Through the past two months I've been fighting a battle with an old enemy, my anxiety.

When it came back I thought I could still handle it, using old tricks that once worked for me. Those tricks didn't work, if anything they made it worse not only for me but for people around me too. Once again I was a lost puppy with a bad mentality and a worse understanding of emotions than before. 

I hurt my loved ones trying to overcome something I didn't really understand fully. One night in the middle of April I lost it, something inside me broke and emotions overcame me. I couldn't handle it and for the next day and a half I calmed myself, called someone I knew could help me and started up again. 

It took me over two months to understand where all of this was coming from, why suddenly my anxiety flared up, why I was losing a battle with myself even when, for years, I'd been better and functional. Everything I knew came crumbling down and once again I needed to decided whether I wanted to come on top or simply give up. 

This time there was more at stake. Where as before I was single, with few friends and basically no responsibilities to care for, now I had a full time job, a serious relationship, friends that needed my support, my parents that were also going through pain on their own. I needed to buckle up or lose everything around me.

So, although it may seem like a small amount of time, I started to fight those demons back, to confront that side of me that I kept from everyone. It's been a journey of self discovery, of learning something new, learning from those "healed wounds".

There will be changes but I'm not going back to my old ways, those have shown to only work when I have time, energy and the willingness to stick to quite an strict schedule. I'm becoming more myself, working on my mental health and documenting it once again, because at 25 I'm learning how to love again and be more like myself. 

I just have to remember to keep on dreaming. 

Mayte.