It's been a while since I've talked about anxiety and how it has been affecting my life once again. It's been months since I accepted that I needed help once again and it has been a couple of weeks since the last time I had my last panic attack.
I don't know where I stand, some days are better than others, some days I feel like everything is going to be okay and others I feel the pain, the constriction in the back of my throat, the pounding on my chest as soon as I wake up, but I'm learning to control them, to not let that feeling take over.
Meditation has been a new add on to my daily routine, even if it's just for five minutes, I want to let my mind wonder and take it back to a place of peace and calm. One thing that has really stuck out to me is how much it can take off and how bad my thoughts can be, but once again I have to remind myself that I can control them.
Regular workouts, doing yoga and going for a run twice a week have also been helping not only to get myself back into shape, they also help me to clear my mind and enjoy those minutes focusing in just one thing instead of having two or three things to worry about. I've taken upon myself to focus on my workout and not put anything on the background.
My room stopped having a mind on it's own, I can find everything I need and want without struggling like I did before and that has also been helping a lot to not feel as if everything is falling on top of me.
I went through a few rough days in the past two weeks that lead me to that last panic attack. I'm not going to lie I felt pretty crappy the next day and I decided that being in the mood I was, I needed a free day for me to lay around in my bed. The next day I was feeling better, so I went for a run.
I'm still recovering from that, I'm still missing time management and I'm still missing patience, but right now, I feel happy with those little battles I've managed to win right now.
I'm nowhere near to the place I want to be but unlike last year I want to keep pounding and working to get to that place, I'll not let anyone or anything defeat me at this point. I'm learning once again to put myself first and don't stress about those curved balls that life throws at me.
If you are going through something similar, it gets better, there is a light at the end and fighting for that is worthy all your time, don't let anything take over your life and remember to keep on dreaming.