I've had this blog for five years, writing on and off about my life and how I've managed to control my anxiety and feel like a functional part of our society while studying for my degree. That was back then, now I'm at a completely different place and I'm trying to see where everything went wrong and how I can move on from there.
In the past two years life has tested my abilities to the max, from losing a childhood friend, to having to take care of my grandma, to a broken heart, to my dad's cancer diagnosis. It all started breaking my walls, and my system broke down. I was no longer the woman that had everything under control, she was long gone.
There was so much that needed to change, but so little I wanted to work on that for a long while I resisted. I was so opposed to the idea of working myself back up again that I stayed in this limbo where I was no longer myself, I would adjust to the idea everyone had and go with what they said, because let's face it, letting someone else choose your destiny is way easier.
But something changed, my dad's treatment took a turn and for a week he had to be hooked up to an IV. He was so discouraged by this that he broke down in tears and asked me to finish my masters and find my roots. His worry changed something or made click. I'm young, I have enough time to do my thing and try new stuff, so why wait up, why let others decide my destiny when I'm capable of doing what I want.
So, this is my way of starting a new stage in life. I wish I knew where I was, or at least where to start, but I don't and that's part of the "new" plan. Figuring out where I am and how to make it even better. Who knows I may even be able to make it better for everyone else around me too.
Welcome back and I hope you enjoy accompanying me in this new ride.
Mayte.
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