thinking outside of the box is something fun that I don't do enough, we'll see how everything looks next year.

It's been rough isn't it? You still haven't figured out who you are and you gave to choose a mayor to go into. Everyone has high hopes on you, most of your family are finally trusting in you again, just like you wanted remember?
You've been working a lot, you've been fighting a lot too, that's not like you, you know better than that, maybe you should listen to your friends and keep going with your life, leave all that pain and experiences behind, they are bringing no good.
Don't forget about the people that have been by your side, they matter too, sometimes you tend to be a little over the top and let you bad mood take over your mind, they should pay it, you are too harsh with them at times.
Also, take care of yourself, I know that all the boys around you die to get in your pants, but you are going to regret so much not eating healthier, that bad habit of overeating, and eating your problems is not going to help at all, remember that your body is always first.
The most important thing I want to tell you is that no matter how hard the situation is, how bad the moment seems, you are stranger than you think and you are going to be able to fight through all of that, it's going to hurt for a long time and it'll leave scars but you are going to learn so much from all of this.
Don't give up, don't lose your dreams, you are a fighter and you are going to get through all of this.

My life is not perfect, this past week I've cried, I've ran away, I've had panic attacks, and it's not something nice I like to share with everyone because let's be honest, we just like to share the good things in life and how happy we are in a life, even if it's not real.
I can't talk about why I'm feeling like this out of respect for my family, no we are not falling apart, no we are not having big problems, we are fighting and passing a bump, but sometimes that bump is bigger and harder to pass that you ever thought and it's not like you can just stay there, you just have to fight and keep going through, that's what life is about.
And sometimes I found it hilarious how people like to think my life is perfect, even some of my family members, even some of my "friends" liked to say that, and that's not my reality, I do work, I do go to college, I force myself into a lot of things, I still suffer from a mental illness, I still suffer anxiety, and sometimes it all gets too much.
I'm not blaming it into anyone, I know that sometimes life happens and you can't control it, you can try and lead a really happy life, but it's not going to be real.
This is one of those times when I know I should let everything go, I know I should cry my pain out, but a part of me really wants to control it because I don't know if I'll be able to control it, but it still hurts, I feel it inside.
And today was my breaking point, I've been working so much, putting so much pressure in myself and it has been going great, I've loved the results, I love everything I've been doing, yet, today I'm questioning everything, I don't feel inspired, I feel broken on the inside and everything that comes out of me shows that pain and it's hard because that's not exactly what I want to show.
I've gotten to the point were as excited as I was to go on a trip, I now want to cancel everything, but I don't want to stay at home either because I know it will make it worse, I'm lost, I feel lost, I don't know where to go, what to do, I know it's going to have a solution, but right now, I just want this bump to pass.

Living in a big city you don't get many times to stop, everything is about work and time, everyone seems to be in a rush to get somewhere, every place you turn seems to be filled with people, and even though that's one of the things that makes me love this city, it also can be quite overwhelming.

Over the years I've lost a lot of people, sometimes over little things such as not having the same taste in something, sometimes over big arguments, fights and huge disappointments.
I remember being around 15 and telling my mum that everyone that used to hang with me were my friends, because for me they were, they would spend most of their free time with me, I would trust them and talk to them about everything, but she told me that no matter how much they would be around me, I needed to start recognising who was my real friend.
Of course me being a 15 year old, I didn't listened to her, I thought she was crazy, so I continued going, thinking everyone that was lovely around me and wearing my heart on my sleeve, which called for a lot of disappointment over the next few years.
The cold reality hit me months after that talk with my mum, after going through a really bad moment in my life and realising that maybe I was getting along with the wrong people, I came to the conclusion that my mum was right, more than half of them were with me because of what I could give them, not because of me.
It was a hard shock for me, it took a while to let that sink in and tell my mum she was right, I actually remember calling her and telling her about my problems and then my voice just cracked, I handed the phone to a friend and broke down right there, in the middle of school.
Unfortunately through this process I also managed to push away people that really cared about me, most of them were not comfortable with those friendships and at the time, I didn't understood, of course now I get it and it makes a little sad to know that I put people that didn't matter before them.
If I could say something to my 15 year old self would be to be more selective and not wear her heart on her sleeve, follow your gut and remember that not everyone is going to be your friend.

If I haven't made it clear enough, October is one of my favourite months, not only because of my birthday or the birthday blog, but because it means a full month of amazing weather, amazing views, amazing moon and amazing things.
I always try to do something exciting in this month, through the years I've been lucky enough to have amazing birthdays with the company of family and friends, some have been bigger than others, but that doesn't make them less exciting.
This month I really want to focus on being happy and doing more of what I love, not leaving my work on the side, I feel like after a good month at home, I'm ready for something new and exciting. I've already thought of a lot of things that I can do during this time, but we'll see how many go through.
Personal Goals.

• Eat clean
• Keep up with my workout schedule
• Save money
• Be productive
• Write more
• Do at least one thing of my bucket list/ Have an adventure.

October is one of my favourite months, the leaves start to turn beautiful colors, the weather starts to cool off, it's my birthday month, but it's also the blog second birthday and we have to celebrate that.
When thinking how to commemorate this two amazing dates, I was bombarded with a lot of ideas, from sharing more stories with you, to doing more PDs, to sharing my passion, or my life lessons too, I was having a hard time deciding which way to go, then out of nowhere I had this realisation that maybe I was able to do all of those, because I was the writing mind behind this project.
It's taken a lot of time, a lot of work and a lot of headaches to get here, I've been learning a lot in this two years that I've been writing and it's always something nice to remember and it's the perfect excuse to share more with all of you.
Within this project, I'm also going to be sharing another project that has been in the over for a while, I'm really excited about that one, I got to work with my friends and go to new place, I cannot think of anything better to be working on.
This is going to be a long but fun month, there's a lot of things I've been wanting to share but haven't had the opportunity to do it, until now, I hope you enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying doing it, it's one of those things that when I started to do it, I didn't knew if it was going to be possible, but the more I worked in it, the easiest it became and the more excited I felt.
From here 'till the end of the month, I'll have something new going up every other day (odd days) and I also been writing a story that's going to be going up every other day beginning tomorrow (even days), I'm really happy with the result of everything and I hope you like it as much as I do.