I've been making changes in my spaces, some big ones, some small ones, I really wanted those changes and they are turning out great, I'm enjoying the process.
With that I'm also planning some changes for this space, I want a cleaner look, I've been working on that this past month and I'm going to continue doing it, it's not done by any mean but I hope that by the end of the month I can present that to you.
On that note, as I'm going to be working on those changes I decided to make this month qute a chilled one when it comes to posts, I'll be posting Midnight Talks two times a week (I'll add the subject on the name of the entry), instead of the regular schedule that I've been having, I'll still be posting on Saturday and Sunday, but I really need that extra time to focus on school and the changes here.
I'm really excited with the new things that are coming on the next weeks. Have a great summer and week,

Last week I was watching Casey Neistat's vlog and he talked about first jobs and how much they can change your perspective, I agree and although I didn't had an awful first job I did learned a lot from that.
Let's go back 3 years and 2 months, I was a terrible teenager, I was such a pain that my parents decided to punish me by taking money away from me and making me get a summer job, they told me about this summer program in our sports club and I signed in to be a teacher's assistant, I got in.
I didn't knew what to expect, I was the new kid, everyone seem to knew each other, I was with a friend but we were separated so basically I was by myself.
Everything was divided into ages, so they put me with the 8 year old kids, I was with two teachers. The program consisted in different activities every hour and visits to museums or theme parks every week, we also had some parties, I was awful the first week, I was on my phone a lot and I didn't really paid attention to anything.
The thing that made me chance was the way everyone was around me, they tried to help me, to make understand what everything was about, from week two I changed, I started to try.
I think everyone started to see a change in me, in the way I was working with them and with the kids, looking back I know that I could have done a better job and really leave all my problems at the door but I think that for a first try, it was fine. Sadly the program ended up after 4 week, I almost cried when it was time to say goodbye, from mothers, to teachers, to kids, I got so close to them that I didn't wanted any moment to go away.
I learned a lot, I found out that I love working with kids, my first job really changed the way I was treating everyone, I miss my first job...

We all have lot of first times, the first time you opened your eyes, the fist time you slept the whole night, the first day of school, the first time you went out, the first time you tried new food, your first decision, half of your life is filled with these precious moments that we don't pay attention to.
Okay, we can't pay attention to all of them, but there are some of them that we just let go, the first time you are able to do something by yourself is like a little victory, no one can take that away from you, it doesn't matter how big or small is, also the first time you decided to order something new from the menu and not your regular and you liked it, it's a way of getting to know your taste, what you like.
Not all of them are going to be good ones but they are going to give you something to learn from, doing new things is the easiest way to know what's you thing, what you like. We are the ones taking away those precious moments from us, what are you winning if you are not trying?
Most guys think that this is more of like a "Girls thing" but don't you feel good when you remember those things?
The key is to appreciate the opportunities life give us and take advantage of them. At the end of the day you have two options, keep living in your comfort zone or step out and have many first times.

What a great week, I feel like sometimes I complain a lot about my weeks but sometimes is just because I'm really tired, or because I had a lot to do, but this week in particular it was pretty balanced and stress free, I had amazing quality time with my mother, it involved a little bit of shopping and lots of ice cream and talking. School wise I had a lot of homework and essays, but it was pretty easy, as I said, I had a really balanced week, I wish every single week was like this.

We are pretty messed up, it has been around 19 years since the last time we were all together, we fight a lot, we don't look a like, we are so different, but when someone need something, we are there, because that's what my family is like.
Having my family close to me is something new, something that I never really experienced before, of course we talked but it was more of like a "Are you still alive?" kind of call, we followed different paths, some of them moved to another city, some of them got married, some of them don't even know me, of course I have two families, my mom's and my dad's but my dad's family has always been close and supportive, the other part is the difficult one.
Don't get me wrong, I love both of them in different ways of course, I won't go away from either of them, I learn a lot of different things from them, I love them because they are different.
Back to my reunited family (my mom's part), I never saw this kind of reunions coming, I mean, we were apart, but I think we owe this to my mother's determination to see her siblings more and to keep the family close to my grandma.
One by one they have been getting closer to us, to our lives, to our house and I even mention my house because it has been the reunion point for everybody and let me tell you that I've never seen my parents this open to having people over that often, of course we have friends over but once every 6 months or more, my mom has been going crazy with this things but she really loves it and I love how happy she looks when they start talking about the fun memories or the new memories. Even though I had a rough beginning with them, they are growing on me, having them close and really trying, has really made a change in the way I see them and the way I interact with them.
Even if I don't accept this, I have a lot of them in me, in my personality and in the way I express myself. At the end of the day they are my family and they support me and love in their own unique way.
Our next resolution or at least mine is to have a family reunion in a significant spot of the city, the place where my grandpa used to work, that forest that I love so much, I want to get that done before the year ends. I guess we can't escape our families.

