Neve knows what's like to work hard for something she wants, and after three years of trying to slim down she's finally going to see the love of her life and show him how she's deserving of him, but her sister sets a new predicament, one that one of her sister's collegue, Max, may be able to help with.


What I liked:

• Max is a charming character from the beginning 'till the end and you can't help but see the positive impact he has in Neve. 
• Neve's innocence was refreshing and enerving at times, but seeing how she managed herself around Max and how she got involved in the whole relationship so fast was quite fun.
• The touch on positive image and positive dieting and exercise and it really should be emphasised that this character goes through many self image problems that overcomes as her family and new partner reassure her that she looks amazing no matter her size or weight. 

Spring is here, we are on the four month of the year and I have yet to do something amazing, something to make myself proud. I don't want to feel like this anymore because it's not me, I want to improve, I want to be better and not be so afraid of the world.
There are parts of my life that have been improving a lot, but at the same there are other parts that have been suffering from my lack of attention, time or even energy and now as summer approaches I want to get to that place of happiness and there's one main goal I want to reach and the only way to get there is by working hard.
Personal Goals:

• Workout 5 times a week, it doesn't matter what I do as long as I do something every work day. 
• Drink less caffeine. 
• Eat more green and less sugar. 
• Save money. 
• Keep my spaces clean and tidy. 
• Maintain myself. By this I mean drinking more water, dedicating some time to myself, etc.)
• Use my BuJo everyday to write everything down, even the little things. 

Saying that this month has been interesting may be the understatement of the year. A lot has happened, many tears have been sheed, changes have been happening and I know deep down that happiness is going to come out at some point. There's still more to do.
The beginning of the month was slow but exciting, I had a bit more work than other months, I received good news from my dentist and doctor as everything I thought was wrong with my body was a simple flu that attacked me for the first four days of the month.
I reunited with old friends and realised that most of the times good intentions aren't good enough. It's hard to let a friendship go and it hurt me a lot but I've come to terms with it. Once you realise there's nothing else for me to do, it's better to walk off and end on good terms than fight over little things.
I also saw a really old friend, one I hadn't seen in over 4 years and it was nice to catch up, talk and enjoy the time we had. I doubt we are going to be as strong as we used to in the past, but it's nice to clean the dirt from the past and see how far we've come.
I travelled, I haven't done that in quite a long while, I went to Morelia on a quick trip and really enjoyed the views and the weather. It was a quick trip but one I enjoy more and more every time I go and seeing some of my family members was an added plus for sure.
And all of the sudden I had a week off, or at least with less on my list. I was looking so much to it that even my desire to sleep more than 7 hours came back. I read 4 or 5 books that week and deep cleaned my room. It was as amazing as it sounds and if I could I would have one day like that every single week.
And to top of a good month now comes Spring break, one week of no responsibilities and no early mornings, which for me is going to be well received. I'm indeed going to enjoy the extra time to work on some projects without having the stress of having other things to do.
Plus, I'm having one of my wisdom teeth removed the first days and that can only mean ice cream and bed for me. I'm happy, I'm excited, I have a lot more to do.
Being the superstitious woman I am I'll hold back in some news because I'm too afraid of jinxing it, but maybe in June I'll receive news that will define the next two years of my life, but who knows. For now I'll leave with well wishes and remember to keep on dreaming.

Our past don't define us, that's true, but our pasts can scare us for what's to come. Once you meet pain there's no way of forgetting how bad it made you feel and this week unlike any other I was faced with past pain that I never thought I would go back to.
"What if I don't get in?" was my first question when I was faced with this opportunity, in my mind everything was too good to be true, it was a god's send. Something like this happens few times and there I was wondering whether or not I was deserful enough, whether or not I was smart enough.
People believe more in me than I do and that changes your whole look in life, because even when you see someone in the mirror you don't see what others see, you don't see the sparkle in your eyes, the security they see, you don't see how valuable and beautiful you are, so you don't believe them.
The truth here is that once you mess up, once you throw your life away and you try to come back you are always going to feel like nothing you are doing is ever going to be good enough, everything you are doing is falling short and even when you seem to fight to get to that place, you can't.
There's this voice in the back of you head talking to you, saying how much more you could've done, how much better my life could've been if I payed attention to everything everyone said back then, saying how much I don't deserve any of this because there's people out there busting their back trying to get somewhere.
It's a tough feeling to overcome and to be honest, right now I don't feel like I'm ever going to overcome that part of self hatred I have. It comes from a deep place inside me, one I haven't been brave enough to explore and one I might never, ever want to go to, because it hurts and it makes me go back to the memories of a person I was.
And here comes the worst part, making the decision, asking the questions, deciding if you want to venture or if "safe" is going to be good enough for you. Whichever you decide is going to define your next step and the next version of you and you are either going to be happy you made that decision or resent yourself forever.
Whatever you do, wherever you are I can just tell you one thing, be brave for everyone but most importantly be strong for yourself, because you are the only one living with the decisions you make and only one that really knows how you are feeling.
Ask opinions but don't live through them, take your time, if it's important for you then it's going to take time, you are going to feel scared once again but as they say, "Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our dreams" Les Brown.
It's true, a lot has happened but I've let all of that take control of my life and by the end of it I'm so tired that I stopped doing what I love. I have to decide whether to fly or sink, again, and make myself responsible once again.

