I think a lot, we all know that, but most of the time I don't really say a lot, I take everything and keep it until everything becomes too much, that's when I explode and become a mess. Right now, I'm nearing that place quite quickly, when I accepted this job, I didn't really know what I was getting myself into.
And now there's a lot I want to talk about but don't know where to start or how to continue, I feel like this blog has been so neglected and like I need to reintroduce me and explain how my life is going and what I'm doing right now. Maybe with that we can start fresh?
When I first started this space, I was in a really dark place. I was understanding what anxiety meant and dealing with depression, leaving my house was something I couldn't really do much but when it did happen, I was miserable, I couldn't bare to have anyone come near me without freaking out.
Going to school became hard and something I would avoid if I had the chance. My days where spent in bed, taking naps, eating my anxiety away or simply doing nothing. Therapy wasn't really helping me and the suicide thoughts creeped back in.
It all became too much, my mere existence became something I couldn't really handle and the only exit I could see was killing myself, letting go of everything and maybe taking one weight off of everyone else's shoulders. I'm glad someone saved me before it was too late, that someone gave me a second chance I didn't know I wanted until later.
It took months for me to come to terms, to understand why it was so important for me to take a real step towards recovery. I changed therapist and found someone that listened to what I was saying and made suggestions I could really get on board with like staring a blog, like spending time by myself, like trying to embrace who I really was.
That's when the real change started, I found in yoga and healthy eating a new joy. It gave me all I wanted, all I needed and for the next two years I started trying new things, finding new hobbies, going out more and dedicating at least two hours a day to myself, either working out, reading or going on a walk by myself.
My life turned around and I found myself feeling like I could really do this, I could see the end of the tunnel and I wasn't scared of the future or anything that may come with it.