It's your 45 birthday. We've known each other for 20 years, that's a lot, you know me better than everybody else, you have the patient to deal with me.
We both have been going through changes, you have helped me understand them, we both grew a lot through the years, you are the first one to figure what's wrong with me, you saw me grew to be a noisy teenager, I gave you a lot of headaches, sorry about that, but I was learning, I needed to fail.
We fight a lot, more than we should, we think different, sometimes we get mad over the silliest things, sometimes you just get made with me, we have our own opinions about everything and that's fine, that have helped us know new things, we have some similarities too. I'm so proud of you, you have done more that a lot of people, you showed a lot of people what you are capable of, you showed me how important is to help others, you have gone through terrible moments yet you are still the strongest one in the room and that's really something to admire, you've gained people respect over the years and just by doing your thing, nothing else, you know what you do most of the time.
Yes, we do fight, we yell at each other and there was a time when we barely stood each other, but we are over that. You have taught me a lot and I love you just for the fact that you are my mother, the one person that has always supported my crazy plans, one of the two people that have believed in me, that have made me the person that I am know, I owe you and I don't think I'll ever be able to pay you, everyone is right, you did something right, I really hope that I making you proud and that we have more time to do all of those things that we have talked about through the years.
All of my success is for you and my dad, for this and lots more I love you and I'll never leave you. Thanks mom. Happy Birthday.

We've been friends for 4 years, I think, everybody knows the way we met and I don't we are ever going to forget about that, we started laughing.
You watched me make a lot of mistakes through the years, you have been one of the few that are still around me and although I don't show it a lot, I really appreciate it. I've watched you grew and figure what you want to do.
I've told you so many times how amazing you are and I don't think you believe it, you've showed me how much you are capable of, you have done things that seem pretty hard at the time, you fight for what you believe in, it's pretty awesome the way you make others feel better, I've always admired your good mood and the way you take changes in your life, you are better than most of us, you learn from everything and although I know that you are afraid of certain things, you are the bravest person I know, you face the challenges, you don't hide, other thing that I really admire about you, you know how to handle a situation.
I also know that I can be so annoying sometimes yet you always stick through those moments, you are always there. Through this years you have taught me a lot, more than you think. I'm really sorry for leaving you, I never said goodbye or even if I was going to come back, I never though of that, we talk a lot, I hope that you know that you can trust me anything, if you want to hide a body, I'll help you, that's why I'm here for and this time I'm not going away.
You have a beautiful soul, you are great the way you are, don't let anybody change that.
You said you didn't wanted anything big n your birthday and of course I wasn't going to let that happen, I just changed the date, I still disagree with this idea, so I had to do it my way.
Happy 20th birthday.

Another morning filled with homework, I want a break already, I think I can't have everything in life.
This week I had a chat with one of my friend friends, he asked me about my life and the reason I was keeping everything super private, I told him that I was afraid of the opinions, he is smart and asked me to tell him my life, my story with details and everything, and somehow he knows me better in three weeks than my friends in 2 years, I like him in a weird familiar way, I fell like he is my little brother, a curious little brother.
While I was talking with him, I realised that my first times have not been as normal as other might have been, I have had some unique opportunities, opportunities that have changed the way I see the world around me, or the way I treat people, some of them have been small but significant, others have been huge and I though why not shared them, most of them were learning experiences where I took the most I could, I have great memories of most of those, I also had bad experiences, as you do.
This week is all about first times and how much they have changed me, to be the person that I am now.
Have an amazing day, week and don't forget to smile, it makes life 10 times easier.