When a book is recommended to you, you have one of two options, you either read it or you leave it in the shelf. Emiline decides to read it and before she even finishes the first page she knows what this book is about, it's all about her past and the only one that could have written this was Jase, her childhood friend and first crush.
She now has to decide whether to keep her life going the way it is now, or go on the lookout for Jase and herself, all while she tries to make her writer's block go away.

What I liked:

• What drawned me to this book was the message it held, it has a good reminder for all of us, because we only get one life and you do regret the things you don't do. 
• Jase was really clever as a character and although he didn't appeared as much as I would have wanted, he made important appearances and at some point I was hoping for him and not the main character of the story.

Part two is here and I'm not sure if it's going to be the last one, other than a few pictures than are crooked, I love every shot I took this day. Downtown became one of my favourite places in town, you can find everything and I've managed to find some amazing places to eat and enjoy time with friends.










Maybe I was inspired, maybe it was the weather, I'll never know, but I'll always look back to this pictures and smile. I hope you liked them and remember to keep on dreaming.

When I was thinking on how to start sharing my memories, the first memory that came into my mind was one of the saddest, yet heartwarming moments I had with one of my best friends. He showed me how he was going to be there for me no matter what.
I don't remember when this happened, but I do remember where and how I got there. To set the record straight at this point of my life I knew something was off with me but I had no idea what anxiety was or how it was affecting my life.
It was dark outside, everyone was either inside their classrooms or outside, smoking before it got too late or before they could get caught. I was supposed to be in class, being the perfect girl everyone wanted me to be, doing what I was supposed to do, but instead I was outside lurking for a boy that would never look at me, or at least not the way I wanted to.
We were talking, even arguing and before I knew it everything took a turn, everything stopped and I was left feeling like the idiot that would never be able to feel loved or cared for. It was all my fault and not being mentally stable enough, I cracked under his words.
I remember running away, that would always be my first instinct, to get away from whatever was causing me misery, so I got away from him to look out for my things so I could leave, because at least for one night I was going to be free, then I would thing of something else, something that would make me feel more deserving of him.
On my way out I saw him before he hugged me, it wasn't an stranger, it was "Engineer", he was coming out of his class, he was there and he held me for what felt like hours. He didn't ask any questions, he was what I needed right there and then.
Once I was calm enough I remember telling him "thank you" and pointing how my mascara had rubbed on his sweater, he didn't care, he asked me if I was okay to keep going and with a nod I moved on from him.
We may go through rough patches, we may not talk every single day but we still are really close. He knows me too well and there's nothing I could ever hide from him. At this point of my lie and after almost 8 years of friendship I don't know what I would do without him.

When something is not right in my life, everything and everyone else suffers. It's like everything around me is off, not just me, I can't focus, I can't do anything properly, my focus is not there and I let everything slip and I get bothered easily than other times.
This was one of those weeks, I knew from the beginning that something was off but in order for me to figure it out, I was going to need to do something, get out of the house and not let this "funk" take over my life like it has happened in the past. I took the week for myself.
Monday was a work day, I immersed myself into the library, worked for a few hours and managed to get so much done that I had the rest of the day free for me to do whatever I wanted and for me, that meant I picked up some food and went back to bed to read a new book, watch some videos and relax.
Tuesday was a workout day, I went for my usual run but I noticed that I wasn't enjoying it as much as I did, I was overdoing the trail and my mind was getting bored of it, so I made a new mental note to change paths. Then I went home to take a shower, get some chinese food that was more than amazing and do some work.
Wednesday was the most enjoyable day for me, I woke up, went to the library, came home to clean my room and was so happy to be home alone doing everything I enjoy and leaving my room spotless, then had the best sushi ever and enjoy an afternoon with good new from my dentist.
Thursday was the ultimate relaxing day for me. I went for a run and tried a new trail and actually loved the new challenge, it was beautiful and challenging and I didn't get lost so it was a win for everyone. What made it even better was that I got to enjoy some of my favourite food ever while reading one of my new favourite books.
The one day I went out was Friday when my mother organised a trip to her hometown which was really tiring, but also one of the best experiences of my year so far. The landscape was breathtaking and although by the end of the day my body ached, it was so worthy.
It was a laid down week, but to be honest I really needed it, my mind thanked me, my body thanked me and I'm feeling better now I've just have to sort out my life and get ready because next week I'm going to have a lot to do and my mood needs to be top notch. Will I survive? We may never know.
Have a good one and remember to keep on dreaming.

