For the past month or so I've been feeling stocked, I don't know where I want to go, I have an idea but then again, they change in a blink of an eye and I find myself not doing what I thought I wanted but doing things I don't want.
All of this started when I started having problems with my French classmates, when I started trying to fit in, my anxiety was up to the ceiling, even waking up was becoming a task for me, I wanted to skip school or at least that class everyday.
My health was getting compromised too, if you remember a few post ago, I wrote about not feeling 100%, feeling quite tired and unmotivated, I didn't thought as much as I should about it, until one day in class when I felt my heart race drop, I was feeling shivers, I was pale and they have to take me to the nurse's office.
Everything started to pile up to the point where I didn't know what to do or where to run to, I didn't wanted to bother my parents because they were already worried for me, because of my back and the fact that to this day I cannot carry heavy things without having an insane pain.
My mood dropped and I was making a huge effort to do all of this things and keep up with all of my responsibilities, I was putting my body under all of this stress that instead of getting better, I was waking up and feeling worse and worse.
Most of this happened because I was piling up, not really finishing what I've already started, I was trying to get everything done but in reality nothing was getting fully done, I was "multitasking" and complicating my life more and more each time.
But then again, life likes to take turns, I received a call on Thursday about something really exciting, something I cannot really talk about right now, mostly because it's not set in stone yet, but if it gets done, it'll be something pretty exciting and another part of my life to share with you.
That was a wake up call for myself, because in case I get this, I'll have to take care of myself and really get things done, I can't be fooling around like I've been doing this past month.
So, I decided that the best thing for me right now is focus on the things I already have in my hands and myself, I've already started, I've been eating healthier, reading more, doing yoga and being honest about the things that need to be done.
But I'm also taking baby steps, I don't want to end up in the nurse's office again because my blood pressure dropped, I want to be healthy and happy and that man giving up some things.I'm taking a break from this blog for one or two weeks, I don't know yet how much, but it won't be more than two weeks, I can't take more than that.
In that time I will be going to interviews, catching up with school work and actual work, I'll be updating some thing around here that I've been wanting to do for a long time but haven't had the opportunity to do, working on two projects that I haven't even fully started properly, overall doing thing that have been on my agenda for a month but haven't get done.
On top of that I'm going to be taking care of myself, I really need it, because without health there's not much I can do, I already talked with my parents about all of this and even when they don't seem as worried, I do know they are going to be asking about all of this and the way I evolve.
I'll be updating, hope you had an amazing week, a good month so far and keep on dreaming...
Mayte.
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