Archive for 2014

We all know that Christmas is about happiness and thanking but there was a year when I thought that Christmas was just another random day.

I have to tell you in general I really hate huge parties, it is a lot of planning, people you don't know and lots of drama, my parents tend to have the same opinion as me but the rest of the family just thinks we are weirdos.

I was 15 and here in my country that needs a huge celebration, for me that just meant another year... and moths before I turned 15 the started to make this huge plans for a party, they took me to a huge shop to try some puffy dresses that of course I hated, I not a girly girl so dresses are not that comfy or cute.

As the months passed everything was turning around and we end up with a small party with my family ad that's when the problems started.

Everyone started to get mad and of course I started to feel sad to the point I didn't wanted to answer the phone because I was afraid of the things my family was saying and as the date came closer my anxiety grew. My breaking point was when my mother told me that my grandma wasn't going to be there and my mom heard me cry for maybe the third time in 5 years and I felt like I wasn't part of that family that they didn't wanted me. I finished school and we started planning everything that was left but at this point the only thing that I wanted was to get out of there. By the 22 of December we started to trip, we were headed to Morelia.

I don't remember a lot of that night, I started drinking...

For me The devil that stole Christmas was my family and since then I don't allow them to take control of my life or even my holidays. With this history I'm not trying to say how "bad" my life can be sometimes, but there are some stories that I have to tell because if I don't do it, I wont be able to be free from them. That was one of the worst Christmas not only because my family was judgemental but because they decided that I wasn't as important and at first was devastating but now I can see that spending time with them doesn't mean allowing all of this.

Don't allow anyone else to control your dreams or tell you what to do...

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Every time I see an old friend they always asks me about him and to this day I don't know what to answer. Maybe I have to explain you who was him in order to understand the whole problem.
I met him 2 years ago, it's worth saying I was in a really bad stage in my life, he came to me like something new, something I wasn't expecting, something that intrigued me. He came as a breeze of fresh air.
He came and turned me around, he supported me from the beginning and he still does it know. I hid him from my friends for a long time, I didn't knew what they were going to tell me and that was a relationship that I wanted to keep to myself because it was new and exciting and I didn't wanted anyone's opinion on that.
After two lovely months people started to find out about everything, they felt like something was going on around me, people started to ask a lot of questions. I wasn't down to answer stupid or even the normal questions. Sometimes when we start a new relationship we forget about the world but believe it or not this was not the case, we were a thing but we were not a couple and that is hard to explain and to understand.
After 6 months I had a fight with one of my dearest friend or one that I though it was and that's when it hit me, sometimes you need to stand up for the things you believe in and that relationship and the way I handle it was my decision and to this day I don't regret anything.
I have some really fun memories with him, he is the one, he can take my breath away with one kiss and he makes me laugh and feel better about anything. I remember our first and our last kiss. I remember all about us, everything that we went through and all of those memories will stay forever.
Everyone refers as what happen as a breakup but no, I did cry but in theory nothing really changed, we are still best buddies, sometime he kisses me, we talk about our days or week, he still thinks I'm adorable and the most important thing we are still in our hearts.
He'll be there for a long time and that's why I cannot answer any questions about him.

I adore you Woodstock

Thanks for reading!

Warning: It might get more personal than ever.
This a subject that is close to my heart for many reasons, one them is the fact that I stopped doing a lot of things out of fear.
Sometimes we let fear get to us and freeze us and that is not how is suppose to be, we can't let fear stop us. I have lost a lot of opportunities out of fear. One of my biggest fear is not being good enough and being raced in a family where you can follow your dreams as long as you become the best at it, makes really hard everything else and there was a point in my life that I was petrified of visiting them because I wasn't at my best and I went for a career that first of all, there were not many women in there, second of all, it was out of the box for them and finally, me picking that meant that I wasn't going to be able to go and visit them as much as I used to. ( Most of my family members are doctors, so that explains a lot)
But one night when I was talking with my father and he told me that sometimes is not about the word or what they are going to say, as long as I'm happy with my decision everything will be ok and I believe him, so I manned up and talked with them and besides that time facing my fear of heights, I was between terrified and proud. That's when I understood that fear can control you or you can face it (Don't assume it'll disappear because it'll probably stay the same). If you decide that you are going to avoid it and just say no, you need to think if you want to live always like that or you can start speaking up!
And also is worth saying that maybe I don't have the best relationship with my family now but I'm really happy with the things I do, the ones I'll get to do and the decisions I'm making. I know that sometime soon I would need to have the same conversation with my parents because I may or may not be travelling next year and they can be too protective some times but I've learned that It's worth it every time as long as you are sure about it.
Your voice is a weapon and you need to learn how and when to use it. You just need to be brave...
"You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug

You can be the outcast

Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love

Or you can start speaking up"
Our biggest enemy is the fear.

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I'm not going to lie here but when I was in my freshman year I was the most disorganiced person but one day I felt bad about it and also I wasn't able to find anything so I made a few changes like:

Cleaning Regularly: Taking out garbage and putting everything in order that works for you (make sure that you organice in a way that everything you need will be close and please don't hide your mess) will make such a huge difference.
Priorites: Make sure that you know what yours are because It can make taking decitions a lot easier (Be aware that although you just have one life you also need to know that procastrinating can make life waaaay harder).
Start with the basics: Organice the way you do your homework or how often you clean your room.
Planning: You'll be surprised how many times I've been late because I didn't plan enough time and I literraly had to be in two places at the same time. Feel free to cancel sometimes if you feel like you can't do it (It is all about priorites).
Agenda or Diary: Makes you remember stuff and when it needs to be delivered.
To Do's List: It makes easier to remember what to do and when.
Never put something on hold if you can do it: I found that doing this only make you put stuff away everytime and then you feel pressured to do it, if you start earlier you'll be surprised how much time you can save for going out or doing anything.

Finally you need to know that being organiced is a choice and the way you do it depends a lot in the things you do. In my case most of the stuff I do has to be in person so If I can't meet a friend for dinner I make sure to tell her with in advance and although I hate cancelling sometimes I prefer to do this than being two hours late. And also PLEASE plan sometime for yourself to go out or sleep more hours it is really important for your body to rest properly.

I hope this tips help you the way they helped me.

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