Eleanor avoids social interaction as her skills are known to not be the best, she's a creature of habit used to say whatever is on her mind. She enjoys her routine, frozen pizza, vodka and phone talks with Mummy, but that isn't meant to last as one night as she is on her way to her usual deli she sees an accident that brings the attention from Raymond, the IT from her company, and everything that comes with him. She doesn't know it yet but her life is about to change and it may be for good.

What I liked:

• Raymond's interaction with the main character was remarkable. It was obvious that he saw the problem with the main character and worked his way into her life without pushing her. 
• The way they touch certain subjects that Eleanor is going through in her life and how it shows not everyone is going to judge and asking for help isn't as bad as we sometimes think. 
• The involvement of more characters. They get included quite organically and you can relate with them and how they get along and get included in the story without playing such a big part but still making that impact. 
• The two parts the story is divided into, me having dealt with anxiety I know what they refer to when they talk about good and bad days. It's different for everyone but the distinction was nice to have. 

And the photo diaries are back, finally, I've been taking photos for quite a long time now but haven't know how to share them, but here I am taking off the bandaid and not being scared or saving them for some other time. You deserve to see them and it makes me more than happy to share them with you.
Here is the first part of a few pictures I took back in August in one of the last days we had of summer.







There's a Timo exhibition that I couldn't miss and truly the weather was too beautiful for me to miss, I hope you like it and maybe next week I'll post the rest of them, and as always remember to keep on dreaming.

... it's hard to acknowledge that it's time to move on, that you aren't in front of the same person you were about 3 years ago, and probably you aren't the same person either.
You'll try, if you care enough you'll do it not only for you, but because deep inside you know that you still care about that other person, because no matter how bad the situation was, because no matter how things are going to end, old friendships always make you care more about others.
Sometimes it isn't about errors or mistakes, sometimes life leads you to different places, each one of us choosing different routes, each one of us choosing different paths and those decisions are the ones drifting us apart, making the differences seem bigger and bigger.
And then the question is, how do you talk about it? how are you sure that there's nothing else in there for you or the other person? how do you avoid hurting the other person's feelings?
You can always sit down and wait around until you see the lasts bits of you friendship drain away, not do anything, even avoid the subject, watching how each time that you see each other there's going to be less to talk about, you are going to have less in common.
Then at some point the calls are going to stop, that person is going to move on or you are going to move on, finding someone with who you seem to have a lot more in common and that place is going to be filled with someone else.
It's hard to let someone go and it's even harder to see someone go away but sometimes it's all you've got left to do and once you do it there's no going back, because once you leave someone's life, unless the other person is okay with it, there's no way you can get back to it.
I rambled a lot, my mind was in a bad place when I was writing this but the pain is there. Seeing one of my close friends go is hard, mostly when you have gone through pretty rough things together, but it's time, for our own good at least, to continue out different ways and maybe someday, somewhere we will reunite and life will be better for both of us.
You can't hold someone down, but you can help them fly away even if that hurts you.

Memories are reminders of the lessons you once learned. Some are good, some are bad, some come with a smell, a sound or even a place, but unfortunately for all of us, they don't last forever, someday at some point of your life you are going to forget everything.
It's hard to think about it, to think about all of those amazing moments that someday no one is going to remember, they'll be part of the past but still be part of your essence.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately, about the way I met my closest friends, the way I learned not to trust a guy just because he talks like one of those characters from my favourite books, all the lessons I learned and once passed to people who needed them the most are going to be forgotten, so why not share them.
I write a lot, I share a lot, but there have been so many experiences that I've kept to myself that I can easily keep going for a while, but what's fun about keeping them for myself? I want for us to take a stroll down memory lane.
Those memories remind me of who I was and who I want to become, they show a different side of me, a different girl to the one that's writing this right now. You'll meet a shy girl with a passion for food, a problem with her body and a girl with a purpose that she was yet to discover.
There will be tears, there will be laughter but at the end it'll all be worthy because someone out there is going to read them and enjoy them and if I ever forget them, I'll have a place to look back to and smile once again.
I want you to see that no, it hasn't been easy and being who I am today, I still struggle with some of this memories and how they have haunted me for a while. Maybe this will also take a weight off of my shoulders. I just hope you get to enjoy them as much as I did and remember to keep on dreaming.

