I once read that the moment you become your job, you start to lose your creativity, you become someone you swore you'd never be. This week I feel like that, I can sense how I'm starting to lose a little bit of myself and my life is starting to revolve around my office, instead of the other way around.
Let me start by saying that this job is temporary, I won't be there more than a few months. I knew that going in, yesterday I found out that I might be overstaying this job. I was supposed to be done by April but as things are going, I may have to stay until the middle of April or even May.
Don't get me wrong, I love everything that I've been doing, the extra money has been amazing and I've been learning quite a bit. I still have time to do my school work and sometimes even hang out with some of my friends, which let's be honest, doesn't happen often. But I miss my freedom, being a full time student gives me enough time to even take naps and now I'm lucky if I can work out in the evening.
Knowing that I may have to spend an extra month there was quite the hit, I wasn't expecting it and my boss isn't happy either. Being an assistant isn't my ideal job even when I do enjoy it a lot, it's the perfect escape to my obsessive behaviour and I have a lot of free time during my time in there.
I think that the main problem is that I'm trying to juggle everything and I haven't been able to have some time for myself. Everyday there's someone in my home, taking care of my grandma, doing school work, writing or even going out. I haven't had the time to do what I do, what I love and not get distracted by something, someone else needs.
Going in I had this perfect plan of how everything was going to go, I was going to be so organised and post almost every single day, but now I know that if I was ever going to do that, I would be exhausted all the time and if anything, I prefer to have a good night of sleep and work couple of hours on a Saturday than have a bad night every single week day. I can't work like that.
While I do think that I've been slacking, I also know that I'm in a place in which I can say that even when I don't have time to do everything I've been working out at least three days a week, eating home at least 4 days a week, sleeping 7+ hours at night and spending enough time with my family for me to feel happy.
My grandma has been getting better too, it's one of those things that I know can bring me down quite quickly, but seeing her calm and in good spirits changes all the energy at home. She's about to turn 95 and even when it's bitter sweet, I can't help but feel hopeful about her and the next days, months or years. People recommend thanatology but I can't go that rute yet, even thinking about it makes tear up.
I feel like there's so much to say about all that's been going on but this is long enough for now and we will be catching up in the next few days, once I find my rhythm or I force myself again, who knows, only time will tell. There's so much more to do and so little time.