Good Morning sunshine I hope that you are well, the weather has been lovely around here, I love it, a weird combination between hot mornings and rainy afternoons, I love when it rains. This is an special week in my house, it''s my mother's birthday week, she's hving some days off work and we are going to have some special bounding time, just the two of us, maybe some shopping involved and lots of food, I'm excited. It's also the birthday week of one of my dearest friends and although I can't be with her that day, I'm really excited to have a day out the next week with her, I'm kind of planning something for her.
So, with that in mind, this week I'm writing special posts for special people, it's part of my gift for them, a little piece of my thoughts, something they wanted to know through the years and now they can have.
Have a lovely beginning of the week, everything will be back to normal next week.

Don't you just love when it rains? I love rain, I don't even mind getting wet as much as I should, anyway, this week was a chaotic one, everything started when my auntie decided to stay with us from friday to sunday, we went out to buy some supplies that she needed and my mother and I found ourselves walking for almost 12 hours, it was pretty exhausting, then going to bed quite late, waking up early, walking again, finding the gift for mother's day, back home and we had a quick family reunion on Saturday night in my house, I felt extremely anxious with my house full of people but at the end it was worth it, I saw my mother laughing with her brothers and sisters and it was lovely, after those crazy days we had a super lazy and slow Sunday which I really enjoyed, from there my week went really slow.

If giving help is hard enough, think how hard is for someone to ask for it.
My pride is huge, I rather get lost, to admit I didn't knew how to get some place, I hate asking for help and that got me into a lot of problems as a teenager ( that I still am ) if it wasn't for my parents and the way they talk to me sometimes I'll probably stay in bed fearing to go out, they got me to ask for help for my anxiety and that's something I really appreciate but to this day I don't think I know how to ask for help.
Our pride is always there to tell us "Don't do it" and we listen to that instead of listening to our common sense, our brain, we don't know everything, we have trouble in different aspects of our life because we are not perfect and it's completely normal. We have the chance to ask other people but we don't do it, we have to let others help us, it really makes our lives easier, we might get judged but we are asking first because we don't know and second because we are brave enough to do it. Don't let anybody tell you that's wrong and really do it, either in class, in life, with your doctor, if you feel like something is wrong, it better to ask than to regret it later.

By Eve Edward, I bought this book not thinking that much about it, it was on sale and I needed new, interesting book, so I went for it, it took me about 4 days to read and I have to say I love it, it is a love story situated on England, 1582, which is one of my favourite parts of English history I have to say. The story is amazing, I hate when everything goes too slow and you really don't get the chance to enjoy the ending, this book is the opposite.
You get to know the characters and fall in love with them, it has the perfect length and you get more than one point of view, you understand what they are going trough, I really recommend it, if you have time and you like YA, romance and historical books you are going to love it. I have to add it to my really small list of favourite books.
"It's England, 1582. Ellie - Lady Eleanor Rodriguez of San Jaime - is in possession of a gold-seeking father, a worthless title and a feisty spirit that captivates the elite of the Queen's court, and none other than the handsome new Earl of Dorset ...William Lacey has inherited his father's title and his financial ruin."

If you know something about me, it's that I hate driving, I get really nervous and I can't drive properly, so I take the public service everyday and I don't tend to complain a lot about the things that happen there but there are some things that just bug me a lot, one of them is when an old person or someone with a disability gets on and there are no sets left, no one wants them to give theirs, of course I stand up and give them my seat, I really don't mind it.
The thing here is that we are not used to help or give anything to those who needed it more than us, we think about our comfort, the truth is that someday we are going to be old and that's something that it's going to happen to us, if we keep doing it, young kinds are going to learn it, those kids are going to grow thinking that it's ok to do that, and it's sad to think about how we stop thinking about the others.
I'm talking about the small things, helping someone cross the road, giving your seat, helping someone get on or off the bus, things that take no time and that'll make you and the other person feel better. We forget about our kindness. Helping with those little things makes a huge change!

