Reaching balance has always been my main goal, I've always wanted to be able to work, have social life and time for myself. When you think about it, it isn't as easy, you have to juggle all this responsibilities and sometimes it means having to go to bed a little later or having to wake up really early.
For a while I thought I had it all figured out, I was living "my best life", looking back I was just fooling myself, not only was I neglecting my social life, I was also living inside this bubble where nothing changed, I would plan my day, go out, come back and do homework without anything interfering.
Now I have a lot more responsibilities, a lot more plans and an improved look in life. I don't want to be the one that stays home doing homework all day, I don't want to be the one that spends half of her morning at the gym and most certainly I don't want to be the one spending most of her day working. I want to be able to have the best of three worlds.
I'm aware, it sounds like one of those crazy dreams and like something that could break me in the near future. But the more I grow up, the more I realise all the opportunities I lost by staying at home at the peak of my depression. It wasn't my fault, I just wished I would've asked for help sooner, now I know that sometimes we are meant to go through this but I still regret what I didn't do there.
My life right now seems like the biggest mess, my mum seems to be a little worried about my ability to balance everything but I feel in peace with so many aspects of my life that I can't help but think what would happen if I took this effort and worked more on what I want to accomplish. Somehow it feels like the right thing to do.
I'm growing slowly but surely and I'm putting myself out there in so many ways that I didn't expect that I'm almost excited, a little terrified too but that's what comes with it, and one thing I've been learning is that sometimes you need to put yourself out there in order to learn, in order to experience something real, something that's worthy.
I might have a breakdown later, it might not be all as easy as I'm saying, all I have is a bunch of questions and I'm happy with that. Maybe all I needed was a little extra push to be and do better.
We'll see how it goes and we'll see what I figure out about this space because it sure has to evolve with me, we just have to keep on dreaming.