The more I think on how I should approach the subject with people, the more it hurts me. Life has been tough lately and even when that seemed to be my go to line a few years ago. I didn't know it was going to get this kind of tough this quickly. 

A year ago my father was diagnosed with cancer, today, every doctor we've consulted has told us he's terminal and options are slim and only getting slimmer. There's nothing more we can do to help him and it's probably one of the most heart-wrenching, frustrating process I ever had to go through.

We, as a family, have gone through the pain of having to lose him sooner than anyone would expect. He was such a strong man through all of his life that seeing him go through this and not being able to help him has broken me in many, many ways. Suddenly the idea of him welcoming when I come through the door is no longer viable and that sucks. 

I've done my fair share of crying alone this past week, Everyone keeps reminding me I need to be the tough one, the one supporting my mother and keeping us together but as days go by, I feel my soul getting weaker and weaker. The pain is starting to settle in and I'm scared it'll only keep growing from here up on. 

It may not make sense for a lot of people but my father was the most amazing person anyone could've ever come across. He had friends everywhere he went, had the ability to talk with anyone and make them feel interested on anything. He was such a warm person that you couldn't help but feel drawn to him. 

He was my guide, he would put me back into my place when needed but was also the most loving parent I could've ever asked for. He made me an engineer to break stigma about women not being capable enough for tough jobs, he taught me most of what I know and for that I'll be forever grateful. He raised a girl that could use a sledgehammer. 

He never smoked, drank more than two beers or did something questionable, yet, the most asked question throughout this process has been "why him?". There's no answer to that, just even more questions about it.

There's one thing I do know for sure, his memory will live by. Not only through me, but the way he touched other people's lives will make him memorable. Through good and through bad my father was there for anyone that needed it and now it's time to let him rest and make him proud once and for all. 

Mayte.