The other day I was talking to a friend ans she asked me, if at some point of my life I was going to tell her what did I do for living and I told her that she might find out but I couldn't promise anything, she started laughing and that was the end of that. I realized that no matter what, I never explain what I do or why am I so busy and it's because it's really hard to explain and as I can't explain, I can't ask for help but I can give it, so I decided to write about that as I've been trying to really help others and do something for them.
This week is all about those little actions that make you or others feel better, hope you have an amazing start of the week, don't forget to be awesome.

As I expected this first week of the month has been extremely busy, I feel extremely tired but quite happy with what I accomplished, my family says that I'm being dangerously patient, that I'm not saying everything or that I'm keeping things to myself, the low and calm tone of my voice really freaks them out and I have to say that it's quite funny but in fact I'm really working on that part of my personality, everyone has to get used to that. 

Dear 17 year Mayte:
You are a sad teenager, you are hiding from the world, you feel lonely, you ran away not only from problems but everyone, you lied in order to make a good exit, you are broken. This is a hard time for you and some how you ended up being blamed for everything, now you are thinking of ways to end all of this.
You know how strong you used to be? you really stood up for longer than everyone else though, you lost your focus, you felt lonely, no one can really blame you for the things that happened those days and even if they are brave enough to do it, they are not right and more than one person trust you on this ones, you have more people behind you and you don't know it yet but you are going to hurt a lot of them.
Here is the thing, you did what you though it was right, you went through a lot on those years, but don't worry you are going to find yourself again, you forgot you are a teenager, don't you? you did the same as everybody else, everyone saw you as the grown up, they forgot about your age and how much you still needed to live.
Remember that you are not the only one through this, that's why you just want to help as many as you can. Be aware of the changes that you are going through, accept them and take your time to heal, you need it more than anything right know.

The other day I was talking with my best friend and she told me she was getting old as she is two weeks away from turning 20 years old, I laughed, of course, first because I really don't mind getting old and secondly because I was waiting for that for months, she said she didn't wanted a party or anything like that in her birthday so I started planning something for the day after her birthday, as I've been pretty busy I asked for help to one of my favourite person alive, and he told me he understood her as he knew how much came with the hole "turning 20 thing" and he told me you'll understand when you grow up and it felt nice to hear that.
Here is the thing, he is the only one that treats me like that, like a teenager, like a 19th year old girl, he knows I'm more mature than others and yet he doesn't treats me like an adult, I love it. I think that's one of the reasons why I get in so many problems, everyone thinks of me as a grown up and when my teenage side comes out everyone freaks out, as I'm a year ahead in school, everyone thinks that I should be the way I am know and I don't necessarily have to be this mature. I like being a difficult teenager sometimes.

With the new month comes new things, May is known to be one of my busiest months, mostly because I have to find extra time to spend with my mom as her birthday is at the end of the month and it's also one of my bestest friend birthday, so I find myself multitasking more than usual and more than wanted, the month started as a quiet, simple one but I know that this is just the beginning.
Anyway, on that note of being busy I realised that I was leaving my health behind, I've been eating pretty badly and without an activity, I'm looking for extra classes to change that, although my parents are thinking that I might have gone crazy I need them to relieve the stress and tension. I know this month is about over scheduling but if I make it 'till the end, I'll be able to take whatever is on my way.
I'm doing something new and really committing to all of my activities with out a doubt, I often found myself running away from things out of fear or just because I got bored, I'm working on that.
The last thing I really want to take care of this month is to fill the spaces, I know I hurt people and although I can't take everything back I can say goodbye in their faces rather than just disappearing again, is the right thing to do after everything, I'm trying to find my way out.
In my father's words "Have a great day, week, month and good luck little one"

I took a week off, I was feeling extremely pressured with my exams, so I took the weekend to myself, I also worked a lot on improving my writing, I expect this to be my weirdest week so far and not in a bad but in a unique and brave way, I'm doing the things I was afraid to do in the past, I made decisions, I'm ready for anything, I think. I'm still trying.
As this is a random week for me I decided to have a random theme here too, nothing too special but really meaningful, I hope you enjoy it.