Coming into this week I knew I was going to be busy, being the beginning of the month it was natural for me to have a lot to do, but never in a million years would I have guessed that I was going to be meeting up with two of my old time friends and that on top of that I was going to be enjoying the time with one of them. 

Emily Wilson knowns how is like when life comes full circle. She's been at the top, having a best seller book, a beautiful husband and a place she could call home and now, ten years later, life seems to have turn her back at her. Her divorce is finalised, her house empty and her heart broken, but her aunt is not going to let Emily sink in her own pain as she invites her to her house to maybe get some inspiration for another best seller.

It's been a while since I've talked about anxiety and how it has been affecting my life once again. It's been months since I accepted that I needed help once again and it has been a couple of weeks since the last time I had my last panic attack.
I don't know where I stand, some days are better than others, some days I feel like everything is going to be okay and others I feel the pain, the constriction in the back of my throat, the pounding on my chest as soon as I wake up, but I'm learning to control them, to not let that feeling take over.
Meditation has been a new add on to my daily routine, even if it's just for five minutes, I want to let my mind wonder and take it back to a place of peace and calm. One thing that has really stuck out to me is how much it can take off and how bad my thoughts can be, but once again I have to remind myself that I can control them.
Regular workouts, doing yoga and going for a run twice a week have also been helping not only to get myself back into shape, they also help me to clear my mind and enjoy those minutes focusing in just one thing instead of having two or three things to worry about. I've taken upon myself to focus on my workout and not put anything on the background.
My room stopped having a mind on it's own, I can find everything I need and want without struggling like I did before and that has also been helping a lot to not feel as if everything is falling on top of me.
I went through a few rough days in the past two weeks that lead me to that last panic attack. I'm not going to lie I felt pretty crappy the next day and I decided that being in the mood I was, I needed a free day for me to lay around in my bed. The next day I was feeling better, so I went for a run.
I'm still recovering from that, I'm still missing time management and I'm still missing patience, but right now, I feel happy with those little battles I've managed to win right now.
I'm nowhere near to the place I want to be but unlike last year I want to keep pounding and working to get to that place, I'll not let anyone or anything defeat me at this point. I'm learning once again to put myself first and don't stress about those curved balls that life throws at me.
If you are going through something similar, it gets better, there is a light at the end and fighting for that is worthy all your time, don't let anything take over your life and remember to keep on dreaming.

If you have been a long time reader you may now that through the winter I tend to suffer from rhinitis, it's not bad, but it can be quite uncomfortable and it means that my nose is red 85% of the time, so when the weather starting getting warmer I thought I was finally going to be okay.
I was wrong, again.
After a rough weekend with my parents I decided that Monday was going to be a down day for me, I was not in the mood for anything so I spent the day in bed, watching old YT videos and enjoying myself. What I didn't anticipate was that it was going to be my last day being healthy.
Tuesday I went for one of the two runs I've been going to in the past two or three weeks to then rush back for a shower, go to the bank and then to meet up with an old friend to chat and maybe get my mind off of everything that went down during the weekend. By the end of it I was shattered, my body was so tired that I was falling asleep on my way home.
Then when Wednesday came around my body told me that something was not right, my throat hurt, my body hurt, my nose was running and I think I had a fever during the night. Luckily for me I had an appointment already schedule to see my doctor that afternoon, so after going to my social service just to be sent back home I tried to sleep and sleep as much as I could until my appointment was due.
The verdict? Nothing crazy, the startup of a cold and a swollen throat. The treatment? Medicine and more medicine but as long as it was going to make me feel better I was down for it.
It didn't get better quickly, but now being friday I can say that I'm starting to feel better, less dizzy and less snooty but I'm still lacking energy and more asleep. My body is in strike and I'm going to give it time to recover, plus this gives me an excuse to eat poorly and stay in my pj's for the next few days.
It's been an interesting week but at least I got some extra sleep. I know that the week to come is going to be a busy one, but I sure I'm going to need to leave the house a lot more in the week to come. We'll see how it goes but for now that's all, I'll try to catch up with everything but I can't promise anything as my brain is still a little bit fuzzy from the sickness.
Hope you had a great one and remember to keep on dreaming.

Reading and I have been having a tough relationship lately, I haven't been reading as much as I would want, not because I didn't had the time but books seemed too superficial or even too long so I just stopped. But this month I want to share some of the books that have taught me to overcome the bad things that happen in life.