There's so much to say and so little time, sometimes I wish I could stop and enjoy the view, but I know that the more grow, the faster time goes. There's no stopping, we can fall, we can pause, but we have to keep fighting to get to that place.
That thing that I just wrote, took me about two weeks to fully understand, I've been in a weird state lately, sometimes I feel really motivated to do what's on my to-do list and others I feel like nothing is worthy, like I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing, others I feel like all of that work may go to sh*t if I don't push myself a bit harder.
My head has been spinning around with unanswered questions and predicaments that, to be completely honest, have been making me almost reconsider every step that I've ever taken to be in the place that I'm right now, it's like the world has been spinning but without me, this two weeks I've been standing still, watching what others do.
Although I indeed had a lot of work going on, I would only push myself into doing it after a nap, or some sort of sh*tty motivational speech that I like to give myself from time to time, but nothing has been working on the long run, I found myself lost in ideas and projects, not really knowing where to go.
And then there are the good moments in which I allow myself to laugh, to not worry about anything that has been going on in my life, those are the moments in which I let my mind wonder and come up with something new, something I haven't done, some crazy ideas, but then again, as much as I would want them to last longer, they come and go.
My routine has been going back to normal, with days filled with work and pain, sweat and guilty pleasure, but even with that I don't feel like I'm balanced enough, nothing feels good enough for me to say that I'm fulfilled, that I'm happy and willing to shout to the world, but even in this moments my friends have been by my side, keeping me sane and giving me breaks, even if they don't know it.
There's one thing I would like to add, unlike any other time, I can't help but to feel happy for someone that was in my life, he's happy, he seems more complete now, I still miss him sometimes, but there was so much he needs to do, that I couldn't help but let him be free. I don't know if he'll ever read this, but if he does, I wish you the best in your new relationship.
Have a good week, keep your hopes high, stay safe, stay together and keep on dreaming.