I've gone to therapy religiously for about 5 years, sometimes regarding my anxiety and depression, others for my eating disorder and each time I've relapsed we tried something new. This time around, we are trying a new therapist all together. It's a big change, but when I had my last breakdown a lot of things cleared up.
My life seems to consist of a series of unfortunate events. Lately, I feel like I've gone through all the possible changes one can go through but in all the mess, I've had to keep up with my life and see the positive side, there was never time to stop and let myself mourn.

When my grandma passed I had to be at work the very next day, there was no stopping and no considerations from my boss, so I did what everyone tells you to do. I took deep breaths and immersed myself into a lot of work, hoping that maybe at some point all of it was going to stop, but it's been over a year and it hasn't stopped. 

When my dad was handed his diagnosis I took that day out of work and went with them, I found out everything before everyone else but hid it. The doctor talked about a million options, suddenly my dad wasn't my dad, he became a study case and a part of a growing statistic in men. There was no time to mourn, he had to go into treatment immediately and I had to go back to work.

Everything was a mess, not only did I lose my grandma, but my dad was dealing with one of the most challenging things a person can go through. My relationship with my mum suffered quite a bit, my relationship in general did too and my friends became hyper aware of what I was doing because there was no denying that I wasn't dealing with everything in a healthy way. 

Now I'm becoming more aware of what's happening and learning to let go of the idea that everything is going to back to being the way it used to be, because it isn't. Everything changes and evolves and you either learn from it or give up on it. 

This is one of those moments where life shows you that you can't stay still, you have to keep moving and learning from everything that happens.