We've come through the main pain of last month but what about everything else? What about all of the little things that pilled up and made my head spin? There's more to the story than what we see and this time I felt like I wasn't strong enough for it.
I've been very outspoken with my family's situation for a long time, my grandma suffers demencia, a mental illness that has no cure, it''s one of those things that they have to live with and no matter how far medicine has come, there's no way of treating the ageing of the mind.
I've been losing little by little the person I grew up with, I've seen her forget the day, lose mobility and suffer from mood changes, all at once. The deterioration of her mind has been going faster than anticipated and that can really cause all the people involved a lot of stress, joined to that is the fact that she suffer from anxiety, anything can set it off and she can even have panic attacks over the little things.
June was hard for both of us, me dealing with everything and her having her anxiety levels high up. The more I thought about it, the more it became apparent that you can only do so much for someone in her condition and I finally understood why everyone told me to also do my thing, to not centre my life around one thing. As much as it hurts I have to keep going, doing my own thing, without leaving her alone.
Half way through the month someone sent me a sign of good luck and all of my worries around her banished, at least for a month. They took a weight of off my shoulders and I could even see her relax of everything that had been going on. Changes are good and making the right decision was hard this time.
As I said before, all of this has been the tip of the iceberg, there has been so much going on but there are certain topics I would want to touch on and go more into detail because my anxiety has been coming and going a lot, my relationship with food has faced a slump once again and even in my work environment I've been having trouble settling in.
I want to share this stories to let you know that you are not alone, if you are going through something similar, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and you should always fight to get there, it will all be worthy at the end. Remember to keep on dreaming.