How fast is this year going? Suddenly it's spring and flowers are blooming once again.
If you have been reading what I write for at least a month, you would know that I've been struggling a lot. Life hasn't been easy lately and I've faced a lot of tests and if I'm being completely honest probably shed more tears in the past 3 months that I have in the past 2 years.
I've been getting in and out of this funks for months, my anxiety would kick in, my energy would get to low and my motivation would be gone. I struggled to do a lot of my day-to-day activities and everything seemed wrong.
Ever since February I decided to kick my but in gear, I decided that enough was enough and unless I were to do something for me, there was no way I was going to get out of that place. It worked for a month and a half and then I faced a slump.
I started April recovering from a sickness, a devil stomach bug that prevented me from working out which by itself made me feel like a failure after doing so well but I've learned that when your body says no, it means no and it will always be for the best.
As the month progressed I realised that I wasn't coming out of the slump, I was getting frustrated with it, with myself, with the world, with everyone that dared come near me and all of this came to the point in which I didn't answered my phone for at least 4 days, 2 if you were important or a regular.
And then everything came down and I mean literally everything came down. No one really prepares you to face death, we are told it happens and it's shitty but it isn't until you face it with someone that you realise how bad it is, how much it hurts and how much more strength you have to find in yourself.
I was in emotional and physical pain for days, it's been a week and I still don't know what to do or how to react. Movies don't tell us that there's people that die young, we expect to reach at least 40, not 22.
For now, I've immersed myself in work and school, because as everything else was happening I was also preparing for an exam to maybe study a masters. Right now I don't really know if I'll get in, all I know is that I'm hurting.
One thing I learned from this experience is that my close friends and family will always have my back. I don't know what I would do without them. My parents have been by my side and my friends have checked on me. I actually saw the pain in my dad's face one of those mornings while he tried to figure out what to say.
The next weeks are going to be hard as we come back to reality and the pain settles, I'll get through this, I know I will it's just that for now and for this week I don't want to take anything seriously, I want to rest and come to terms with what just happened.
I hope you had a good one and as always remember to keep on dreaming.