People close to me can tell you, I've been repeating the same sentence over and over "I have no idea how I passed this semester" because I certainly have no idea how it happened but now that I'm almost done and I've passed all my exams I feel the need to share a little bit about how it was for me.
From the beginning I knew it was going to be intellectually challenging, I knew going into the masters that maybe I was going to struggle with certain things. Certainly I wasn't expecting what happened in the next 4 months, I was so challenged that going to check my grades was the most dreaded thing and I would be on the verge of tears.
It became one of the most stressful semesters I ever had and I went to college at the lowest point of my depression. I couldn't sleep or eat properly, I would avoid messaging my tutor and I would send half assessed papers that got regular grades and I would be okay with those grades.
Then the final part of the semester came around and I wanted to drop out, I was so stressed, in so much emotional pain that I thought "This is it, I can't do it and even if I could, why would I want to do it? An extra 6 months in school doesn't sound that bad."
I tried everything to get me out of that situation, asked for an extension on some papers using my family situation as a way to justify them not being on time, got rejected immediately. I remember thinking, this is it, I can't do it, I don't want to do it anymore, it isn't worthy.
I knew my parents would get it, at the end of the day they knew that when they requested this papers and work I was feeling horrible, I had no energy and long day naps became my thing that whole week. But a part of me wanted to be done with it and have some sort of free time during the summer before camp begins in July.
I pulled myself together and for the next three weeks I worked, studied and burned my eyelashes off in front of my computer to get everything done. I did it, last week I sent the last paper out and realised that maybe I needed to do it in order to find peace in that aspect of my life.
A weight was lifted off of my shoulders and now seeing my grades and seeing that not only did I prove my teachers I could do it but also myself makes me feel amazing. Now I can finally take some deserving time off or at least that's what I would want to think.