The thing with being in a bad state of mind is that everything gets harder, you can't concentrate properly, you can't work properly and everything becomes a hassle. I've been there for the past month and a half. For some reason, every time I try to pick up my slack, life likes to get in the way and make everything harder.
I thought December was going to be different, I really thought I was going to be able to be in a better spot by the end of the year, but I'm not and it's not because of lack of trying (a part of me wishes it was, only to be able to blame it into someone), it's more because of the lack of time I dedicated to myself and the amount of energy I was putting into everyone else's problems.
During the first week of the month I ran like a headless chicken, I was walking everywhere, managing my time and draining myself out. By Wednesday my energy was gone and my motivation was starting to disappear but I pulled through, I knew the week was going to be over soon and every sign of the stress I was carrying that week was going to be a distant memory, but again, I was wrong.
That was the start of a bad weekend and a not so happy week. My aunt was involved in a car accident that night and we missed sleep and stayed in the hospital until she was cleared. It was one of those experiences you never really want to live but once you do it, you are left without choice. That weekend I ran around, cleaned, organised and took care of her.
Now, this week has been a little bit different, a little bit better, a little bit less chaotic, yet my mind can't seem to relax. I'm stuck in this work cycle I can't break down. For some reason I feel like I haven't been able to let go of all the stress I was in and every time I think about taking a nap or even  just laying down to read, something pops up on my mind and I'm left feeling restless.
That's why I've decided to take a couple of days off of work, but also do a little bit of everything while I'm still on break for the next two weeks. I want to make the most of the next days and start the year with a fresh mind, a well thought out plan and more relaxed. I know that at the end of the day it's going to be all about the time I dedicate to make this possible.
I'm trying here, I know I won't be perfect, I know there will be failures but I'll keep trying harder and harder so instead of feeling like everything is a hassle, everything feels easier and less busy.
I'll see your around, it's a promise and as always, remember to keep on dreaming.